Yeah, so I was drinking this Cool Lime Refresher from Starbucks that was created not with love but indifference from this bitch at the counter (I don't know why this continues to bother me; it wasn't like she was rude, but she gave no eye contact, and that pisses me off -- you don't want to even be cordial, find a fucking desk job!) and I'm just looking at some magazines to sneak-read before I have to come home for dinner.
What do I see but Men's Vogue International. I don't think I've ever read one. I don't even know if I ever knew there was a magazine of Men's Vogue International. But no joke, here is this month's cover. Yes, that is a guy whose pants are unzipped to the point he's showing his dick fur because he is not wearing any underwear.
And the first thing that's going through my head is: Why the fuck is this magazine cover just laying out in the open of a Barnes & Noble for everyone to see? What's worse is that this magazine, or at least this issue, was sitting on top of a pile of magazines on the bottom shelf, at foot level. In other words, precisely where little kids can see. Now, I don't know if that is the place where this Barnes & Noble bookstore usually puts their copies of Men's Vogue International. It's possible that it's usually put up high and in the back of the shelves, and someone took it out (the magazine, that is), read it and just lazily threw it down in a place where everyone can see without giving a shit about decency. I would have, however taken another step further: Even if Vogue Men's (or Hommes) International isn't usually put into a sealed plastic bag that's covered in black or blue, like the Playboy, this sure as hell should have been.
Why am I up in arms about this? I show my cock hair all the time, right? Well, no. I like to think, or at least rationalize, that there is a time and place for those things. I will hang out with my wang out in front of strippers, women who knew what they're doing. But at a Barnes & Noble?!?!?! Fuck that, that's just gross. There is totally a difference, and if you don't know that, maybe you're the crazy one.
Saying that ... I must confess that I couldn't help but stare at it. (The guy, by the way, is an Australian model named Jarrod Scott. And in the same issue he goes all the way: Here he is with not only his pubic hair but his uncircumcised penis exposed. Have fun, ladies and gay males!) That's partially because I could not believe I'm seeing such indecent exposure at a decent bookstore. But also, when I saw this guy's pubes, I was on the flip side of one of my strippers seeing my pubes. And I have to be honest: Through that process of standing in my many ATFs' high-heeled fiberglass stripper shoes and imagining them seeing me in all my glory (and not, not! just seeing a guy's cock hair), I kind of got turned on. Forget this Jarrod Scott dude -- seeing his hairy crotch I saw my hairy crotch, and I got kind of hard, I will have to admit. It's kind of how straight guys justify seeing naked men and their dicks in porn, or at least how I think they justify that: They are projecting themselves as those guys, fucking hot women with their long, big dicks.
Does this make me gay? I hope not. Or maybe I am, who the fuck knows.
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