Who Died And Named You Naming God, Weather Channel?

I have to say this: Weather Channel, you don't have the fucking right to name winter storms.

First of all, they're just winter storms.  There are several every year, probably more than hurricanes.  That doesn't mean they need to get a name.  They can be identified by the proximity to a holiday.  For example, we still talk about the "Thanksgiving Blizzard" of 1991.  That's enough.

Second of all, you're not the government.  The government gets to name hurricanes because hurricanes are weather events of a magnitude much greater than winter storms -- sad but true! -- and it's an easy way to identify them in case they're bad enough to be etched into history books.  "Well, why can't we get to name storms?  The gummit gets to name storms but we can't?"  Yeah, the gummit can name hurricanes but you don't get to name winter storms.  Because they're the government and you're the fucking Weather Channel.

Third of all, does the Weather Channel really think these names are going to stick?  Do you think Minnesotans or New Yorkers are those who had to sleep in their cars in Atlanta are going to look back on that storm 10, 20 years from now and say, "Man, do you remember Winter Storm Maximus?"  Why the fuck are we going to anthropomorphize winter storms just because the Weather Channel said so?  I hope this doesn't catch on.  If so, that means a corporation has brainwashed us sheep into forever referring to a simple blizzard by a name a weatherman/executive producer/focus group chose.  Come on, we're better than that!

I will say one thing: While Jim Cantore's shrill, melodramatic behavior belies his look of a meteorological Mr. Clean, he had the balls to knee this jackass college student, and he should have put a shoulder into that heckling punk and knock him on his ass:



But then the Weather Channel debases its own putative image as sober and straightforward by splashing this confrontation all over its website.  Aren't you guys just supposed to talk about the weather instead of boasting about an on-location mishap?  And the YouTube clip breathlessly asserts, "Cantore Knees Attacker."  "Dumbfuck" is more accurate.  "Attacker?"  Get over yourself.

What you'll also see all over the Weather Channel site are ads telling you to call DirecTV and demand they bring back the Weather Channel.  DirecTV dropped them over one of those carriage fee disputes.  I say, if they're going to continue to be arrogant enough to think they can name storms, fuck them.