I Just Signed A Contract To Stay Living At Home

I thought things were going good until Mother told me we needed to talk out in the dining room.  Although she wasn't as mad as she was when she told me to leave the house, she finally did something I was afraid she would do: She made out a contract of things I need to do in order to stay in the house.

Here are things I need to do, which I signed because I frankly have no other choice:

1. When I wake up, I have to brush my teeth, wash my face and make my bed.
2. Clean my room weekly.
3. Don't say "What?  What?" when my folks yell for me.
4. Be nice to my parents and don't talk back to them.
5. Change bedsheet and pillows bi-weekly.
6. When they want me to throw something away, throw it away.
7. Don't throw my clothes on the floor.
8. Keep room junk-free.
9. If I don't have a job, get up at 9:30 and find something to do.
10. Shower every day.

This is going to fucking kill me.  Some of you may look at these rules and think, "Fuck, big deal."  Well, they are a big deal to me:

1. Never do this.  It's gotten me this far.  Why start?  Well actually this is something I sort of do now.  But I just go through the motions in the morning: I turn the faucet on and act like I'm brushing my teeth.  Heh-heh, that'll show him.
2. Fuck.
3. Double fuck.  This one pisses me off.  They yell at me all the time but they can and I can't???
4. I'll do this as soon as they stop yelling at me.  Goddamn, these fucking people have no fucking self-awareness at all.
5. Oh, fine.  But that means I need to buy new sheets.  They were nice enough to give me a new queen-sized bed when they forced me into Grandmother's old bedroom, but they neglected to give me sheets that fit except for flat ones.  I hate those because they always untuck and get loose.  I need to buy fitted ones.
6. Fuck that shit.  But that's what storage is for!
7. Well then, goddamn, where should I put it?  I know where my clothes are when they're on the floor.  I can accede to this, but can I put the tub where I put my dirty clothes be on the floor?
8. Goddamn.
9. Double goddamn.  Now I have to either get a job full-time or go to school full-time?  Have these fuckers seen the economy?  And do these assholes know about the oncoming student debt bubble?  They just think it's so easy to find a job or go back to school, but Life is not as easy as it was for them.  They don't realize that.
10. You know, I know I should do this, but what would it fucking hurt if I just skipped a day?

I am being treated like such a fucking child that I need to move.  I just have to!  But how?  Where do I go?  What do I do?  How do you, like, pay money to rent?  I am now absolutely certain they want to push me out (at least My Fucking Father is) and they're just trying to piss me off so I would leave.  But I know I can't go anywhere; I don't know how to fend for myself out in The Real World.

I'll be honest with you: I am staying for two reasons: 1) I need their approval while at the same time 2) I am punishing them for their neglect and abusive mistreatment of me while I was young.  I want to show them how bad a set of parents they are by staying ... and yet I constantly want their love and will withstand almost anything to get it.  It's fucked up.  But shit, this family is fucked up.

Man, we're Chinese.  Why can't we just live together and just accept and love each other?