Friday, January 10, 2014

Can't Shit, Can't Cum

Sorry I haven't written till this late in the day.  Had surgery.  Should talk about this soon.

Anyway, because of this, I have been taking Oxycodone.  Sort of.  I mean, I don't want to get addicted to it.  This is one of those pills people rob their parents for, so I've been hesitant to take them.  However, I haven't really felt the effects of Percocet, and when I have been feeling the drowsiness, I don't have the attendant feeling of euphoria.  Aren't I supposed to be happy?

Anyway, this is the first pain medication I've consumed in a long time.  I didn't remember that one of side effects of pain meds is constipation.  Well, I feel it now.  I had a big dump Wednesday night, the night before the surgery, but besides one pebble of a poop that seemingly tumbled down my rectum when I got home Thursday afternoon, I haven't been able to defecate since.  I bought stool softener at the hospital pharmacy when I got the Percocet, but that hasn't been helping.

I usually try to strain when I get this, let's face it, desperate to experience a bowel movement, but because I've got this rubber band looped around my asshole -- I'll get to it some time soon -- any push down there irritates that spot, and it all hurts like a bastard.  So I just have to wait until my body adjusts, or that loop down there doesn't hurt to the point where I can get off the Oxy, or the stool softener really kicks in and my feces just escapes out of my rectum like it's fleeing Godzilla.

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They recommended I don't go to work today, so I didn't.  But I quickly acquired a case of cabin fever.  Plus, after the deep freeze we were in earlier in the week, temperatures were in the thirties.  The stars were aligned, therefore, for me to sojourn to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Division).  Hey, whatever money I spent there I would be making next week.

So I went with confidence ... and after the first bus came too early and I took the risk of missing the second bus to talk with the guy in the UPS truck that went to the apartment complex (which it did, even though I thought it should have come sooner), I finally took my sorry, sore ass to the club, even though a few hours before I took the risk of taking two Percocet and felt really, really sleepy on the bus.

I could vamp on and on about this, but I have two hours before the day turns and my asshole really hurts, so this is what happened.  There were three girls at My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Version), one of them didn't want to play and another was so hot that she was pretty busy the two hours I was there, so I went with *******a, who didn't get a dance from anyone besides me.  I got an HJ from her before, and she knew what I was there for, but try as I might, I couldn't cum.  There was too much pain emanating from my back end to dedicate any tension to my front end.

I felt so bad I for *******a, who, at the end of our four dances, was jerking me off so obviously she could have got caught.  Man, she probably got carpal tunnel syndrome from wanking me, and I felt so bad that I couldn't "cum" through that, honest to God, I apologized to her.  "That's OK, we'll try next time," she comforted me.  She was truly sympathetic -- maternal, even.  Still feel bad, but I thought I could get it up and I didn't.  Oh well.

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As I type this I still can't shit and I still can't cum.

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