I'm going in to work at the test scoring place. Today I try and qualify for the second and final phase of this project. I will know by the end of the day whether or not I am in or out.
Last night, just out of curiosity, I booted up my old tablet. I did not turn it off, and I forgot that I had an old alarm setting at a quarter after six in the morning. I have not been able to go back to sleep since. To be up two hours and fifteen minutes before going to work is ridiculous. Being up that long I will need a nap, and that's when the first test begins.
A part of me is almost certain that I'll fail, and since there's nothing else to do, my work there will literally be done. Another part of me, frankly, is oblivious to these tests -- "What, me fail?" I hate that there's a part of me that feels absolutely doomed when there's no proof, and I also hate that there's a part of me that thinks everything's going to be just fine when there's no proof. Truth is I have no idea how I'll do in these tests. And I hate that most of all.
Meanwhile my contact at the temp agency left me a voicemail. This after getting what appears to be a call from him on his personal phone line and not being able to hear him. And that comes after work yesterday where I tried to reach him, got his voicemail because he was out, and was told his mailbox was full. Honestly, I wish I could have left a voicemail; that would make talking about not going back to this job in the fall a lot easier.
Nevertheless, I feel more and more sure that not returning is the right thing to do. Everything has crystallized now. I can deal with just about everything there except The Asshole, and The Asshole is the only reason (well, there is that issue of pay) I'm not coming back, and I'm OK with that. I would like to think that I'm smart enough to find work at another place where hopefully I won't get screamed at by a guy just for asking one question. I think I've made enough money for the temp agency that they'll get me to someplace else, someplace better. Hopefully.
Finally, I have waited all week for a call from the network. The Twins game is being broadcast nationally, and that usually means they need someone to help out with the game. Well, it's Friday, the day before the game, and I heard nothing. This means one of two things. Either the move to cable means that they no longer are looking for day players, or it's something more sinister -- they choose some other local bobo instead of me, a guy who's been loyal to them for years helping out with Twins games.
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To sum up: I have no work for tomorrow. There's a chance (a good one?) that I will have no work come Monday ... which will raise a lot of questions with my parents, of course. And come fall, I won't have work then. That one is the worst; it's a place that wants me and is paying good money. But I'm not going back to a place where I'll be disrespected like that.
I'm thinking now more than ever I need a change. But I looked at bank account last night and it's still fucking below two grand. All this work, and I'm under two grand! I need work. Why can't I find work that pays well where I can be totally happy? Why the fuck not?!
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