#0: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2). Well, well, well, look who is at the top of this Week's Weekly Minnesota Sport Survey -- and legitimately so, for actually winning and not some weird off-court stuff? With a home-and-home sweep (and a 3-0 season sweep) of The Bastard New Orleans Jazz followed by victories over Houston and Golden State, the Timberwolves are riding their first four-Game winning streak (though I should note that they hadn't even won more than two Games before this Week).
Yes, it's useless and maybe even more infuriating to finally beginning to play well so soon after being officially eliminated from the playoffs. After all, they have to give their First Round draft pick to Golden State if it falls fourth or below (more of my thoughts on that another time). But with the end of the season in sight, there are a lot of other teams that actually came into this season harboring postseason dreams that have seen them get crushed, and they may be mailing it in more than the Wolves are. Plus, it is refreshing to finally see this goddamned team play well together. Finally, in very, very recent history, there have been at least a few days where several Twin Cities teams all played and all lost ... save for the Timberwolves. You don't see the T-Wolves save local sports fans from existential misery that often. So no, they're record proves they're still a bad club, but let's throw this dog a bone and give them both the top spot and and a non-negative number.
It's a very light screening Week. They finish a three-Game homestand with contests vs. New Orleans and Memphis.
The Wild finish off the final homestand of the year, with a third and final matchup with the Blues, followed by a pair with the Golden Knights and the first of two tilts vs. Anaheim.
#-2: Vikings (Re-Entry!). A quick recognition for the Vikings after the First Round of the NFL Draft last/Thursday night. And this may have been the moment Vikes General Manager made Skol Nation notice that he has earned the name "Slick Rick."
More than a few writers predicted the Purple would pick USC Offensive Lineman Alijah Vera-Tucker with the 14th pick. But, as he often does, Spielman traded down, giving that 14th pick to the Jets, who in turn selected Vera-Tucker. He got two Third-Round picks for that move, thereby making Vikes fans livid that once again Spielman is trying to trade down in order to grab every single selection in, like, the Sixth Round.
However, with the 23rd pick, the Vikings drafted Christian Darrishaw, an Offensive Tackle out of Virginia Tech. I would say most fans now know who both Rookies are. It seems as though Vera-Tucker is better than Darrisaw, the gap between them is not big at all. Therefore, sliding down from 14th to 23rd, picking up two Third-Rounders in this Year's draft, and getting a guy who might be a mere step below from the person you could have had nine spots earlier? That's a win, at least at the drafting board, and even his haters have to begrudgingly accept that Spielman generated incredible value last night. Now, whether Darrisaw can play -- well, that's a worry for another Day.
#-3: Gopher softball (Last Week: -1). Took three-of-four at Cowles against Iowa. The only bracketology for college softball I'm aware of comes courtesy of Hayden King of College Sports Madness; the projection, which I think is from the 19th, places Minnesota not as a host but traveling to a Regional hosted by Washington.
Some big shit came down on Tuesday. The Gophers' upcoming series at Wisconsin has been postponed because COVID-19 is ripping through the Badger program. Assuming there aren't Herculean efforts to reschedule either this series or plan any Games with other opponents, this ballclub next plays against Michigan the following weekend at home.
#-4: Twins (Last Week: -5). Is it time to panic? The Week was bookended with wins over Pittsburgh and Cleveland, but they looked as fat- and anxiety-inducing as the middle of an Oreo for those defeats inbetween. The only thing consistent right now is underachievement from all departments -- defense, offense, bullpen, and now Starting Pitching has gone to shit.
The only saving grace I have that prevents me from completely burying this ballclub is the fact that a few players are on the Injured List and that baseball seasons are marathons, not springs. I can believe that a team with so much talent on paper may only be going through rough patches because their best players are hurt. Once they come back, they and the team should play as well as they are projected to play. And so there's plenty of time to turn this thing around. But goddamn, they look horrible right now.
This Week the Twinks have a homestand that comprises the whole of the screening Week, no more and no less! Three with Kansas City (and with the Royals off to a good start, some are touting this as an important series for the Twins, even though this is occurring in early May) followed by four with The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0.
#-5: United FC (Last Week: -3). I don't think things are going to plan. They opened up Allianz Field to fans for the first time in over a calendar Year Saturday night but lost to Real Salt Lake to start the season 0-2. After the Match, RSL Goalkeeper David Ochoa booted the soccer ball into the stands of the Wonderwall. There apparently is an unwritten rule in soccer where you don't do that, so many Loons came out to confront Ochoa, most notably Left Fullback Chase Gasper, whose fuck-up resulted in Salt Lake City's first Goal (and who may have done something similar for RSL's second). I don't know much about that. I do know that a lot of frustration could be eased if you actually win. By the way, Major League Soccer announced early Thursday afternoon that Ochoa has been fined for that kick, and both Gasper and Hassani Dotson have been fined for trying to get all up in Ochoa's face.
MNUFC might have a chance to get into the Win column Saturday evening as they face the newest club in Major League Soccer, Austin FC. This is a Game I would have wanted to go to for the novelty of seeing a brand-new team for the first time. However, the pandemic made me let the opportunity pass me by. Also, I'm getting my second shot in the afternoon, so I have no idea if I would be in any shape to watch a football Match in person that evening.
#-6: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -4). OK, the depths of self-degradation to which this fucked-up squad are falling to is becoming impossible to ignore. They got swept in Indiana over the weekend. Their losing streak currently stands at ten. They are 4-23 on the season. And you cannot categorize any of the three defeats these Goofers suffered as close. The last Game of the series, played Sunday (and two Days after the first two Games of the series, since for some weird damn reason there was a Doubleheader on Friday and a Day off on Saturday), was a loss by a score of, get this, 23-1. The Hoosiers scored five Runs in the First Inning, eight in the Second, five in the Sixth and five in the Seventh. Starting Pitcher Trent Schoberl (who goddamn right took the Loss) allowed three Earned Runs and only recorded two Outs before getting pulled. Indiana Left Fielder and leadoff hitter Drew Ashley went up to bat twice in the First Inning ... and got hit both times. My gawd.
Patrick Reusse of the Star Tribune offered up an explanation for this team's historic meltdown in a piece for the Star Tribune. Because of the pandemic, the Big Ten Conference has relaxed rules this season when it comes to roster size and player participation. But Golden Goofer Manager John Anderson could not take advantage of them because of rules by on high. Recruiting players through the transfer portal and trying to entice them with slivers of scholarships cost money, and the U. doesn't have that money because, well, pandemic. (For more evidence to this excuse see the hiring of Ben Johnson, who has never been a Head Coach at any school at any level but has been given the keys to the BcS school in his hometown.) Or, instead of hurting for money, the university is worried about the perception of spending money in a pandemic, especially when the athletic department intends to shut down three men's programs once the school Year is over. The result is a smaller, hollowed-out roster that has to go out and play schools that have bloated themselves with decent players searching from some playing time. Reusse surmises that this is the result.
Who knows if it's true, or even tells a large part of the story. This club still has a season to finish. They're in Maryland for three. Don't look if you want to see competent ball playing. Or look if you gawk at car crashes.
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