Mother has been home for more than a month now. I always thought that my parents were inseparable. They went to The Store together, and they went home together. When they started to enjoy life, they took vacations together. And now they are retired and travelling the world together. So, when they were done wintering in Vegas, I assumed they were coming home together, like they did last year, like they did whenever they had trips out to Las Vegas. But she surprised me when she said Father was staying in Vegas, at least for a while.
It's been a month now, and I have to say that living with Mother alone is a hell of a lot different than living with both parents again, or what I imagine living with Father alone must be like. On the whole I think I have lost more than I gained. I can't strew my clothes about just anywhere with her here. I also can't sleep in my sister's bed, nor can I masturbate everywhere around the house.
But it hasn't been all bad. For one thing -- the obvious thing -- I get to have a more-than-decent meal cooked by Mother every night. Not only is it damn nourishing, it is also free. But more than that, the constant nagging I thought was shared by both parental units has largely been kept to a minimum. Mother still gets to arguing on some things; for example, just after dinner last (Wednesday) night she told me the bag of leaves were supposed to go in the trash and not the recycling bin when we both know that that bag should be sent to the compost site. But there has been little talk of the bullshit that has permanently struck a wedge between me and My Fucking Father: No cleaning up my room, no when are you going to go back to school, no when are you going to find a girlfriend, no why don't you set up a schedule.
It appears, then, that the condescension and the bitter fusillades against me and where my life has been and where it's going is confined to Daddy. I think Mother wants me to get on with my life too, but I think that she has not been nagging on me ever since she got home because 1) she knows how it affects me; 2) she sees how I react with My Fucking Father gets on me on one of those things; and 3) she might not care. All she has been is ... there. And you know, that actually is kind of nice. Funny to remember her growing up as the mean parent. Now, I think how she is treating me as unconditional love, which is something I've never had before.
Alas, I think it's about to end soon. Really I've been holding my breath ever since I realized that living with just Mother was going to be OK, because I knew that that "dream" was going to end. It hasn't happened for a month, but I suspect that's because the weather here has been fairly cold and dodgy, and he was just sick of that shit. But as of yesterday (Wednesday) it has really warmed up and it appears as though the days of nights below freezing are finally behind us. That means the weather here is warm enough for him to come back. And that means that all the nagging and lecturing and fucking questions will come back too. Oh, and I'll have to mind what I throw on the floor of my bedroom, also. Fucking Christ.
Oh, one other thing: Mother last (Wednesday) night teased me about showering before or after I do the laundry: "You can't be wondering if and when you shower once your father gets home!" First of all, I don't give a flying fuck what he thinks about me showering or not showering, and he can squawk about that as much as he wants. But the main issue I have with her "wait until your father gets home!" threat is that Mother, after being such an imperious figure in my life to the point she ruined me for all other women, showed once again that ultimately she will enslave herself to the patriarchy and defer all potential "punishments" to the motherfucking man of the household. If I knew before, oh, I left for college that she really was nothing but a coward at heart, I wouldn't have been so afraid of her. Saying that, I really hate that she said that. I mean, fuck Father.
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