The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher women's gymnastics (BRAND NEW!!!).  OK, bear with me on this because I have never done this before and I probably will never do it again.  Since I went to my first-ever gymnastics meet, an NCAA tournament regional at the Sports Pavilion at the University of Minnesota, I am compelled to at least document one time a gymnast who may be the greatest in the history of the program, Lindsay Mable.

I have been told that she has been great, and I saw a lot of that greatest in the regional, even though she fell on her ass during the floor exercise.  Nevertheless she is the leader of a burgeoning group, ran the table in the Big Ten and helped the Gophers get back into the NCAAs for the first time in three years.  But what was announced yesterday (Thursday) trumps all of that.  Mable, a Senior, was named the winner of the AAI Award, considered the Heisman Trophy for gymnasts.  And it's the first time ever that a Golden Gopher has won the award.  Never knew such an trophy existed until now, but congratulations to her.  Oh, and the Aurora, Colo. native is pretty cute, too!

#-0: Gopher baseball (Last Week: 0).  I had to put this Mable news on top of the survey, but no one should overlook the sneaky good weekend the baseball club had.  They swept a doubleheader against impending bubble team Michigan in Ann Arbor, then beat South Dakota St. at home.  They have now won five games in a row, although two that were scheduled were not played (Sunday's game was shelved due to low temperatures [it was the same reason Satruday's game was pushed up into Friday, thus the double-dip], and I forgot to mention that a midweek game the week prior against North Dakota St. was cancelled because of "unfavorable conditions."  Senior Dalton Sawyer was named B1G Pitcher Of The Week for striking out ten Wolverines while allowing just two hits over six innings in Friday's second game.

It looks as though things are looking up for the U., which hosts a three-game series against Maryland this weekend.  This will be followed up by a game Tuesday against ... North Dakota St., the team they were slated to play more than a week ago.  I don't know if this was re-scheduled or scheduled all along.  College baseball skeds are weird.

#-1: Gopher softball (Last Week: -1).  A bit of a speedbump for the underhanded hurler squad.  Despite sweeping three from Illinois at Cowles Stadium over the weekend (including a 13-0, five-inning mercy-rule triumph in Saturday's first game of a doubleheader), they got swept at home in a doubleheader by Wisconsin Tuesday.  I don't know if the Badgers are a juggernaut, but getting swept at home to any team will certainly drop the Goofers from the polls.  And now this weekend they have three at Rutgers.  Will the struggles continue?

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -2).  If there is a team that is looking as bad as this team at the worst possible time, the Mild, looking like they're in their Hyde phase, is it.  They dogged it in the regular season finale against The Bastard Atlanta Flames, which may be because longtime Goaltender Nicklas Backstrom was in goal for visiting Calgary, and he got the First Star and a rousing ovation from Mild fans because of his impending retirement after an honorable career.

That set up a first-round matchup with the team with the best record in the Western Conference, The Team That Was Stolen From Us.  This a lose-lose situation.  I fear my most violent urges shooting out of me if I ever see a jersey from that fucking team around town.  I really don't know if I can control myself.  I could just throw one of those fucking assholes over the stairs or something.  Then again, if I do control myself I think I would be ashamed of not being assertive and going through on my feelings ... which are to become very violent to these opposing fans.

Well, I don't know how much time I have to decide whether or not meeting up with The Bastard North Stars is a good thing or a bad thing.  Last (Thursday) night they beat the shit out of Minnesota, 4-0 in Game 1.  Didn't help that Zach Parise and Tomas Vanek didn't even make the trip there, and so the organization likely will be at a disadvantage for Game 2.  Erik Haula also didn't play in Game 1, and I have no idea if he'll be ready for the next one.

Well, they're still a bunch of goddamn hockey thieves anyway.

#-3: Twins (Last Week: -3).  OK, this is fucking ridiculous.  Got swept twice this screening week, first in Kansas City, then to open up Target Field to the White Sox.  That's 0-9, the worst start in Minnesota Twins history.

At work yesterday (Thursday) afternoon the guy next to me told me that the Twinks were losing as we spoke (they lost to Chicago 3-1).  But he told me that pitching wasn't the problem, and it hasn't been: Besides a 7-0 dick-smack against the Royals Saturday, the squad gave up 4, 4, 4, 3 and 3 runs this screening week.  It's the lack of hitting, especially with runners in scoring position, that has hurt the team so far.  And Byung Ho Park, at least according to my friend, has sucked.

Well, now that I know what is currently ailing the team, believe it or not, I'm not that worried.  Going into the year it was not the hitting that people were worried about.  And as long as the pitching remains decent-to-good, I would think the law of averages will finally mean more hitting, more hitting when people are on base, and Park finally to hit more.  OK, the last one holds less water theoretically.  But I their good season last year cannot be a fluke, especially if the lineup, which was the main reason why they turned it around in 2015, remains the same this year.  So I won't reach for the Pepto-Bismol just yet.

They host Anaheim over the weekend, then have a four-game split series against Milwaukee -- here for two first, then there for two.

#-Infinity: Timberwolves (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  This may be the most positive end-of-season blurb I have done for any team in the history of the WMNSS.  They finished the regular season with a 2-1 screening week, nipping the Trail Blazers in Portland, getting crushed by Houston (which did get into the playoffs with the help of Utah losing to the Lakers behind Kobe Bryant's 60 points in his last-ever game; man, if you can still drop 60, why leave?), then finally routing The Bastard Charlotte Hornets, a team that packed it in weeks ago, by 35 points.

Yeah, those wins may have been gimmes.  But it still says something that veteran teams with little to play for give way for young, hungry teams that seem to have finally gotten it and are beginning to gel.  This is a very exciting time to observe this team.  Behind Karl-Anthony Towns, Andrew Wiggins, Zach LaVine, Ricky Rubio and a bunch of youthful complementary pieces, the future is looking extremely bright.  Better days, and better teams, are surely ahead.

Unfortunately for Interim Head Coach Sam Mitchell and General Manager Milt Newton, those days and teams go ahead without them.  The day before Wednesday's finale against New Orleans, word got out that the Timberpuppies have hired a search firm to go looking for a new Head Coach.  I thought only college athletic directors need to hire a search firm.  Learn something new every day.  I also learned that even though we assume that the man currently running the team will be taken under consideration for the full-time job, when someone leaks the news that a coaching search firm has been hired, the person serving as Head Coach on an interim basis indeed will not be given consideration for said job.

And I am actually kind of torn.  Mitchell criticized this young club for a long time, so it appeared as though there was much friction between coach and team.  But yet they had a very decent finishing kick to the season.  I can only endorse his firing under "advanced metrics" thinking -- that is, that you're taking the hunch that the company man has only so much basketball intellect, and now that the team has demonstrated it can play together (and play well together), you need to find an even better Head Coach to take this team to the next level.  Because Minnesota is now an extremely attractive job (whodathunkit?  Not too long ago many writers were convinced no one would want to coach at Minnesota just because it's Minnesota.  Knew that was bullshit), there seems to be three pretty good names that could replace Mitchell: Former Chicago Bulls HC Tom Thibodeau, Ex-Bastard Seattle SuperSonics HC Scott Brooks (who, you may remember, actually played for the T-Wolves), and current Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies HC Dave Joerger.  Thibodeau's my pick; he can supply the defense that this team currently lacks.  But the person selected to take control of this team has so many delightful weapons to play with.  It's an owner's market now.

I have a little more skepticism about firing Newton.  He wasn't on the job for long, and Flip Saunders appeared to be the one who made all the draft picks and free agent signings.  Then again, a three-year-old could have selected Towns with the #1 draft pick.  Newton didn't show any boneheaded moves nor did he make any masterful ones -- because he didn't have the time to.  (shrug)  Don't know who they'll turn to on the front office front.

Nevertheless, the dark days of this organization are clearly behind them.  In fact, of The Four Sports in the Twin Cities, the best -- not the most promising, but the best -- team may in fact be this one.  I'm not shitting you.