I have a nephew through marriage; my brother married a wonderful, smart, nice, beautiful woman who has a grown-up son from a previous relationship. (Haven't spoken to him much, but he seems really nice and cool.) But in the fall, before my parents took a vacation or a cruise or a trip or something, we had dinner at their place. I kind of had the feeling that one of these dinners they were going to drop a bomb; otherwise, why have dinner? And so finally they made their announcement -- after we ate, he took out ultrasound pictures of this fetus in my sister-in-law's womb. There's going to be a new addition to the family!
She was born a couple months ago ... but she wasn't supposed to. They told me she was going to be born in May, but she came out about three weeks early. So she spent a lot of time in the NICU, where I think it was a little more touch-and-go than my brother let on. But after a couple weeks she was able to come home.
The first time I saw her I heard her. My parents told me that my bro and sis-in-law were going to a party and were going to leave her with my folks. It was a Saturday, so I drove out to find something to do. In the late afternoon I came back to the loud sounds of her screaming.
I walked up the stairs to see my parents tending to my niece -- well, Mother was holding her while Father was looking on -- and despite all their best efforts, they couldn't quiet her. I never saw them take care of my sister, so maybe they have no experience taking care of babies. OK, cheap shot.
They (well, Mother) finally got her to quiet down, but while she got quiet, Mother got really fussy about the clothes she was wearing. She finally decided that she was crying not because she's a baby, but because her clothes were suffocating her. Or something. So she bolted to get new clothes for her brand new granddaughter at Kohl's or some other place, leaving Father and I -- two bumbling men -- to take care of her in case she acts up. Thank Buddha she really didn't. I couldn't imagine either one of us holding her in order to gentle her down. We'd probably drop her.
The only time I deigned to get close to her (for fear of dropping her or, not to sound too paranoid, giving her a cold or the flu or some virus -- I mean, she was still in a weakened state, I think) was when Mother was cradling her in her arms again and told me to put her hat on her head. I did with as little contact with her skin as possible.
When I saw my sister for the first time it was when I went down to the master bathroom to ask my parents for something. Father opened the door and told me to come in and meet my new sibling. My sister was nestled against the wall (where I sometimes dig for their porn, but that's another blog post). She was extremely tiny, wrinkled -- and very, very dark. I really thought that this living being I was seeing before me was black. Swear to God my sister had dark skin, and somehow it -- oh, this is gonna sound so racist -- cleared up over time. My new niece was not that dark, but she was several shades, uh, shadier than us, although she also has lightened over time.
She fussed up once after Mother came home, threw away the old clothes (I wonder if her parents got pissed, because I would -- she's her granddaughter, but she's got a Mom) and put on brand new ones, and despite her daunting first impression, the few times I've seen her she's been quite sanguine. Her days in intensive care seem to be behind her; she's getting bigger and heavier and, well, healthier.
Now I wonder how it's going to be seeing her grow. I officially do have a nephew, or at least a step-nephew, if there is such a term. But not to de-legitimize his existence, my niece makes it official that there is a newer generation behind us now. We aren't kids anymore, but the birth of my niece means we definitely are not kids anymore. I can feel us being pushed towards the edge of the cliff called Death now.
Will this change me? Initially I thought how it could not change me -- and I was looking forward to it, too. I hear all the time about how someone's life changes for the better once they have a child. I thought it would be the same for me even if it wasn't mine. Yeah, I get to be the cool uncle, the one who always takes her to the fun places, and whenever she acts up or if I get overwhelmed taking care of her, I can always take her back to her parents! And to make sure I'm not an embarrassment I'll finally get that steady job my parents have been hounding me to find!! Hell, I even thought that eventually I would give up -- gulp -- going to stripclubs now that I have a female that is going to look up to me!!!
But upon further reflection ... uh, do you know that I'm still living with my folks? I'm a stubborn SOB, and despite me getting steady work (even if I have to go from job to job) I can safely say my life has not changed. And I've realized that I only see my niece for family functions. I don't think my relationship with my brother has changed to the point where I feel I can just drop by just to see the baby. And if that's the case, sadly she'll be out of sight, out of mind. Besides, I like who I am right now -- schlubby, angry, underachieving old me.
Nevertheless, the fact that I am an uncle still blows me away. Despite my fantasies I am not uncle material. To be honest with you, I don't think my brother is father material. I was absolutely shocked to find out they were having a baby, and even more so when my sister later told me that it was his idea to have her. Given our tumultuous upbringing I am kind of scared that we don't have the example of good parenting that'll ensure she'll have a safe and happy childhood. Regardless of success or failure, though, she's here, and it's our job not to screw this up. Hey, maybe trying to fulfill that mission will make me become a better man. Who knows?
So yeah, that's my story about my niece being born and how I feel about it.
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