Do You Know How Paranoid I Am?

Remember I was talking about shopping with family on Sunday?  I thought the reason I had to go on this long trip watching other people buy stuff was because, get this, my family was going to take my 19-year-old car away from me.

After eating at Five Guys, we split up.  My sister, brother-in-law, sister-in-law and nephew-in-law went in my brother's SUV.  My brother, for some reason, took my car.  I didn't really need to go shopping, so I was cool doing whatever my brother was doing, or not doing.  But he said, "I suggest you go with them."

After walking around and finally finding the mall restroom, it occurred to me why my brother told me to go with them while washing my hands: He was in cahoots with my parents to dump my car.  It was so obvious: My folks recently bought a brand-new car, a Mercedes-Benz, and they put it in the two-car garage, ejecting another car to the outside -- a Mercedes-Benz SUV.  It was bought in 2000 and was going to be my sister's car until she decided to move out-of-state.  Nevertheless it's newer and has a lot less mileage than my car.  So, to move a car out and open up some driveway space, I imagined my parents telling my brother and sister to take me out on Sunday and separate me from my car so my brother would, like, sell it or immediately take it to the junkyard.  I'd come back home and the 'Rents would tell me that the M-B SUV was my new car.  And I would be apoplectic, so damn pissed off that I would never talk to them again.  And that contract that lets me stay home?  I'd rip that up and do whatever the fuck I wanted.  Because they had no right to just steal my car away from me, even if it technically is their car.

I was so certain that that happened that I kept my distance from the four people I was with, the people I believed were conspiring against me.  I wasn't the friendliest person that day -- this might not make any sense, but this weekend I realized that I get so fat I get angry, if you know what I mean -- but thinking I would lose my pet car forever just put me on bitch-face for the rest of the afternoon.

Of course, when we got to my brother and sister-in-law's place, my car was there.  He just went to his place to do something or other.  And then I remembered that my sister didn't tell me to go with them that morning, she gave me a choice and I decided to go.  So maybe my conspiracy theory was full of holes.  But trust me, I wouldn't put anything past this family.