#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -3). In a week that was both slow (both U. hockey teams are done for the year; Minnesota wrestling had the week off) and lackluster, we give the top spot to the Gopher men's basketball team, which destroyed Southern 85-57 at Williams Arena last Wednesday. They were led by Senior Center Maurice Walker, who was named the B1G Player Of The Week for his work against Southern (as well as the previous victory over North Dakota). Did not know that his teammate, Andre Hollins, received the honor the week before; sorry.
Nothing else to say; so long as they continue to past cupcakes during this homestand, all is as good as it can be. Play Seattle and Furman this screening week.
#-2: Twins (Re-Entry!). Torii Hunter coming back to the organization that drafted him in the first place wasn't enough to warrant the reappearance of the Twinks. But this week's signing of Ervin Santana gives me an excuse to talk about Hunter and to lump his addition to that of Santana.
What to make of it, I don't know. Santana instantly provides an upgrade to what was the worst starting rotation in Major League Baseball in terms of Earned Run Average. Yet he ain't no spring chicken; he's 30. This is another case of the Twins doing it the Twins Way: Find someone coming off a down year due to injury or just lack of production, sign him up for cheap, and hope that the return on investment outstrips the money they sunk into him. I think that has not worked way more often than it has worked. More importantly, the fan base is tired of this squad trying to find diamonds in the rough, especially after taxpayers built the Pohlads a new stadium they promised would give them the money to be competitive.
If Santana is old, Hunter, Buddha bless him, is ancient. It's always nice to see players you grew up watching wearing your favorite team's uniform, but this obviously amounts to a bell lap for Hunter. I don't know where or even if he's going to fit into the everyday lineup (although God knows the major club could use him). That leads to speculation that if the Twinks are again out of the playoff chase, Hunter will be flipped to a contender that could use a utility outfielder. Bottom line: These innocuous moves give the Twinks the runner-up spot in this week's survey.
In the meantime, it looks as if Hunter's second stint with the club is going to go as well as Randy Moss's second stint with the Vikings, at least from a media point-of-view. Some person from the St. Paul Pioneer Press asked him about his anti-gay marriage stance and Hunter calls him a prick. Homophobic and a bully -- way to tarnish your image, Torii.
#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -8). I still don't really know where to place the Woofie Dogs. On the one hand, I really want to dock these guys for hosting The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers on the night Kobe Bryant passed Michael Jordan for third in most points in a career in National Basketball Association history. It seems as if big individual milestones happen a lot in the Twin Cities against the local team. I'm thinking of Cal Ripken hitting his 3,000th hit against the Twins, and Brett Favre breaking the record for most passing touchdowns in a career against the Vikings. It certainly isn't the Wolves' fault; after all, if Bryant scored eight more points in his previous game, the record wouldn't have been set at Target Center. But it was, and I feel the need to punish the Wolves, especially because they lost to the Lakers as well.
But of the four games they played, they did win one, and that was at home against the Portland Trail Blazers. That is significant because not only did it break a six-game losing streak, it is their first win against a team with a record above .500. That's a milestone in and of itself, even if it pales in comparison to what Bryant has done. Nevertheless it's enough to put this club ahead of the Wild in this WMNSS (I'm being charitable). And with the veterans still out and the rookies still needing to play, expect these beatings and hard lessons to continue. This week: At Boston, home to Indiana, then back out on the road to face LeBron James and Cleveland.
#-4: Wild (Last Week: -7). Well, first of all, they were one of the teams devastated by this mumps outbreak that has wreaked havoc on seemingly the entire National Hockey League. (Did you see Sidney Crosby's face? It looks like something Picasso would paint.) It took out Ryan Suter and ... well, doesn't matter who else, it's Ryan Suter, the man who sucks up more minutes than all but a handful of players, and of course the Mild suffered as a result. They sandwich a win at the Arizona (formerly Phoenix) Coyotes with losses at San Jose and Chicago, and that win came via shootout, so it doesn't count as a "real" win. Try as they might, they remain orbiting the outer reaches of the Western Conference playoffs like the Kuiper Belt.
The Mild have a four-game homestand starting tonight (Wednesday night), where, as we speak, they are trailing the Boston Bruins. They also host Nashville and Philadelphia this week.
#-5: Vikings (Last Week: -4). Well, at least they had a lead. They actually looked really good in opening up 14-0 at Detroit. Teddy Bridgewater had a solid start that led to a pretty good game. I think this is the first time he's thrown for more than 300 yards. But you have to remember that this is a young and not really good team playing on the road.
Also, I am now a believer that the Lions are a good team. They didn't pass it down the field at will (testament to a vast improvement for the Vikings defense from bad to, um, adequate), but they penetrated enough for Kicker Matt Prater to kick three Field Goals and give Detroit the eventual 16-14 victory. They have a hellacious defense, too, and it did its part to stifle Bridgewater and the offense so the Lions could spark their comeback. The Vikes had their chances, but Detroit was relentless coming back from that deficit, and in the end Minnesota's heart just gave out.
By the way, Blair Walsh is now the second young player with a promising start to his career to fall into some serious doubt. He missed, I think, three FGs in the loss Sunday after missing two the week before against the New York Jets. Some of them weren't his fault. But some of them were, and now he follows Matt Kalil as people the squad thought they could count on for some team, and now can't.
There's not a whole lot to say besides that. Team's just playing out the string. At least they will be in sunny and warm Miami Sunday afternoon, though.
#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -5). In their only game of the screening week, the club won at North Dakota, 68-55 last Wednesday. But the win came at an enormous cost: Rachel Banham tore her Anterior Cruciate Ligament and is gone for the year. She'll probably apply for the injury waiver to come back next year, and I think her chances of being granted one are ever in her favor. But this wipes out any chance for new Head Coach Marlene Stollings to hit the ground running in her first year. Not saying that this team was a national title contender. In fact, come to think of it, Amanda Zahui B. and Carlie Wagner are going to be around next year, so the U. women's b-ball team will have a Big Three, just a year delayed.
Nevertheless the intrigue for this season is all wiped out. We'll see how good (or bad) this team is without one of the best Point Guards in the women's college game this weekend when the Gophs host the Subway Classic. They play Liberty Saturday afternoon and Central Michigan Sunday afternoon.
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