Leader?

I was afraid of stepping up.  But others had to step down because of term limits, and everybody else who could not only did not say they wanted to do it, but didn't even show up.

I could see that coming.  I wanted to help out any way I can to keep the club going, and if it meant leading the whole thing ... well, that is what must happen then.  But goddammit, I'm a charlatan.  I have no leadership experience.  Plus I'm a goof-off.  And what happens if they learn about my baggage?

The few days up until the election I was girding myself with a speech.  Why do I want this job, and what will I do if I get it?  And all I could think of was being afraid -- of not having a good-enough opening statement, of being unable to answer questions, of being exposed as incapable, of not getting the job, and, finally, of being ashamed that I might actually be relieved that I did not get the job.  All that responsibility, and if I fail, if the club is run into the ground because I can't get enough people to support it, that would be my failure.

Well, not getting the job was not a worry after all.  As I expected/feared, very few people cared to show up.  And since there were more positions available than candidates, there wasn't a selection so much as a divvying up of jobs.  Ladies and gentlemen, you are looking at the new president of his alumni club.

Great.  I have not thought about this job for more than ten minutes since the "election," and I have not done a single fucking thing, even though, in transition periods like this, the leader usually gets out and at least makes an announcement.  If I can't do this, how am I going to fundraise, or look all presidential when making speeches and stuff?  How am I going to pull this off without ruining everything?