Monday, July 24, 2023

The Week Where I Get My Manhood Fuckin' Taken From Me

So I sent that e-mail to my boss, right?  Well, my boss replied to me as soon as he got in that Thursday morning and I read the goddamn thing as soon as I got in an hour later than he got in.  You know what he said?  "Good -- I'm gonna put you on a plan!"  And he wrote down a list of benchmarks of decreasing amounts of overtime starting this week.  Fuck.

He has never done something like this, specifically write up a plan to fix something that he says I do wrong.  This is very micro-managing of him, and the fact that he is micro-managing me now really upsets me.  More than that, I feel as attacked -- no, more so -- now with this "plan" than I did with his initial e-mail dressing me down for just doing my work.  Because I am doing my work -- to the best of my ability, and yet as fast as I can do it while paying attention to detail and trying not to screw it up.  It's impossible on most days not to go over eight hours.  I don't know how the other two do it, but if they are finishing within eight hours, they may not (and again, I mean no disrespect) do it as well as I do.  I take pride in my work, and that takes time.  Never more time than need be, but many times it takes more than a typical day.  And my boss is attacking me for it, and thinking it all can be done in a way that doesn't force the company to pay me OT for my honest work.

I think, deep down, what I hate most about this stems from the first step in implementing this "plan": My supervisor is supposed to talk to me about what I can do to shorten my day.  She is the one who taught me everything I know in The Fourth Department, and I still go to her when I have questions I can't answer, which on some days is more than once.  I think I follow what she has taught me.  Anything else is a matter of style and does not, in any way, lengthen my time at work.  So what else can she teach me?  And is there really anything I have forgotten that she needs to re-train me in?  At the risk of sounding arrogant, I say no.  But she is still, at the direction of her/our boss, going to nitpick over my approach and routine and style, and that pisses me off the most.  As long as the work gets done, I don't think anyone has the right to leer over my shoulder and criticize me for how I do it.  And anything she does call me out on I think will really upset me.  It's a "back off, leave me alone" type of deal.  I hope I don't lash out at her, but I think that's going to happen, and now I have to watch my temper at someone who is also just doing her job over something over which I already feel very defensive.

So I will have to deal with that bullshit.  In the meantime, my boss tossed out the possibility that there just may be work that I don't have to do at the end of the day.  I find it irresponsible to just leave work because I'm approaching eight hours.  The information needs to be asked for, and once it's given, it needs to be sent to the lab, posthaste.  There are clients who want to know what's going on, and that's money.  I'm making sure they're happy.  I'm doing my job.  Leaving it for the next day will not make those clients happy.  Moreover, knowing the pile of work that comes in every day, work that carries over from the previous day pushes the work that comes in the morning to the afternoon, and the work that comes in the afternoon gets pushed to the next day.  Again, if this is not a problem with the other two, well ... maybe they're better at this shit than I am.  Maybe I need to find another line of work.  Because fuck knows why I need to be subjected to this humiliation I'm about to walk into.

God, I fucking hate this job.

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