Goddammit, Is It Going To Snow Or Not?

I don't think I've seen as much self-pitying drama from meteorologists about forecasting something as I have in the past 24 hours or so regarding what could be a huge March blizzard.  And it's pissing me off.

There is a storm coming tomorrow.  It's supposed to start mid-morning, intensify through afternoon rush hour, and then taper off after dark.  How much, however, depends on where this storm will track.  And where this storm will track, apparently, still hasn't been quite figured out yet.

That has left the weathermen I've seen on TV and heard on the radio comfuzzled.  There should be more "agreement" on the "models," I guess they're saying.  But it hasn't come through yet.  It should by now, less than a day before it's supposed to hit.  But it's not, and I think they're about to commit suicide over it.

So am I.  Fuck, I don't like blizzards at any point of the year, but I think I speak for all Minnesotans when I say that, even with the relatively mild winter we had, it is past St. Patrick's Day, so I think we're done with this snow shit.  Never mind that we average more than ten inches in March -- we don't need it.  Add to it that, because the guy from Minnesota Public Radio Monday morning pooh-poohed initial pessimistic forecasts of the storm and thought it would miss the Twin Cities to the south completely, I decided to go ahead with my plans to buy the room donuts tomorrow morning.  It looks like all the "models" don't see the storm hitting for morning rush, so I'll be fine driving around the whole metro area regardless.  But it would still be nice to know what we'll be facing tomorrow -- a shovel perhaps?  Maybe trying to get the snowplow to work again?  Or is it just time for the umbrella?  Or nothing at all?

The computer that's acting like Minority Report seems to be the "European" model, the only holdover that consistently is saying that the storm will track to the south.  (All of the models, BTW, are saying that southern Minnesota, particularly the places alongside I-90, are going to take it in the shorts -- again.  The winter for those guys down there has been absolutely fucking awful.)  Many of the others think that the worst of the storm will hit us here instead, meaning that we're facing between half a foot and a whole foot of snow tomorrow.  My pessimistic ass made me believe that the European model would then get new information some time today or even tomorrow morning and it'll basically say, "Whoops!  Yep, you guys are right -- the Twin Cities is fucked."  But it didn't happen today.  In fact, the guy on Channel 9 tonight just said that the European is in fact doubling down on its prediction that we are getting no snow at all.

That would be great -- could you tell the other people to say the same thing?  They're not.  Those meteorologists are saying that the Twin Cities will be on the northern edge of the storm, and that there will be a sharp cutoff right through the heart of the area.  The southern suburbs, they say, will get hit hard, while the northern suburbs might not get any snow at all.  A difference of four, five, even six inches going from north to south.

OK, couple things.  They all give the caveat that this "cutoff line" might wiggle north or south.  Knowing my bad luck, it'll wiggle north and, like that fucking snowstorm we had for Groundhog's Day, it'll be even worse than the late models said it would be.  (By the way, we didn't get six inches then; we got about 9 1/2 because the storm tugged even further north.  I thought this was supposed to be an El Niño winter!!!)  The other thing is, what do they mean by "northern suburbs" and "southern suburbs?"  I live smack dab in the middle, so I usually just average out the forecast that the metro area is supposed to get.  But I work, right now, in the western suburbs, but not past the loop.  Is that, then, really the "western suburbs?"  And when they mean "southern suburbs," do they mean, like, Bloomington, where the Mall of America and the airport are?  Or do they mean Woodbury, or Lakeville, or Hastings, or hell, Albert Lea?  I don't know what south means, because I kind of want to know at what city in this storm do all the weatherpeople believe it's going be bad.  From there I'll just extrapolate and guess how many inches we're going to get here.

Man, I am driving my new car, and I kind of forgot that snow could still fall, heavily at times, in March, thus hastening the rust.  But goddammit, it's going to get irrevocably damaged.

(Late word from Channel 11 that the metro will get accumulating snow and that it won't start until the evening.  Well, will I need to shovel?  Will I be able to shovel before going to bed tomorrow night?)