And Idle Cock Is The Devil's Workshop, Bankruptcy Be Damned

This afternoon, for the second time in as many weeks, I am going to the apartment of a woman who is rapidly becoming my new ATF, ***a*, to get a blowjob.  She's in her forties and may or may not have mental health issues.  But she is nice, she puts out (without a condom, no less) and she gives good value.  She'll suck my dick for $120.  I mean, you can't beat that price!

Of course, that's $240 over the past two weeks.  Throw in the $160 for getting a blowjob from ****e* prior to that, and it still adds up.

You want to know how pathetic it's getting?  Whenever I take money out of the ATM, I have stopped looking at the balance remaining in my checking account.  I make it a point not to look at the total on the screen, and when I get my receipt, I quickly fold it up before my eyes can locate the new total.  I am avoiding looking at how much money I have left because it'll remind me of how much money I'm spending, and I don't want to stop myself from getting sexytime.

For the past several months I have also avoided looking at the amount of charges I've run up on my credit card when I go online to pay my bill.  I know it's huge, I just don't want to see how big of a hole it's going to blow in my kitty.  I just pay it, all of it, on time.  Well, maybe not this month, with the unexpected charges for getting my car fixed.  Nevertheless, I think putting my hand up over the total amount due will be something I will do from now on.  Like I said, pathetic.

I constantly pity myself over taking one step forward and then one step back, money-wise.  Of course I know the reason: Strip clubs, eating out, car repairs.  I would like to get off of the cycle, but I can't break free of these three expenses.  I heap all my anger on the third thing, even though the biggest of the three (although they really are all equal) is the second thing; I should cut down on that.  The first thing?  Man, if people knew about it, they'd yell at me to stop.  But of all the things, no, I will not give up going to strip clubs, or throwing money at strippers, or going to their houses and getting blowjobs.  I'll give up a car and eating out before I give that up, by God.