First of all, in my blood-soaked rant about the bastard Play-In Games I forgot to give you my solution. I think it's obvious, but if it isn't, I'll tell you right now: Lop off the last four at-large invites (the ones playing these "First Four" games) and go back to 64 teams. The way it was until 2000, when the NCAA froze the number of at-large bids at 34 or something, and since another conference was awarded an automatic bid ushered in a single play-in game between the two worst auto-bid teams, was, like I said, perfect Zen harmony. No one has this arbitrary extra hoop they need to go through that might be a disadvantage or an advantage, and we can all agree that the Big Dance begins at a quarter past noon Eastern time on Thursday afternoon, where it's been for as long as I've known it -- and where it should always be. I'm sorry, Wichita St. You are a darkhorse pick according to a lot of people. I might advance you a few rounds myself. But if I had my way, you guys wouldn't even get a sniff. Your team wouldn't be good enough even for Dayton. You would be one of the top contenders to win the NIT. And that is how it should be.
OK, now onto my next gripe about how #MarchMadness has, to me, turned into #MarchSadness, and this is where it starts to get a little complicated, where my complaints manifest themselves in more than one way, and where my gripes fall less under the auspices of the NCAA as it does with the broadcasting side of things, so bear with me as I get even more tongue-tied with this fiasco.
I know that with the possible exception of ESPN's College GameDay, TNT's Inside The NBA may be the best sports studio show in the land. And the chemistry of Ernie Johnson, Kenny "The Jet" Smith and Charles Barkley remains precious, if not unprecedented, in TV sport. But does that mean that they have any credibility -- in fact any right -- to be talking about college basketball?
Well, somebody higher up in CBS/Turner thinks so, because as soon as this historic partnership was announced, that entire studio talent was going to analyze March Madness. And only March Madness. Remember that they're still covering the NBA. They'll just saunter over to the college side as soon as it gets good (which is as soon as the field is announced) and begin to drop knowledge on us that obviously translates over to college hoops.
What still infuriates me about this mouth-breather carpetbagging is that people loved and still love this move. There are fans of Inside The NBA, as well as many sportswriters, who thought this was a stroke of genius. Instead, we get Barkley struggling to name two players on a team, and studio segments where it's all just E.J. and The Jet busting Sir Charles's balls over being stupid, oftentimes topped off with a Photoshop of Barkley in, like, a baby onesie and a binky.
Look, I don't have cable, so I have seen their show, oh, maybe a dozen times, total. If people say they have great chemistry laced with powerful insight about the NBA, I'll trust them. But don't tell me all those (for lack of a better word) HOTT TAKEZZZ!!!! can simply be cut out and placed into coverage of the most important part of the college basketball season seamlessly and without any transplant complications. It's painfully obvious that Smith and Barkley in particular don't know the goings-on of most if not all of the tournament teams, yet detailed and authoritarian analysis of how players have been playing throughout the season kind of helps back up what you say in your studio show. This inexperience -- or refusal to bone up on what's really going on in College Basketball Nation -- is an embarrassing hindrance to the coverage of the tournament.
But they're not the only ones. According to Wikipedia, there will be not one, not two, but three studio hosts for these three weeks. That actually has been the case since this shit contract began; Greg Gumbel will continue to host from the CBS side while Matt Winer will again mosey on over from NBA TV for a third (and completely worthless) studio show. They are joined by Barkley, Smith, and six other analysts spread out over these three studio shows. But for my money, give me Seth Davis, Clark Kellogg and Doug Gottlieb sitting alongside Gumble; they have all been at the CBS studio most if not all weeks following the big teams very closely. Those guys have actually put in the work. And those men, and only those men, have the right to talk about the teams at this all-important juncture in a studio show.
Why? Why in the hell do you need all these people breaking down the teams and games further and further? Well, it's obvious why. Turner Sports needs to justify the coin they shelled out for their portion of the tournament, and so they are going to shoehorn their people into CBS's territory even though CBS is the one that has been carrying games every year. Remember that neither TBS or TNT or truTV carry any college b-ball games until the tournament starts. I cannot respect any TV organization that they can just waltz in and broadcast the postseason games of a sport when they don't even bother broadcasting any of its regular season games.
But they are. And starting this year, the title game will be on TBS, too. Think of the NFL. You're watching on ESPN, CBS, Fox and NBC, and then you have to go to, like, Gol TV to watch the Super Bowl. That is what we have to do watch this year's championship game. Fucking ridiculous. It was just fine when the title game -- fuck! All games! -- were on CBS. But now it's a mess, and now I have to put up with a dozen talking heads screaming at each other when they're not joshing each other. And to some of these talking heads I'm going, "Who the hell are you and where the hell did you come from?" Another indication of unnecessary bloat.
Put Johnson and Smith and Barkley back on the NBA where they belong, for crisssake. Dance with the one who brung you, is all I'm saying.
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