The commute was one thing I knew was going to be bad, and it has been all that and more. Yesterday, coming home from work, I was shunted to cutting through downtown, where I was going to get back onto the highway I needed to get to, but the street I needed to use was closed for some goddamn reason, and then once I got closer to home traffic that usually isn't there was suddenly there because of some fucking accident. I have been getting home in 50 minutes on the best day. Yesterday it took me 80.
I said that if you asked me if I regret my decision to quit the old test scoring job for the new one I would say it would depend on when you asked me. If you asked me while I'm driving home, or as I type this right now, it would be yes. But the time I'm thinking that I made a big mistake in jumping ship is spreading beyond times like my afternoon commute.
I can't quite put my finger on some things. The vibe of the room, especially this week, has taken a turn for the worse. The leader of the room seems to be kind of a bitch, although I have talked to her in the past and I know she is a decent person. This week there are new people, and that blindsided the shit out of me because I left my old job partly because of that same reason. I need to talk about that, maybe for next time.
What really got me, though, was what happened yesterday afternoon. I get up out of my seat a lot, to get coffee or use the bathroom. I'm restless that way, and I feel like I need a brain break in order to be able to concentrate on my work. After I did that, my immediate supervisor chased me just as I left the room and told me I couldn't do that anymore. I'm not quite sure what the reason behind it was, but apparently the room has been "hearing complaints" about people from our room loitering in the hallway, or at least they are afraid of ginning up a perception of people from our room loitering in the hallway.
I don't know why in the hell she singled me out. I get up a lot, but I am prompt in coming back, always, and I have never loitered in the hallway or the break room or anywhere else. (I was planning on reading the paper for a few minutes on my way out the door, but don't tell her.) She seemed pretty apologetic about stopping me, and I have been on the other end of this and had to tell other people to stop loitering. But she told this to me, and I feel like I have been accused of something I didn't do.
But, I apologized and insisted that all I was doing is going to the bathroom and back, which I did. But now what? Am I not able to leave, not even to pee or get water? I think my work speaks for itself, but apparently I have been perceived as a "loiterer" who cannot be trusted. Well, then, I'm a lawbreaker too, because if I need to get up for coffee or to relieve myself, I'm doing it.
I now see a stark contrast between the two test scoring places. The old place angered me because of one move that reflected how lax they are in their profession and with the treatment of their employees. This new place has issued a series of things reflected how unyielding they are in their profession and with the treatment of their employees. Call me Goldilocks, but I want a place that's just right. So right now, I want to run away from this situation like I did when I was stuck in the middle of the previous situation.
Shit, stuck ... I'll be stuck in traffic until this motherfucking project is over.
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