So, last time we spoke about it, I went through a lot of crap in order to finally buy a jersey off a guy on Amazon. I kept looking online for tracking updates because I wanted this jersey so bad. But when I checked this one time, I noticed a little note below the description of the jersey. Something to the effect of "#15 BECKERMAN." That would be Kyle Beckerman, Midfielder for the United States men's soccer team. You know, the one that shit the bed and wiped out in fourth place in the Gold Cup that finished over the weekend. That certainly isn't the jersey I wanted. For one thing, I don't get jerseys featuring the name and number of my favorite player. Until I change my mind, I root for the name in the front of the jersey, not the name on the back. And for another, I ain't gonna wear the jersey for some shit loser soccer team. Only winners get draped over my torso.
I opened the box when it came the Friday before last, and sure enough, through the clear bubble packaging I can see the word, "BECKERMAN" on the back of the jersey. I may have picked up the jersey, once. I certainly didn't unfold it and wear it. It was not what I had ordered, so in disgust I closed the box. I immediately went online to prepare a return label. The next day I taped it shut (only to have to reopen it again because Amazon told me to slip in a part of the label inside in case the packaging on the box ripped off) and dropped it off at UPS.
In the meantime I was so angry and so desperate that after I prepared the return label I went scouring through websites to find where I could still buy a jersey. At this point I was determined to buy one, at any price, but if I had trouble finding one up to this point, it would have been impossible at this point. And yet ... my persistence led me back to Nike, and as luck would have it they either still had, or had received a returned, United States Women's National Soccer Team home white jersey, the one they wore when they beat Japan earlier this month to win the Women's World Cup. One problem: It was a Small, not a Medium. But I checked the measurements. My waist measurement (which I put down here, even though it's from high school) is out-of-date, to be honest with you; my current measurement makes me way too fat for a small. However, I assume my chest size is still the same, and in that aspect I am under the range for a small. Also, one of the reviews said the jersey runs a little big. Finally, hey, Nike is actually selling these jerseys again! So I bit the bullet -- and, in a case where things were breaking my way, I actually used my points from American Express to lop off $50 from the price ... which, by the way, was still discounted from $90 to $70 after the World Cup. So I could deal with a tight jersey for twenty bucks!
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It was supposed to come back on Friday, but it came Thursday. Unlike this cheater from Amazon, this actually was the women's, not men's jersey. I looked at it skeptically; would it fit?
I try it on. I was worried that it would be too tight around my chest. But it wasn't. There's a lot of room up in the chest, thereby affirming that the measurements were right (with the help, possibly, of it naturally running long). I'm not suffocating when I wear it, and it looks like a men's cut. I am happy, very happy.
With two exceptions. My waist is too big for a small. The jersey is tight enough for you to outline the shape of my gut. I stood up in front of a mirror and could see a prominent belly poking through the stretched jersey. Man, that is big. Also, it is kind of sheer, and a couple times in different light, I could see my chest and nipples peeking through. So if I walk around, say, downtown Minneapolis wearing just this up top when I go watch English Premier League opening weekend, people are going to see a fat dude that's basically topless.
Guess I'll have to wear another shirt under it. Oh, well. I got the jersey I wanted! For twenty bucks!
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It was supposed to come back on Friday, but it came Thursday. Unlike this cheater from Amazon, this actually was the women's, not men's jersey. I looked at it skeptically; would it fit?
I try it on. I was worried that it would be too tight around my chest. But it wasn't. There's a lot of room up in the chest, thereby affirming that the measurements were right (with the help, possibly, of it naturally running long). I'm not suffocating when I wear it, and it looks like a men's cut. I am happy, very happy.
With two exceptions. My waist is too big for a small. The jersey is tight enough for you to outline the shape of my gut. I stood up in front of a mirror and could see a prominent belly poking through the stretched jersey. Man, that is big. Also, it is kind of sheer, and a couple times in different light, I could see my chest and nipples peeking through. So if I walk around, say, downtown Minneapolis wearing just this up top when I go watch English Premier League opening weekend, people are going to see a fat dude that's basically topless.
Guess I'll have to wear another shirt under it. Oh, well. I got the jersey I wanted! For twenty bucks!
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