Do I Have A Big Mouth? Whatever

OK, so from time to time throughout my life I've gotten the impression that I've been loud and obnoxious enough to, well, make a bad impression.  Hey, I may give off the perception that I'm quiet, but I'm really not.  When I think the time calls for it, I'll pipe up.  In particular, I'll say something when I either need to get something straightened out or if I believe I'm right and want everyone to know it.  I love being loud when I know I'm right.  Love.  It.

So it happened today at work.  I was not particularly clear about this rule they had when scoring answers.  I thought it was one way, and then the director, in my opinion, shaded it when he talked about another question.  So I piped up as I revisited a question we had just went through.  And I did so with, um, some accusation that the director told us this, so why is it now that.

Not to sound vague, but I have to make sure that I don't reveal anything about the project.  Let's just say that instead of the director, most of the entire room answered my question for me.  Part of it felt as if the answer was so obvious they were shocked I didn't get it.  Part of it, however, was in response to the, uh, provocative tone I took in asking the question.  At this point, I was kind of stubborn about defending my viewpoint which led me to asking the question in a way that might have rubbed some people wrong.

I will say that I answered the group's answer with, "Oh, we need numbers now!"  And then I kind of told the director, "You didn't specify!" loud enough that someone from the row ahead of me said I was being mean.  Oh, shit.  I didn't mean that; I just wanted to show everyone I was right.

So I apologized for popping off to the director, as well as my direct supervisor and the woman who said I was being mean.  I didn't, uh, mean to be mean, but the question has rules to answering that I didn't think were consistently applied to the sample papers and I was getting frustrated that I didn't understand.  (And by the way, we started answering papers today and, just as I feared, it's kind of a nightmare so far.)  Nevertheless I'm sure the damage has been done; there are probably fellow co-workers who, after I left the room for break, muttered to themselves, if not said to each other: "Boy, what a dick."

Library Porn Row

Wanted to go to the library for a few things: Doing our fantasy baseball draft (which we are not doing; more on that later, maybe), using the scanner for a report I need to send ... and, that's it.

Decided to eat at Wendy's as close to 11, the earliest allowable time to eat lunch, because I needed to get ready and prepared at the library when the draft began at noon.  Except that on Sundays, this library I'm at does not open until noon.  Forgot that.  Thought that another branch of the county library system opens before noon, therefore this one will; guess I was wrong.

Back when I didn't have a laptop I would sometimes get to the library just as it opens.  I was reminded of those days when I walked into the library lobby and saw a bunch of people -- most of them men, of all races, and poor-looking -- sit on the tables in the lobby, waiting.  And then, just a few minutes before noon, as they saw more activity on the other side of the electronic doors and the security guards finally stroll in with keys and coffee cups in hand, those poor losers (including me) walk up and towards those doors.  The only thing needed to change that tableau from pathetic to downright scary is if we got up close to those doors and starting running our tin cups against them.

So come high noon, up came the doors, and unlike the times in the past, we no longer ran to the computers in the computer lab.  Maybe it's because there are plenty of computers to use, more computers than people there, and the computers are all around the library, not just the lab.  And maybe we no longer run because we look stupid.

Nevertheless, once me and the other pathetic losers who were there before me got to the lab, we all eventually kind of came together.  Specifically I was the fourth person through the door to the lab.  The three before me are men, and instead of spreading out amongst the 33 workstations, they quickly congregated around four of them -- all lined up together, all of them facing towards the wall of the lab without windows, all of them in an area no one would have any reason to walk through.

Ah, how I miss Library Porn Row.  All of us guys who probably would not get up if our mothers were on their deathbeds if we were too sleepy would wake up way ahead of our circadian rhythms -- like 9 in the morning -- just to make sure we get one of the four computers in Library Porn Row.  That means we could spend hour after hour just looking at porn and not get caught or bothered.  Oh yeah, back then you didn't even need to get a library card.  You didn't even need a guest login; you just had to get to the computer and use it.

But they changed that.  First they required sign-ins at all workstations, so they would know who was looking at porn.  Then, after a local station ran a report on people looking at porn in libraries, they disallowed that, too.  And now security is supposed to walk behind us here on Library Porn Row to make sure we're not doing anything unseemly.  And I just tried to visit Playboy's website, and it has been blocked, so we can't look at porn here anymore, either.  Shoot.

Still, it's funny that we still insist on taking the "best" computers.  Maybe even without the access to porn we still insist on having privacy.  Shoot, one guy ripped a privacy screen from a computer that was facing towards the wall with windows to put it in front of his screen at Library Porn Row.  Maybe there is nothing untoward he is surfing and he still doesn't want anybody knowing his business.  Or, he's new here and he thought he could look at porn, found out he can't, and he doesn't want to let on that he just realized that.

I really, really wasn't going to join these three guys at Library Porn Row.  I mean, if you can't look at anything pornographic, what are you trying to hide?  Besides, I needed to just get to a computer to get to the fantasy baseball draft I'm not doing right now.  But those three ahead of me went there, so heck, why not?  But none of these four computers have a scanner, which is the main reason I needed to go to the library.  So I'm going to log off real soon, go to my car, get the thing I need to scan, then come back and go to a computer with a scanner.

NCAA Tournament Anti-Picks, Round 4

Record, Round Three: 0-6 (fuck you)
Overall Record: 9-25
Total Outlay, Round Three: $800.00
Total Winnings, Round Three: $0.00 (fuck you twice)
Loss, Round Three: $800.00
Overall Loss: $1,027.16

I've seen spam forwards of people "drawing" middle fingers by taking up lines upon lines to carefully type in slashes and parentheses.  Can I do that here?  Because I want to, goddammit.

Let me say this: It was last night, Friday night, when my bracket officially busted, and that's a hell of a lot longer than it usually is.  There is a time when my anticipation towards The Greatest Three Weeks In American Sport turns into absolute hate.  That happened when I saw the losing score of Tennessee to Michigan, which destroyed any chance of winning any money in the big pool I'm in.  Worse for me, the Volunteers were able to come back from a big deficit, far enough for them to cover the 2 1/2 point spread.  Watching the two excellent late games I was thinking to myself, "Well, at least I got one right."  And then I remembered that the line was 2 1/2, and I was absolutely fucking despondent that I lost all six wagers, and the hundreds of dollars I "bet" with them.

I still have a ghost of a chance of winning my friend's smaller pool, but I need Florida and Arizona to win today and, in order to eliminate the players that have more picks alive, Michigan and UConn to win tomorrow.  Then there will be, like, a 15-way tie into the Final Four.  The tie-breakers are complicated, but at least I'll have a chance.  Regardless, this Sweet Sixteen sucked for me.

---

Hey, have I mentioned that the odds for the first round I took from Covers.com, but the ensuing rounds I got them from Doc's Sports because they updated the odds for the second-day games of each round faster?  You know what, I take that back.  For some reason I can't find just a single page where I can see an entire round's odds on Covers because it seems as if they can or will only show odds for a day's worth of games, not a round's.  I don't remember if I also used Doc's for the first round also, but for that reason it stands to reason that I did.

Here goes nothing:

1) Florida -10 (Does the Cinderella story of Dayton end with a crushing of the glass slipper under the squat foot of a Gator?  This feels like one of those miracle, "Hoosiers"-type runs where it's at this stage the underdog finally loses, but only after one final, ingenious play at the buzzer where the ball just doesn't go in.  I'm thinking Steph Curry and Davidson against Kansas, for example.  What's going against the Flyers is that they survived close games against Ohio St. and Syracuse and finally romped over a Stanford club that was closer to them in seed.  Florida is The Proverbial Kings Of The Hill, so much better than their previous three foes, and I don't think Billy Donovan's the kind of coach that will coach their players down to their opponents' level.  If it is close late, the Gators will hit their free throws to, hopefully, reach the line.  I'm not confident enough of any of picks to do Best Bets; I just need to make up some money with the number of games I have left) $150

2) Wisconsin +3 (Observation: Neither team can steal, so expect very little transition play, and there's a possibility that one or both teams will control the pace by holding the ball and draining the shot clock all game.  Nevertheless I think both clubs have the chance to light it up on offense -- so much so that I wanted to bet on the Over, but of the seven betting sites giving lines on these games, three of them say 130 and another three say 130.5.  By rule, tied O/Us mean I do not bet on them.  So I take the Badgers just because I have Arizona in my bracket and I suck, so I'm Anti-Picking myself.  Don't have much confidence, though) $100

3) Wisconsin M/L +140 (And if I'm taking the underdog with such a small line, I might as well play them Straight-Up, too) $50

4) Michigan St.-UConn Under 139.5 (Is it time to believe Kevin Ollie, the onetime Minnesota Timberwolves bench player?  Can't believe he may very well take the Huskies to the Final Four, but playing at Madison Square Garden this is a virtual home game.  And though I like Tom Izzo, and he's one step away from keeping his streak of getting every player who's been with the program through their senior year to the Final Four [think about that -- how hard is that to pull off??], their grinding, rebound-emphasizing plan will always keep their opponent in the game.  What Izzo should do is make sure Shabazz Napier can't breathe without two Spartans on him.  Assuming he does that, the game remains close, but low-scoring.  Hopefully) $200

5) Michigan-Kentucky Over 137.5 (Well, fuck, I have the opposite problem here that I did in the Arizona-Wisconsin match-up: I want to bet on the Wildcats, who are favored, to beat the Wolverines going away, but two of the five sites that sport lines have them at -2 and two others had them at -2 1/2.  So I have to bet on the total, which is all over the place; that 137.5 is a plurarity of two since the other three each have their own total.  Gah.  Anyway, Michigan's close one against the Vols was just the latest of a series of games this year where they blew big leads late.  They can't, and won't, win doing that against a Kentucky squad that is finally gelling on the floor -- and finally matches the talent they show on paper.  And speaking of that: The Associated Press preseason poll had the Wildcats #1 and Michigan St. #2 ... and look where they are now.  Going by the AP preseason poll has become sort of a good predictor of who will survive through the Big Dance, which is odd, if you think about it.  The writers who vote in that poll have been able to see which teams make it though the tourney just on the aggregation of talent, without that talent playing a single meaningful minute.  In effect, the regular season is just noise -- that, in fact, it distorts one's perception of a team's ability to win the NCAA Tournament.  That kind of renders the regular season is kind of worthless, doesn't it?)  $200

6) I'm going to be senseless and parlay the two picks I didn't want to make together, because I think that's a sign from above.  2) and 5), for $150.

Good luck!

The New Normal?

Ever since Saturday, on my way to lunch before the charity event, every trip longer than a mile has triggered the Check Engine light.  There was one exception: Thursday morning, from home to work, it didn't come on once.  My heart was luxuriating in peace.  Unfortunately, it came back on on the way home.

Wanted to bring it to one of my mechanics Saturday, when I have time.  Unfortunately, the one that Father referred me to no longer is open on Saturdays, and The Mechanic Around The Corner said that he would like me to give them the car overnight for a days' worth of tests, maybe more.  I can't afford to give him that unless I'm not working, and in the dumbest and cruelest of ironies, I'm working probably until Memorial Day Weekend.

With those complications, I asked The Mechanic Around The Corner, probably in a tone that made him think I needed to be reassured, whether I can still drive the car while it's on.  He says I could, even though I told him that it comes on whenever I accelerate, and he says that if my car does that I should bring it in, which confused me.

Nevertheless, my stress level has come down at least half a step whenever I see the Check Engine light come on.  Partly is that the decision's out of my hands; if I can't do anything about fixing my car, why worry?  Besides some more problems with acceleration (and that might be because it's been windy since Saturday) and some extra noise under the hood (the wind again?), it's driving fine.  I haven't seen the low oil level light as much since the Check Engine light became a regular on my dashboard, either, so I that's a plus.  With all these things coming together, and no sign yet the engine will just shut down on the highway (touch wood), maybe the Check Engine light's on because of a sensor, and not because of anything more dire.  I mean, I hear there are a lot of people who drive with their Check Engine lights on, and they just either ignore it or put duct tape over it so they don't have to see it.  Hell, this evening my ATF ***e* said she's driving her car with it on.  How bad could it be?  So I guess I'm living with it.

At least for now -- but there are two outs I have.  First of all, Mother told me that my parents are finally going to Las Vegas, for the first time in at least a couple years, in a month.  That means I can use their car while my car's in the shop.  And there's a chance I can bring it in even sooner, if my current testing project ends before my next one begins in a couple weeks.  There's a possibility that I might have one day, two days, or maybe even a week between assignments.  That would then mean I could surreptitiously bring it in to see the exact cause of the Check Engine light -- and hopefully they'll be able to fix it the same day.

Oh, by the way, I did have it checked out once, when it was on only intermittently, by The Mechanic Around The Corner, and the code reader said it was a knock sensor code.  Hope it's only that still now.

Thoughts On Kansas City, Part Three

• There are two strip clubs I thought were good enough to check out -- Bonita Flats and Whispers.  Which one do I go to?  I was at a crossroads.  I was closer to Bonita Flats, but I thought that there was a better chance to get extras at Whispers and I was horny.  After going through a gameplan for the rest of my stay in Kansas City and figuring out if I could get to either place for a good long stay in the afternoon (that's what my stay at a workstation in the library close to me was for) I decided to throw out all logic and go to Whispers, the farther away of the two stripclubs.  I think I convinced myself that I should go to the farther club before afternoon rush hour.  But fuck me, when I got there (after a couple of detours), I arrived to see that the club ... does not open until the evening.  I would have been able to see this on TUSCL, but alas, I couldn't access it in a library because it's been listed as a porn site.  (You know, I remember being able to access porn in libraries around the Twin Cities a long time ago, then after an investigative report on Channel 4, I couldn't see it anymore.  Did the library porno ban happen nationwide at the same time?  Well, apparently not, at least not in San Francisco as of last year.  And you know what?  I'm OK with libraries banning porn.  I love porn, but I know that it ain't my right to just see it anywhere in public view.  Maybe I'm growing up, maybe I'm growing old.)
• Aside: I brought my laptop but I wasn't able to use it.  A couple days before my trip I plugged it in and planned on throwing it into my bag so I could use it when I got to Kansas City.  But for some reason I couldn't turn the thing on.  And by the time I realized I couldn't turn it on, I had to leave.  I was hoping that it was a momentary thing, that once I got to my hotel room I'd fiddle with it and it'd magically turn on.  But that didn't work.  Basically I brought a five-pound flat paperweight with me to Kansas City.  My plans of having idle time in my hotel room and firing up the tablet to either look up stuff -- like when is Whispers open -- or put an entry into this blog went up in smoke.  (The day after I came home I looked up what was wrong and promptly got it to work again.  Too fucking late, but at least it was working.)
• I drive all the way down past my hotel and to Bonita Flats, a small stand-alone building right in the middle of nowhere, buttressed by a train track.  Man, I love trains; one passed while I was leaving.  Great tableau, but inside was kind of boring.  Kansas City has this things where, once you step into the club, it feels like the club "assigns" you a girl to sit with you.  Once you are done with one girl, another girl is expected to take her place and continue the company-keeping.  I do not know why this is, nor do I know how this got to be an area-wide practice.  But I find it annoying that, unless you're sitting at the bar, you are expected to chat with someone whom you may not find sexy or worth a dance.  I wasn't totally into either dancer, but they were both fit and nice, and I got a couple tame dances from each.  There wasn't much else going on, so I left after less than an hour.  The only thing I like is that they display a computer screen of available songs to play on the club sound system.
• I went back to my hotel to get ready for the Royals game.  When preparing for the trip I thought I had foregone any chance of going to a baseball game.  I decided that these dates were the only ones I could vacation, and I checked the schedule and the team was in Anaheim.  But the day before I started hearing on the radio vague intimations that they were in fact playing the Angels at Kaufmann.  I spoke to the front desk of the hotel I was staying at -- excellent service, by the way -- and he knew they were playing at home ... because he was going to the game on that Friday.  I am sure I did not read the online schedule wrong.  Either Major League Baseball or the Royals screwed it up.
• So I take the hotel desk guy's advice and take a highway version of the back way to Kaufmann.  The map showed that the Truman Sports Complex, which comprises of both Kaumfann Stadium and Arrowhead Stadium, home to the Kansas City Chiefs, is in a huge area off to itself -- no downtown setting, like Target Field and the Metrodome.  What I did not know until I saw a huge line to get to parking areas, decided to bypass that line in order to find free street parking, then realized that there is no neighborhood from which to park on its streets and just walk to the ballpark, is that this complex is isolated.  So if there was a way to drive with my tail between my legs, well, I did that, going back onto a line for parking.
• After noting where I parked I hoped to get better luck by scalping a ticket.  But I couldn't.  I tried surreptitiously sticking my index finger out to single "need one," but nobody was selling a ticket.  That's when I realized there is no scalping allowed.  I thought it was a city ordinace, but it turns out that the State of Missouri does allow scalping.  (I get St. Louis Cardinals tickets on the streets leading up to Busch Stadium all the time.)  It's just not allowed on the Truman Complex.  I did not know that till just now.  And if I had this map of where K.C. scalpers are herded to, I could have saved myself a huge chunk of the $20+ for a great home plate but upper-deck ticket.  Geez, dedicated parking you have to pay for and tickets you have to get from the team at the box office.  Talk about your captive audience; once you decide you want to go, you might as well empty your pockets in front of them.  But that raises a question: With all this money they capture each gameday, why won't the Royals fucking spend some money?!
• Oh, the Royals lost, by the way.  This was before their surge into becoming a respectable team with a hope for the future that is kind of bright, unlike the Twinks.
• They had a fireworks show planned that evening.  Although fireworks aren't bad and I was sitting around good people, I wanted to rectify my mistake earlier in the day and jet off to Whispers.  Knowing that I'm imprisoned in the Truman Complex convinced me that I should skip the fireworks show and get the hell out of there so I could beat the traffic out of the bottlenecks of the gates.  Except that when I went to the part of the parking lot I for sure knew where I left my car, it wasn't there.  With the clock ticking with every boom and crack in the sky, I meandered up and down the aisles of the huge asphalt vehicle way station, pushing the lock and unlock buttons on rental key fob, hoping I'd hear the honk of my car signaling me to get in and escape before the throng of Royals fireworks watchers invaded.  But it was not to be.  The fireworks show ended a lot sooner than I had expected -- another victim of the Great Recession, I guess -- and I could here the people leaving Kaufmann.  At first they came in a trickle, but then it turned into a full-fledged storm.  People were getting into their cars and leaving because they knew where the fuck their cars were.  Why, aren't you people the shit?  Other people were hanging out, emptying the remaining bottles of beer they had tailgaiting before the game into their stomachs.  All the while I continued to walk around the parking lot, uselessly hoping to hear my car talk back to me.  It was finally when all the people who walked out minutes behind me left me in the parking lot where I could finally see my car, one of only dozens left, parking amid the red Solo cups and tipped-over bottles of liquor.  Turns out I was parked further towards the far end of the complex, on the far end of Arrowhead Stadium, where the Chiefs play, than I thought.  I knew I didn't park far away from both stadia, but I needed to walk as far away from Kaufmann and towards Arrowhead than I did to get to my car.  And so of course I not only did not get to leave early, but I left late, very, very late.

NCAA Tournament Anti-Picks, Round Three

Record, Round Two: 6-11
Overall Record: 9-19
Total Outlay, Round Two: $1,225.00
Total Winnings, Round Two: $1,268.49 (?)
Gain, Round Two: $43.49 (?)
Overall Loss: $227.16

Is this right?  I get almost twice as many picks wrong as I do right, but mostly due to hitting a three-team parlay on the first games of the second round Saturday (Dayton, UConn and Louisville), which gave me winnings of $595.79, I was able to eke out a fractional gain for the weekend.  I checked the math twice, and that's what it gave me.  Buddha bless the parlay.  Sure, I'm still down, but after compiling six wins and 11 losses I thought I would be almost a grand in the hole, and I'm far away from that.

One other observation: My winning bets, beyond $100 on Louisville, were ones I had no confidence in -- the Flyers and Huskies, plus Stanford and Kentucky.  I went Against The Spread and Straight-Up on Oregon, Mercer and Stephen F. Austin, and all three underdogs failed me.  The triple-double taps weren't fatal, but if I was successful on even one of them (and I included all three teams in the other three parlays I "wagered"), I would have been closer to positive territory.

---

Sixteen teams, twelve games ... the analysis and choices should be much more manageable.  I think this tournament will be no different others in the past in that the upsets should quiet down, if not be done.  Therefore, here are my picks for Thursday and Friday ... and I think I have time to write a little bit as to why I'm choosing them:

1) Baylor +3 1/2 (I'm starting to think Scott Drew can coach.  He can certainly recruit.  His calling card continues to be big, athletic guys, and I think they'll run roughshod down low over passive, short Wisconsin, a team I still don't think is that good.  So not only should you Quadruple Best Bet this ATS ...) $200

2) Baylor M/L +144 (... but you should also bet on the Bears Double Straight-Up) $100

3) Arizona-San Diego St. Under 121.5 (I don't think the Aztecs can win this game, so I imagine it playing out whereby the Wildcats' suffocating defense just paralyzes Steve Fisher's ballclub, and so Arizona doesn't have to score that much in order to win.  At least that's what I'm hoping happens) $50

4) Michigan -2 1/2 (I'm in this huge pool of 800+ people.  It's $20 a head, and 54% goes to the winner.  Second-place receives $20 of the pot I think, which I think this year is $3,600.  The guy running the thing has software that maps out best and worst finishes for everyone, and somehow I'm still eligible to finish second in this group.  But I know that it all hinges on Tennessee doing what I thought they could do this time last week and upset the Wolverines.  Which means I don't think it'll happen.  This is an interesting contrast between Michigan's deadly three-point shooting and the Volunteers' interior braun and hellacious rebounding.  I'm just afraid that Tennessee can't guard the perimeter and Michigan will be lights-out from three.  Call me a pessimist.  Quadruple Best Bet this) $200

5) Louisville -4 1/2 (Kentucky has a lot of NBA-ready talent, which is why any team should be good at March Madness; it's the best way to take advantage of the "all eyes on me" scouting as they see dollar signs dancing in their heads when they declare for the NBA Draft as soon as their college "career" is over.  Saying that, I think their win over Wichita St. proved that the Shockers weren't that good.  Which means that the Wildcats' run ends against the Cardinals, which have the defense and should be able to pick apart Kentucky on the transition.  One ESPN.com journalist believes the Cards are going to win by double digits.  I'm inclined to agree with him, even though Louisville only has to beat UK by 4 1/2.  Triple Best Bet this) $150

6) Parlay 1), 4) and 5), for $100.

Good luck!

Back To Being Fat

Last (Tuesday) night I was helping Mother pay some Vegas real estate association fees.  Her wallpaper is a photo of her, Father, my sister and I posing, I think, in front of one of the famous bridges in Lucerne, Switzerland.  I am the left-most of the four, and it's very noticeable that my gut is hanging out through my shirt and suit.  Oh, sure, I can say that I was wearing tight pants, and I probably am in that picture.  That doesn't mean I wasn't fat.  Because I was.

And right now, I feel like I am.  Here is what I ate since Sunday after dinner:

• Sunday: While watching The Amazing Race I took another piece of my birthday cake.  I think Mother also gave me a piece of strawberry flan.
• Monday: At work I started going through the box of Trefoils I bought at the mall closest to me; dinner was pho, glorious pho.  This is not a typo: I was so full I was hungry, and an hour after I got done with dinner I ate a blueberry Pop-Tart.  And a short time later I fell asleep, from 8 till 5:30 in the morning.
• Tuesday: A banana and then Trefoils at work; slow-cooked pork, with green beans, Chinese spinach, bread and a salad for dinner.  And for dessert several hours later Mother gave me another half-bowl of strawberry flan.  Good, but fattening!
• Wednesday (today): Almost down with the Trefoils; only five left.  Then for dinner we had pork and pasta.  All good!

No wonder why I feel like I have a gut again.  I probably do.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Swarm (Last Week: -5).  Well, well, well.  Despite sporting a 3-9 record, by virtue of its 10-9 overtime win Sunday at Xcel over Buffalo, the Smarm, the soon-to-be-defunct local National Lacrosse League franchise, sit atop this week's Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.  And the sun has to shine on a dog's ass at some point.

And this Bandits team was 8-3 going into the game.  The contest was remarkably tied after every interval -- scoreless after the first quarter, three at the half, seven at the end of three and nine at the end of regulation.  Then it took almost eight minutes of extra time before Swarm stalwart Callum Crawford collected the loose ball and sent it home to end the game.

With that win Minnesota ties the Vancouver Stealth for the final playoffs spot, and are a half-game behind the Philadelphia Wings for seventh.  They visit Calgary Saturday.

#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -1).  They took two out of three from Northwestern ... at Lindenwood University.  Huh?  On Wednesday it was announced that the series, which was supposed to take place at the Wildcats' home field in Evanston, Ill., was going to be moved to St. Charles, Mo., and to help both teams adjust and acclimate to what really becomes a neutral site, the first two games of the three-game set would be a doubleheader on Saturday.  (They lost the back half of that double-dip.)  Is Lindenwood's Lou Brock Sports Complex (got an autograph from Mr. Brock once while at a trade show in St. Louis; he has an unorthodox signature where instead of going up and down, he waves the pen in his hand from left to right, and tightly, making his autograph look like a seismograph recording a very big earthquake), which about 45 miles northwest of St. Louis, the default Plan B site for Northwestern games, which, in case you don't know, is located in a suburb of Chicago?

Also, this move was made because the weather in Chicagoland was forecast to be wintry.  Will we see more of these changes, if nothing as drastic as switching to a venue five hours away on 72 hours' notice?  Already Wednesday night's game against St. John's, which was supposed to serve as the season's home opener after 20 games on the road to open the year, has been postponed because the winter weather has rendered Siebert unplayable for the time being.  How will the stadium be this weekend when they're scheduled to play a three-game series against Michigan St.  Remember that they were set to host the Spartans for a trio last year but the entire series, all three games, were cancelled because it was too cold/rainy and/or Siebert was too shitty to play in.  Oh, they also have a Tuesday date planned with North Dakota St.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -3).  They're not exactly gaining momentum into the Stanley Cup Playoffs, not after losing in New Jersey in overtime and then losing at home to Detroit (before winning in overtime in the return trip of the home-and-home at Joe Louis Arena).  Neverthess they remain firmly in seventh place, as of press time six points clear of The Bastard North Stars, mired in shit ninth, where they belong.  I don't think their offensive woes have completely gone away, but they did score nine goals this screening week.  Sort of a busy week: They host free-falling Vancouver Wednesday, then travel to St. Louis the next night, then they go to Phoenix on Saturday and Los Angeles Monday.

#-4: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2).  Save us, Golden Gophers, you're our only hope of a championship this year!  (Well, there are the Lynx, but with the way the other women's team in town failed their golden chance at a repeat [see below] I have reason to be pessimistic.)  I don't care that you lost in the semifinals of the B1G hockey tournament to Ohio St., because that meant I could get a ticket to the final for $20.  (Bad Buckeyes beat, BTW, having a 4-2 lead and blowing it in overtime.  That would have gotten them into the NCAA Tournament and bumped off the worst of the at-large teams according to the Pairwise Rankings, which would have been ... North Dakota, which finished second in the National Collegiate Hockey Conference but were in danger of not making the Frozen Dance altogether because they lost to the team that finished last in the conference, Miami [OH] in the NCHC semifinals, which I saw on Friday [for $40, alas.])  And OK, you relinquished the top spot in the polls to Union, which is #1 for the first time in school history.

Doesn't fucking matter anymore, because the tournament bracket is out, and you are deemed the proverbial kings of the mountain, aka the overall #1 seed.  No one exceeds the level of talent on your roster nor the results you've garnered over the year.  Plus the West Regional is at the X, and therefore you get to play in front of your home area, starting Saturday afternoon (weirdly enough it's the early game of that day's doubleheader, which happened because that means the Gophs can appear on ESPN2 instead of ESPNU) when they face the supposed worst team to make the field, Robert Morris.  Win that and then they play Sunday evening against either Notre Dame or former WCHA rival (and current in-state rival) St. Cloud St.

The #1 playing the #16 in the first round of the tourney ... what could go wrong?  Oh, wait; Minnesota was #2 overall team in last year's tournament, and looked what happened against #15 Yale:



Well, to give the Goofers some slack, the Bulldogs did go on to win the whole thing.  And this is hockey, let alone college hockey, where upsets of the better team happen all the time.  So while I feel good about this team, the U. have to fend off four opponents that could take advantage of one bad bounce to end a promising season.  I mean, look at the University of Minnesota women's team.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  So, mathematically the Woofie Dogs are still alive for a playoff spot, even if they followed Wednesday's 123-122 thriller at Dallas with three losses in a row.  But by all accounts it was the only home game of the week, a 127-120 defeat to Phoenix, that pretty much sealed the club's fate.  That's because the Woofs blew a 22-point lead.  Man, if that doesn't break you.

I haven't watched this -- too much losing going on around me, especially by the Minnesota women's hockey team -- but from what I hear that collapse just broke Kevin Love:



Wouldn't blame him for acting glum ... although, well, it's different for me because I didn't play in that game and therefore I had an excuse not to play defense.  (Hi-yo!)  It's sad, however, that this game and postgame interview puts to rest any chance K-Love re-ups with the Wolves.  This week: Home to Atlanta and The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers, then an at-Brooklyn-home-vs.-the Clippers back-to-back Sunday and Monday.

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher wrestling and women's hockey (Last Week: Re-Entry! and Re-Entry! respectively).

I'll dispense with the gopher grapplers first, for I think it's appropriate I end this survey laying into the University of Minnesota women's hockey team for their historic, embarrassing loss.

I was mad as hell when I learned that the Gophers failed to win the NCAA championship.  Things were looking up for them, with their dual meet win over Penn St. during the regular season being a turning point, at least I thought.  But the squad only finished second, behind those goddamn Nittany Lions again, which won their fourth straight NCAA title.  Now that's a dynasty, Minnesota women's hockey team.

Thought that the Gophs, which led after the first day of the two-day meet, blew their lead.  But it's not quite like that.  I think that you only get points if the individual wrestler wins the class.  Both Penn St. and the U. had two wrestlers that had a chance to make the finals.  The Gophs' Dylan Ness, at 157 pounds, got his ass kicked by Oklahoma St.'s Alex Dieringer in the final, 13-4, but that's OK, because Ness was seeded ninth and Dieringer third.

But it's the other finalist, leader Tony Nelson at Heavyweight, which is more disappointing.  This guy has been a rock all year, and he was seeded first in the meet.  However, he was upset by his opponent in the championship match, second-seeded Nick Gwiazdowski of N.C. St., 4-2.  And apparently Nelson coughed up a big lead he built in the first part of that match.  If he holds on, the Gophers would have received four points.

Meanwhile, both Nittany Lion finalists won championships.  David Taylor won at 165 and Edward Ruth won at 184.  Taylor was #1 and undefeated; however, Ruth was seeded second and lost once.  However however, Ruth upset his opponent in the title match, Maryland's Jimmy Sheptock, who not only was seeded first but came into the match with an undefeated record.  You see, Penn St. pulled off the upset while Minnesota failed to prevent the upset.  If the matches went according to seed -- according to the perceived talents of the wrestlers, in other words -- Nelson would have won, Ruth would have lost, the U. would finally have won their first NCAA crown in (I think) 11 years by a score of 108-105.5.  Instead, Penn St. beat them, 109.5-104.  All the credit goes to Ruth, which probably would have cemented the Nittany Lions' championship.  But this one stings.  They have never been closer to a title than this year, and that opportunity may never come again.

Now that I've vented over the wrestling team, I now turn my gunsights on the women's hockey team, which had to come back to beat Wisconsin in the Frozen Four semifinal Friday.  That may have -- should have? -- been a sign that this team wasn't the world-beater we all expected them to be.  Turns out they weren't; they had trouble all game getting loose against a Clarkson program they were miles better than on paper, and they wound up failing to three-peat to a small school from Potsdam, New York.  This is the women's college hockey equivalent of the Miracle On Ice, or any upset on the Gophers men's team.

I am upset over the upset.  Very upset.  We don't have very much to look forward to sports-wise, so you can understand when we look forward to a really great team that's almost ordained to win a championship.  So when they fail to win, it automatically adds to the sense Minnesotans get that we're a damned group of people.  And so it is with this, added with the inexplicable event that the on-paper, hands-down best team in the sport lost, fucking lost.

I'm getting angrier just typing this.  I'm not reacting to this choke job.

I just read the recap/obituary on SI.com and it pisses me off.  These Golden Knight bitches are talking a lot of shit, and I fucking hate it.  Shannon MacAulay said, "Yeah, Minnesota won two years in a row.  That didn't mean anything to us."  Fuck you, MacAulay.  Carly Mercer said, "We didn't care how many national championships they'd won."  Fuck you too, Mercer.  Wow, I hope all you cunts in a bus crash.

I am absolutely sick of this upset.  And oh yeah, this is an upset.  Who cares if Clarkson was seeded third?  Somebody has to be seeded third.  Minnesota, meanwhile was seeded first, and by all measures the gap between first and third was as big as the fucking Grand Canyon.  This was a stunning upset, a monumental upset, possibly -- no, probably -- the biggest upset in top-flight women's college hockey history.  And the U. -- we -- were on the losing end of it.

A fucking disgrace.

Oh my fucking God, I'm taking this news worse than I thought.  I am pissed off about this loss, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY PISSED OFF.  My car's Check Engine light is on every time I accelerate, and as much as I feel my blood pressure rise and my chest tighten, it's this goddamn loss that's about to give me a heart attack.  I can't stop thinking about this loss.  It's like I need brain bleach to forget this.  How the fuck did these girls let this happen, to fucking Clarkson?

And now this fucking forsaken must suffer the shameful indignity of being listed on the WMNSS next year, and probably every year after that.  This could be the start of a vicious downward spiral.  Fuck this shit.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Monday, March 24:

• Sunday the 23rd ... After getting home around midnight and immediately going to bed, I woke up around 7.  Decided I didn't want to see my parents and didn't have anything really to do at home (what, clean my room?  Fuck that) and so I left to work on my computer at a coffeeshop where I usually get a mocha and a cookie, the latter of which I believe has been discounted from $1.59 or so to 99 cents.  That makes the total a lot cheaper than before, even with tip: $5.26.
• Then I took a quick trip to the mall closest to me.  Earlier last week I was at the mall and Girl Scouts were selling cookies.  I didn't have any money to spare to buy them then, and one of the mothers from the troupe said that this weekend was the last day.  I wanted some to snack on while grading, and I don't think I bought any the year before.  So, if Sunday was the last day, I made sure I got a box.  Trefoils, if you want to know: $4.
• On Saturday the 22nd I was nervous about doing charity work; it was the first time I was ever there.  So I ate lunch at Quizno's.  Used a coupon to pay for one of their new pastas.  Too small for what I paid.  With Coke and tip: $8.50.
• It went well, the event.  Then went to the Mall of America to return a couple of USB power adapters Mother told me to give back because they were too expensive for me to give to her as gifts.  Whatev.  I then went to St. Paul for the championship of the Big Ten Hockey Tournament.  I thought I would have a lot of time, specifically 2 1/2 hours or so, to leisurely eat at Cossetta.  But with going down to the Megamall, traffic and tending to my car (more on that later) I actually didn't.  I did have time to get to Cossetta and see that the place was packed and there were lines everywhere.  But I was able to get a couple sample squares of their pepperoni foccacia pizza, which was really good.  And then I went to the game, where Wisconsin came back from a 4-2 deficit for a 5-4 overtime victory over Ohio St. even though the Badgers didn't need to win this game because they were in regardless.  Scalped ticket, hot dog and souvenir-sized Coke: $32.75.
• Finally wound up at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) for coffee and tips: $10.
• Friday, March 21 ... After leaving late for my last day at work (I can't believe I promised my boss I wouldn't bill him for overtime!  Oh well, I'll make it up to him by slacking off at work next season, if I go back next season), I finally got my butt to downtown Minneapolis and the National Collegiate Hockey Conference Tournament semifinals.  I got there with about 7 1/2 minutes left in the second period of the first game between Denver and Western Michigan (Denver eventually won 4-3).  I don't think I've ever showed up that late into a game, but that's what happens when I leave work at 5 when I should have left a bit past 3:30.  (Shit, the more I think about it, the more I feel I'm allowing myself to be taken advantage of if I don't demand overtime pay.)  Scalped ticket, program, hot dog and chips at the outdoor festival (which nobody attended because it was in the twenties) and a Coors Light in a souvenir cup: $58.50.
• Finished my evening at Caffetto, with a mocha.  With tip: $3.50.
• On Wednesday the 19th I slummed it at Pizza Lucé to think about my bracket over their appetizer sampler and a free beer of their special stout, something called Ten Fiddy or something.  I wanted to say that I enjoyed the beer, but to be honest, it was so bitter that I think it stopped me from eating my food faster.  Something watered down, like Coors Light, and I would have been home sooner than 11:30.  With tip: $14.
• March 17th, aka my birthday ... after this interview I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) to unwind and celebrate.  Damn, the foursome working this shift were awesome!  And I was finally able to get a lapper from *****a, a relative newcomer to this place.  Blonde, sassy with big tits and a buxom figure, I needed this ex-bank employee to grind all over my hard dick.  With coffee and stage tips: $31.
• Saturday, March 15: Went to the library to print out my ticket to the Twin Cities Auto Show: 10 cents.
• Went to said Auto Show.  Stayed only 2 1/2, 3 hours.  I've never stayed for such a short time, at least not willingly.  Maybe I got bored.  Maybe I wanted to get home at a decent hour so as not to rile the ire of My Fucking Father, who is either giving me the silent treatment or remains groggy from his operation back on Monday.  Or maybe I'm starting to feel it's futile to look at cars I can't afford to buy.  But a guy can dream, can't he?  I mean, that's what the Twin Cities Auto Show is for, right?  OK, I'm convinced it was a good idea to go.  Anyway, they allowed food trucks in the Minneapolis Convention Center.  First time I've ever seen that, for the Auto Show or for any other event.  I got some tater tots from the Tot Boss food truck.  It says they're gluten-free.  They taste like any other tater tots I've had -- not to say they were bad, they were great, but nothing different or special.  And since they required people paying for food to go to a cash register to pay, I didn't have to leave a tip, so it came out to: $4.50.
• Afterward I wanted to treat myself in these dynamic days to a trip to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division).  Need to say this: One of the girls there is a five-dollar girl, therefore I giver her no money.  But I have seen this woman the last, oh, five or six times I've popped into this place.  It's weird that whenever I'm there, she's there.  This must be a sign or something.  Coffee and tips: $9.
• On Friday the 14th I wanted to go to this party.  But when I showed up, the host was in sweats.  The party, in fact, was next week.  Shit, I thought, I really should have checked her text one last time because I was afraid it was next week.  I had half a mind to ask her if I could get a dance from her anyway, just to make my drive to her house worth it.  Hell, I had a quarter of mind to take out my dick in front of her at the stoop.  But I was afraid she actually had company, like a niece or nephew.  So, my trip to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) would have to suffice.  And there I did get a dance, from *****y, someone who occasionally has worked the party I thought was going on Friday.  Her, stage tips for her and another girl and no coffee because the waitress there thinks she hates me (I don't, but I will if she doesn't get my coffee on a day I want it): $24.
• And then I went to Caffetto for pie and mocha.  With tip: $7.
• Tuesday, March 11 was a hell of a day: I actually had to take time away from work to quickly clean up the house because my parents were coming home a day early.  I might expound on that if I get the chance in a blog post.  But they told me all of this during lunch, and the phone call prevented me from getting in my midday nap, so I decided to get Mexican chicken chili from the eatery across the street from work.  With tip: $3.50.

Calling it.  Caught up through March 24.

Sunday Was A Bad Day

Oh, first the good news about my car: The sound I was complaining about a couple weeks ago was gone the next day.  So, onto the bad news ... which, well, I've covered repeatedly lately.

Today marks the first time the Check Engine light has been on on back-to-back days, and what's worse, it's getting to be on more consistently.  My first car trip this morning was when I woke up around 8 and decided to pop out of the house, and the light went on on my way to the coffeeshop -- just a quick jaunt to the coffeeshop, and the car wasn't even warm yet, and boom! the light was on.  And it went on from the mall to Taco Bell, and then from the community center to the railroad tracks, where I turned off the car while the trains rolled by.  Now, for really short trips -- from the coffeeshop to the mall, from Taco Bell to the gym, from the track so O'Reilly's to try and buy some radiator fluid but they were closed, and finally from there to home -- it didn't come on.  But anything else, as soon as I accelerated to between 40 and 60, it popped on.

Now about getting warm ... the past two days has been cold.  Well, relatively cold; temperatures are in the single digits and teens at night, but it's not like it's fucking -16 -- you know, it's been a hell of a lot colder, but it's typical Minnesota cold, and certainly cold for mid-to-late March.  It's also been windy.  Therefore, it's possible that both the cold and the wind contribute to jerking the light on.  Then again, the Check Engine light didn't come on all those teens-below-zero mornings weeks ago.  I hope it's something like a sensor.  I mean, the car is driveable ... well, except that is has a hell of a hard time accelerating.  Could it be something worse?  I'm supposed to worry if it comes on more consistently, so tomorrow, I will reserve a spot to bring it into My Other Mechanic Saturday -- assuming the light continues to come on, and also assuming my cars stays in one piece, as I begin the test scorer job a longer drive away.

---

But I'm really bummed about the University of Minnesota women's hockey team, which failed to three-peat after getting upset in Sunday afternoon's NCAA women's hockey championship final to Clarkson, 5-4.  This Clarkson team ain't no pushovers; they were seeded third.  But the Golden Gophers were seeded first and were by far the best team in top-flight women's college hockey.  Just not when it counted.

What a bad day for women's hockey teams I root for.  First it was the American women's Olympic hockey team choking on a two-goal lead and losing to the Canadians in the Gold Medal Game, and now this.  Yes, two in a row is a hell of a run, and no one will ever take away the completely undefeated 2012-3 season.  But this was an upset, a bad one, and you never know when you'll be NCAA champions again.

So now there's nowhere to go but down.  That, and back into the stultifying grind of The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.

I lost North Carolina, one of my picks for the Final Four, and still that doesn't hurt my heart as much as knowing the U. lady icers are losers.

NFL Anti-Picks Summary

Record, Super Bowl XLVIII: 0-1
Overall Record: 49-67-2
Total Outlay, Super Bowl XLVIII: $1,350.00
Total Winnings, Super Bowl XLVIII: $0
Loss, Super Bowl XLVIII: $1,350.00
Overall Loss: $2,564.75

Well, that sucked.

First of all, sorry I haven't updated this until now.  I hope you can understand partially why I decided not publish the results of this until now, although I also have been busy.

First of all, checking back at the score (Seattle 43, Denver 8) I don't realize until now how close I was to winning my bet of Under 48.  I remember my heart sinking when I saw Peyton Manning finally break the end line, score a touchdown for the Broncos and break their cherry.  But that was not the score that pushed the total of the Super Bowl above the O/U; it was the ensuing touchdown on the next possession, when Seattle Russell Wilson threw to Doug Baldwin, that did that.

Well, with the way Seattle kept scoring at will before then, I kind of thought I was in big trouble.  I, and I'm guessing everybody else in the entire world, didn't expect a shit-kicking, although with the way every Super Bowl in the past two decades or so have been at least mildly intriguing through the fourth quarter, I guess we were due a clunker.  But I did not expect the game to be decided when Manning had the ball.  That matched up Denver's offense against Seattle defense -- strength vs. strength.  I thought that particular theater would be played to a draw, and therefore the Super Bowl would turn on either the Seahawks offense or the Broncos defense.

Instead, the Legion of Boom just detonated all over Manning and his Wide Receivers.  Although Manning passed for 280 yards, Seattle's D picked him off twice, one a 69-yard pick-six by Sam Smith.  The LOB also recovered two fumbles and stripped Denver of two more that the Broncos recovered.  Although Demaryius Thomas caught for 118 yards and was on the receiving end of that touchdown, and Wes Welker racked up 84 yards, the Denver WRs had little to no daylight to get those Yards After Catch they relied on all season.  And the offense just weren't firing on cylinders all game.  That safety on the first offensive play of the game, giving Seattle the early 2-0 lead, seemed to send Denver on a downward spiral.

Oh, and I shouldn't forget Percy Harvin's second half-opening kickoff return for a TD.  If Super Bowl XLVIII wasn't over at halftime, it certainly was 12 seconds into it.  Seattle's defense and special teams accounted for 16 of Seattle's 43 points, doubling Denver's total.  I guess that was the story of the game.

Not to say that Seattle's offense was totally out of the picture.  They scored three touchdowns, two of them on passes by Wilson, but he only threw for 206 yards.  Two field goals in the first quarter Steven Hauschka were indications that the Broncos D was able to bend, not break.  But Seattle's D stifled Manning and the offense, and the ensuing turnovers and ensuing points ensured that Denver was done early.

So was I.  My last-ditch effort to escape the red hole failed because I fell in love with the image of a cold, outdoor setting shutting down offenses and scoring.  The Meadowlands site was a rousing success in part because there wasn't any precipitation.  Hopefully that means many more cold-weather Super Bowls outdoor, which Nature intended.

Nevertheless, I finish the year losing $2,500.  I at least am heartened by the fact that I in reality did not bet this money, therefore I didn't really lose $2,500.  What I do have, however, is the shame that I would have lost that amount of money if I were so bold/stupid in making these picks all season long.

NCAA Tournament Anti-Picks, Round Two

Record, Round One: 3-8
Total Outlay, Round One: $675.00
Total Winnings, Round One: $404.35
Loss, Round One: $270.65

So, my usual tact in the beginning round of March Madness of concentrating on the upsets has once again failed.  I got Harvard, thank goodness.  But Nebraska wasn't even close; they couldn't hit the broad side of a barn while getting blown out by Baylor until inexplicably coming on strong when it was way too late.  Meanwhile, N.C. St. had Saint Louis by the shorthairs until the Billikens started fouling and the Wolfpack validated the "Hack-A-Pack" strategy by continuing to miss free throws until they choked away the entire lead at the end of regulation.  N.C. St. then lost in overtime.

Not for nothing, I made the mistake of listing the Wolfpack as three-point favorites when they were three-point underdogs.  No one had them favored, but by rule with these Anti-Picks I have to follow by what I wrote and published.  I would have escaped with a push and got $100 back, but since I typed in a "-" instead of a "+," I have to dock myself that Benjamin.

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Got a long and scary day ahead of me, so I'll present my picks without explanation:

1) Dayton +7 $50

2) UConn +4 $50

3) Louisville -9 1/2 $100

4) Oregon +5 $100

5) Oregon M/L +193 $50

6) Mercer +8 $100

7) Mercer M/L +355 $50

8) Stanford +6 $50

9) Kentucky +2 1/2 $50

10) Iowa St.-North Carolina Under 159 $100

11) Stephen F. Austin +8 1/2 $100

12) Stephen F. Austin M/L +355 $50

13) Gonzaga +6 $50

14) Parlay 3) with 6), for $150.

15) Parlay 5), 7), and 12), for $100.

16) Parlay 1), 2) and 3), for $50.

17) Parlay 6), 8), 9), 10), and 13), for $25.

Good luck!

Fuck You, Warren Buffet And Dan Gilbert

Advertising works, first of all.  A couple weeks ago, tantalized about looking forward to thinking about my NCAA men's basketball tournament bracket, I listened to who I usually listen to in the 7-8 a.m. hour, my first hour at work, Evan & Phillips In The Morning on Sirius XM Mad Dog Sports Radio 86.  Their commercial touted that this Warren Buffet Billion Dollar Bracket that he announced a couple months ago, and to which I thought to myself, "Shoot, what's the website so I can sign up for that?" was finally up and running.  And it was at a site I was familiar with.  Yahoo! Sports struck a deal with Buffet and partner (and Owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers) Dan Gilbert to be the company overseeing their billion-dollar prize.  I've had an e-mail account with Yahoo! for a couple decades, and I funnel all my fantasy sports dealings (including March Madness) through them, so all I had to do was login and sign up.

When Monday rolled around, I was busy.  Very busy.  Between working, winding down work as I move on to my next job next Monday, researching my bracket, celebrating my birthday, and preparing for this charity event I'm organizing for Saturday, I was really afraid I wouldn't be able to make any picks at all.  (That was one reason why I decided to put off the auction for my fantasy baseball league till the weekend after this, even though it technically begins this weekend when the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Arizona Diamondbacks play a series in Australia.)  Besides, I decided to employ a new strategy in filling out my bracket.  Since I think my biggest weakness is picking too many upsets (I'm a Pisces so I have a soft spot for underdogs), I decided I would just set aside two minutes, get into the Billion Dollar Bracket, and pick all the higher seeds all the way to the final, and then go by the rankings of the #1 seeds in the Final Four.  That meant that Florida, which would beat Virginia, would also defeat Arizona, which would beat Wichita St., in the title game.  Just to do it as a placeholder.

When I like something, I will find the time to indulge in it.  Like Internet porn.  Or doing my bracket.  I did all the research, with an emphasis on advanced statistics like Kenpom.  I also have to give a hat tip to this two-year-old Bleacher Report compendium of what seeds usually advance in the tourney.  Finally, after spending my Wednesday evening at Pizza Luce to ruminate over my bracket (over an appetizer sampler that stuffed my stomach only a couple hours after I had dinner and, to put things gently, did not agree with me at work Thursday), I settled on Florida (which would beat my surprise team, North Carolina, in the Final Four) over Arizona (which would beat Louisville) in the national championship game.

So a bit before midnight, I swear, I finally make it home and enter my picks.  But when I loaded it up and started click-and-dragging like you can do whenever you edit any bracket, I was taken aback that I couldn't.  I went to my other Yahoo! bracket that I'm doing with my friend, and not only could I move and delete teams, the layout was kind of different.  That's when it dawned on me.  There wasn't a glitch.  The Billion Dollar Bracket doesn't allow you to edit your picks.  To which I say, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

I checked the fine print.  It said something about making picks before "the Entry Window closed," whatever the fuck that means.  Look, I don't see anything about being able to change your picks once you enter them.  But I didn't see anything about not being able to change your picks once you enter them.  And then, of course, there's that nagging crutch called common sense.  Why in the hell wouldn't I be able to change my mind on my bracket?  What bracket ever in the history of cyberspace makes you etch your bracket in stone once and only once?  It's the Internet -- you can change shit all the time.  But not a bracket?

My friend told me that you could change your bracket up till 1 in the morning Eastern Daylight Time.  But I swear that I got to it before midnight and I couldn't move anything.  And no, I would not have gotten the billion dollars because I, like 90% of the rest of the 15 million entrants, picked Ohio St. and so got bounced in the first "real" game of the NCAA Tournament Thursday.  But remember that there is a "consolation" prize of $100,000 going to the top 20 finishers in the contest.  As of press time, I have dropped four teams (Ohio St., N.C. St., Oklahoma and Arizona St.), none of them I have advancing into next weekend.  That's really good, and even though the tough choices won't happen until Friday, I am in good position right now, something I doubt I have ever been able to say.  But I'm not even in the running for the $100,000 because I picked the chalk, and that's not going to win, that's for sure.

This is a ripoff.  I feel I got screwed.  I want to grab Mr. Buffett and/or Mr. Gilbert and ask them why theirs is the only bracket where I couldn't enter or change my picks up till the first tip of the first game on Thursday, something every other bracket in the fucking universe lets you do.  What I thought was a great, mouth-watering idea really is nothing more than a goddamn confidence game.

NCAA Tournament Anti-Picks, Round One

I'm tired and need to go to bed, so I'll make this quick:

1) N.C. St. -3 $100

2) N.C. St. M/L +136 $50

3) American +14 $50

4) Harvard +3 $100

5) Harvard M/L +136 $50

6) Kansas St. +6 $50

7) Nebraska +3 1/2 $100

8) Nebraska M/L +157.5 $50

9) Iowa St.-N.C. Central Over 143.5 $50

10) Parlay 1), 4) and 7), for $50

11) Parlay 2), 5) and 8), for $25

Good luck!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -6).  In this time of the year, where seasons end in time with the (alleged) end of winter, the summer pastime of baseball grabs the top spot, albeit due only to numbers.  They took two of three at Sacramento St. over the weekend (they won the series with a ten-inning 5-3 win Sunday), then began their two-game midweek set at St. Mary's with a 15-11 victory.

Since I have to research my bracket, I'm going to leave this entry short.  Besides, there's not much about the baseball team to write about, at least right now.  They play another game against the Gaels Wednesday before finally ending their six-week season-opening roadtrip by, ironically, beginning Big Ten play with three games at Northwestern on the weekend.

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2).  Ending the regular season with a 6-2 shellacking at the hands of Michigan wasn't good.  However, I can understand Head Coach Don Lucia easing off the gas pedal because on Friday, Kyle Rau scored in overtime to give the Gophers a 3-2 win in the opening game of the two-game set, and in the process gave the U. three points (only two were necessary) that clinched them the first-ever Big Ten hockey regular season championship.

This club received a tidal wave of accolades upon the year's conclusion.  For the week, Brady Skjei was named conference Third Star for scoring three goals in the series against the Wolverines, including being the only source of scoring in their loss Saturday.  For the season, congratulations go out to the following: Don Lucia for being named B1G Coach Of The Year, Mike Reilly for being named B1G Defensive Player Of The Year and, most of all, Adam Wilcox for being named not just B1G Goaltender Of The Year but also B1G Player Of The Year.  Both Reilly and Wilcox were named to the All-Big Ten First Team as well.

They gear up for the inaugural B1G hockey tournament taking place this weekend at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul.  Since they won the six-team league, they get a bye to Friday's semifinals, where they await either Ohio St. or Michigan St.  The championship game will be played Saturday night at 7, and I expect to be there.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -8).  A 2-2 week, but they ruled over New York City.  A shootout loss at home to Columbus and a 4-1 drubbing at well-oiled Boston are counterbalanced and sandwiched by a much-needed 2-1 win over the Rangers (which helped wipe away the bad taste of three straight losses) and a very confident 6-0 shit-kicking at the Islanders.  While lines 2 through 4 remain unable to generate points (the rout over the Isles notwithstanding), Head Coach Mike Yeo continues to keep the top line of Zach Parise, Mikael Granlund and Jason Pominville intact.  Do you risk chemistry in order to provide balance to the other lines?  This week: At New Jersey and then a weekend home-and-home with Detroit.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  See, weeks like this make me wonder how far along the Woofie Dogs are.  They had only two games against middling opponents.  I would think that a team led by Kevin Love, Ricky Rubio and Nikola Pekovic would be able to win both games, but they lost at Charlotte by a dozen and then barely held on to defeat Sacramento at Target, 104-102.  And so they are stuck in tenth place in the Western Conference, 5 1/2 games behind eighth-place Memphis.  So yeah, there's no hope.

This week they're a lot busier.  They do a Texas two-step tonight (Dallas) and tomorrow (Houston), then a torturous back-to-back: Home to Phoenix Sunday, then at Memphis.

#-5: Swarm (Last Week: -7).  This is mind-boggling.  Despite dropping to 2-9 in the NLL after Sunday's overtime loss to Toronto at the X, they remain just a half-game behind Philadelphia and one game behind Vancouver for the final spot in the playoffs.  The Smarm remain viable because the league this year is in extremis: Edmonton has already secured a postseason spot because they're 10-0, while Buffalo is 8-2 and Rochester is 9-3.

But how many chances will the other shitty teams in the league give to Minnesota before it chokes it away for good?  And will they finally win a game at home when they host the Buffalo Bandits this Sunday afternoon?

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher men's and women's basketball (Last Week: -1 and -5, respectively).  It should be noted, even though it can't be verified, that it's likely both Minnesota teams were the Last Team Out, also known as, respectively, Team 69 and Team 65.

For the men, it looked bad starting the last couple weeks of the regular season, when the latest bracketology predictions ushered the Goofs out of the field.  They had one final chance to make a good impression at the B1G tournament, but the blowout lost at the hands of Wisconsin probably was the final nail in the coffin.  That the NIT named the U. their #1 overall seed makes me believe either they or SMU are the NCAA bridesmaid.  That appellation, however, should not be considered a good thing, especially after the squad had sort of a tough time putting away High Point Tuesday evening.

On the other hand, even though I didn't think they were world beaters, I thought Minnesota was in.  Charlie Creme, women's college bracketologist for ESPN.com, was right, however.  Despite not losing their first game in the conference tournament, they in fact did have to beat Nebraska in order, probably, to make it into the NCAAs.  And so the drought for Pam Borton's club, and for Pam Borton, reaches five years.

Tonight awaits a fan-induced conundrum.  I wouldn't blame the lady Goofs if they lose their WNIT first-round game at Williams Arena tonight to Wisconsin-Green Bay.  Like the men, they're in the consolation tourney.  If it's not the real Big Dance, who gives a shit?  But then, if they lose to the Phoenix, I'll be the first one going, "Why the fuck did you lose to Wisconsin fucking Green Bay?!"

Well, there's one good thing about them reaching only their respective National Invitational Tournaments: I don't have to write about them anymore.  And now begins the part of the year where the WMNSS shortens, thank God.

Four Lights

So, my oil level light has been going on-and-off for years now, but for the past several days it's been on a lot.  I put some oil in on Tuesday and then Sunday, but it hasn't seemed to work.  Sometimes it shuts off while I'm driving, but on Monday, when I went from work to that interview I alluded to in my last blog post to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) to home, it was more often than not.

On Sunday, while driving to Wendy's before heading off to the storage facility to look for my passport, I pump my brakes to back the car down the driveway, and I notice that the taillight warning light is on.  Again?  Shit!  Didn't I change one of these back in the fall?  I don't know which one it is, so I have to find the time to back my way up to a mirror to see which of the six in the back have to be changed.  I hope it's not the one I replaced back in the fall.  In the meantime, though, I have to leave with seeing that warning light on ... including all the way home on Monday.

What has behaved itself, sort of, is the Check Engine light.  It had not been on for some time, maybe two weeks or so ago it was on when I went to have coffee at Caffetto, then it came on again when I drove home.  But I hadn't seen it since -- until the drive home on Monday.

So let me take you to that drive home.  I'm on the highway, driving withe taillight warning light on.  Suddenly, the Check Engine light comes on.  Then, the low oil level light comes on.  I've seen the latter two amber lights on side-by-side, but never three.  But there is a fourth: Because I'm waiting to get gas on Double Discount Tuesdays, I'm driving with a near-empty fuel tank, and with the huge drive I had on Monday, it dipped low enough to slowly warm up the low gas light, too.

So dig, if you will, the picture: Not just one, or two, or three amber lights.  Oh no, not for this ambitious birthday boy who can't let go of a car which is giving him more problems than his psyche probably could tolerate.  No, my dashboard had four warning lights on at the same time, a definite first.  And the thing is, my heart rate didn't really go up all that much.  I've had all of these lights on, just not on all at once.  But my car seemed to drive fine all the way home.

Now I have to triage these lights.  Obviously I can just gas up the car today, although I wonder if my stress level will force me to do it before I go to work or if my fatigue level pushes that back till when I come back from work.  That taillight warning light will stay on till I'm out of work, damn it.  I assume that the Check Engine light's on because of our recent cold spell; once we finally reach spring, if it's still on, then I'll really start to worry.  But it's the low oil level light that bothers me.  I've put in a lot the past week, and still the sensor's on.  I don't want to be driving with the pistons grinding against metal.  But on the other hand I don't want to overfill my engine, either.  That sensor has to be unreliable, and I need to not panic and destroy the engine by dumping quarts of oil into it.

So that's why I embedding video of Captain Jean-Luc Picard screaming at the top of this blog post.  You know that he specifically wanted an episode about him being captured and tortured because of his work in the past with Amnesty International, don't you?

Well, She Seems Psycho (Scheduled Post)

I don't know why I'm going out for an interview this afternoon.  It's for a similar job in the healthcare industry, but I didn't have the heart to tell the temp agency that I've already lined up a test scoring project next Monday.  Maybe it's because I want to make absolutely sure I take this in if these guys tell me it'd be good for me.  If this company blows me away with, like, am $18/hour wage and a potential to be hired full-time, I won't regret taking in this interview.

But for now, I do, because I have to leave work early in order to get to the interview, which is across town.  Although this is a temp job, these guys have been really good to me, so bugging out a half-hour or a full hour before the end of work because I'm trying to find another job doesn't seem right.  (Never mind my hypocrisy about leaving these guys for a job I found myself, please.)  And of course you have the futile act of driving all the way to a suburb just to take in an interview for a job that I probably won't take if offered -- a job, by the way that will be for a project that lasts through mid-May at the most.  Why the hell am I interviewing for a six- or seven-week job?

Richest of all was the phone call I got preparing me for the interview.  The guy at the agency "works" with the person who will interview me, and he was coaching me on Friday to concentrate on a few things that she likes.  Three things he emphasized: Make sure you know what the job entails; give specific examples of any work experience in the past that you will need to do for this job; and, weirdest of all, don't go on about things.  He told me that last thing first, then told me the second thing second, which confused me: So, I'm supposed to give short answers unless I'm supposed to give long answers?  I guess I should give long answers when it comes to examples of work, but frankly, being told to not talk about yourself, while understandable, is a strange stipulation to ask of someone before a job interview.

I'll be honest: I have a very negative image of the person who is going to interview me.  I have to cut short my workday, drive clear across town (possibly through snow) and sit down for someone who'll be my boss for no more than two months.  And now I have to fucking watch what I say.  I don't have such worries with the flu biller job.  Hell, they hired me sight unseen, and I think it's gone very well, if I do say so myself.  And this new job, the testing project job?  I came in for an interview, but I'm starting my fourth season with them.  That's why an interview with them was important.  But two months?  Are you kidding me?  Oh, and the testing place doesn't have a dress code, thank Buddha.  I have to suit up for this interview, for crissake.

I don't want to completely blow this off, and there is a chance that my relationship with my temp agency will be ruined if things don't go well, so I have to at least give this a shot.  But ... this is a waste of my time.  I'm doing this only for the people who find me jobs, but other than that, this is a complete waste of my time.  What am I getting dressed up for?  Why did I shave?

Oh yeah -- and I'm having this interview on my birthday!!!  Oh, I so need a fucking lap dance once I'm out of there.

It's That Time Of The Year Again: Men's Tournament Speculation

This time of the year is why I follow blogs here on WAF.  The vast majority of them have one goal: To predict who will make the annual NCAA men's basketball tournament.  I may not see them but once a year, around now, but when that time does come around, boy, I'm on these sites constantly.  That's why I love them.

This year seems to be different than most in that the bubble appears set and that in fact the field of 68 teams has largely been decided.  The speculator sites have largely been in agreement on that, and most notably have settled in on a line of teams in which the cut line has not moved.

Instead of going through each of the sites, the handy Bracket Matrix adds up all the bracketologists and comes up with a collective mind hive master list of teams in and out.  Ironically, however, they are no longer on my list of followed blogs.  The Bracket Matrix was last year, but it looks as if it now has its own site free of Blogger.

So according to the aggregate Bracket Matrix, as of press time, here is the bubble:

Last Four "Actually" In, AKA The Last Four "Byes":

• Arizona St.
• St. Joseph's
• SMU
• Tennessee

The Four At-Large Teams That Have To Play The Play-In Games:

• Xavier
• Nebraska
• Dayton
• BYU

Last Four Teams Out:

• Southern Miss
• Minnesota
• Cal
• Florida St.

Bracket Matrix might update again Sunday, but assuming I can't look at it then, this is the list by which we'll see if these guys correctly guess the bracket the NCAA Selection Committee will put out 5 o'clock Sunday evening.  I can't wait.  Every year I can't wait!

ETA early Sunday morning that the Bracket Matrix has been updated, and for some reason, Iowa replaces Arizona St. as one of the Last Four "Truly" In.

Me, A Leader? (Scheduled Post)

Oh yeah, I don't think I've posted this yet.  A few weeks ago I got a call from the supervisor for the testing project I've done the past three years.  Not only have I been asked back -- thank God, seeing that I don't think I was that fast last year -- but I was asked to be a team leader.  A team leader??

What team leaders do is ... well, my team leader these three years basically had to put up with me pestering her with my incessant bullshit questions every day for the entire project.  I'm also supposed to keep track of how fast and how accurate the scorers are and pat their behinds to tell them to get on their bike if they're being slow -- I'm imagining myself as a sheep herder -- and kind of call them if they're wrong.  Finally, I have to oversee questions that might be used next year.

It's a step up, and frankly, I'm afraid.  Being in a position of authority is one I'm not used to at all, mostly because I like being the underdog.  There is no responsibility as a plebian, and all you get as a leader is grief, resentment and gossip of people hating and/or making fun of you behind your back.  Besides, if you know me, I don't scream "leader."  Finally, being elevated to a new position changes my perception of this project and the people I will be working with/for/over.  Will I like the other team leaders, whom I looked up to the past three years but now will see as equals?  How about my supervisor, whom I will now directly answer to?  Will I chafe under or, dare I say it, scorn her authority?  And will having control (for lack of a better word) over the scorers make me think of them less as guys just trying to do their best and more as sheep that can't think for themselves?  In other words, would taking this new job make me hate this job that I love so much?

But then my supervisor told me about the bump in pay and I said OK.

This comes on the heels of being named (well, volunteering) to be president of my alumni club.  Frankly, so far I've sucked at it.  I haven't been on the ball, I've let things slide, I don't know if I'm keeping the right amount of contact with the members of the group, and there's this huge project coming up next week and I'm deathly afraid I'm not doing it right.  And they call me a leader?

Is this called growing up?