Last week my temp agency called me; the flu biller place wants me back for the season. So however much time I had to really think about whether or not I wanted to go back to the place where The Asshole yelled at me, already short because of the time of year, now had a concrete period of time. Even less so Tuesday while gassing up the old car before coming home yesterday (Tuesday). I had thought about what I was going to say to my contact at the agency. I was going to wait until the right time this week. Maybe it was going to be Friday afternoon, but no, maybe give the flu billers Thursday afternoon so they know what's up before the weekend's through. But then work threw yet another goddamn curveball and said that we would not go straight away into training for the second (and now final) phase of this project after getting down with the first phase; we will instead be cut for the day and start training the following morning. The way it looks now, the cut day is today (Wednesday), giving me plenty of time in the afternoon to give him my final answer.
And what is my final answer? I'm scaring myself half to death that I don't have the stones to go through with it, and maybe I won't. But I think it's going to be no. It's sad. I'm going to be a broken record, but I liked (parts of) the job, I liked (most of) the people, I liked the workload once it settled down, and I definitely loved the commute. With all those advantages, it seems short-sighted, juvenile, even petty to let one man be the reason why I'm not coming back. And I do have other reasons to leave. I should get serious about either finding a full-time job or going back to school, and if I'm going to use my broadcast journalism degree, now's sure would be a good time to use it. Honestly, if The Asshole weren't there, I'd jump back in, gladly. But he probably is, so I'm out.
This is where being a temp is a good thing. There are many downsides, financial security being one of them. That's partly why I'm thinking of moving on. But one of the upsides is that I am not tied down to any particular job because of the benefits or the track record I have built up working for the same company for years. I can walk away whenever I want, for whatever reason I want. If this were a full-time job, I guess I would have to suck up The Asshole for what he did to me. As a lowly temp (an image The Asshole probably had about me when he decided he could yell at me), however, I can stand by my principles, as bizarre as it probably will sound to my contact when I call him, and say that if I ever see that man again, if I ever have to be in the same fucking building as that man ever again, I will punch him the face. And that's why I'm not coming back.
I am not anticipating what the contact will think about this. Once again he appears to be really concerned with getting this project up and running. He wants me back; so does most everybody else. But not him, and I'm afraid I'm basing this decision on that. And my contact at the agency may not like that. I understand. I just hope that he knows that I've been good to him -- and that I've made money for the company he works for -- and I think I'd be a good asset for another company that doesn't have a screamin' prick with anger management issues. Give me that, and I'll work for minimum wage. I just can't go back.
It is very strange for me to do this. Normally my modus operandi is to take life as it comes, to float on like a Pisces. That brings me times of joy and peace, but it also lets opportunity pass me by and may allow things to fall apart. In that case, and in this period of my life, maybe it's better if I make things happen, if I close doors shut behind me instead of seeing which doors shut in front of me. Maybe if I had a different mood I would remain passive. Right now, and maybe spurred on by The Asshole, I think I am going to be proactive and start making changes.
And hopefully I'll stick to my guns and at least tell my contact how I feel. Wish me luck.
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