Sunday, July 9, 2023

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Lynx (Last Week: -1).  Gotta be honest with you, I'm not in a good place right now.  I'm actually kinda pissed off, actually.  Last/Saturday night was a #MinnesotaIsLoservilleUSA day, and I was at The Nest to witness the Looooooooons shit the bed and complete the Twin Cities loser trifecta.  Every fucking team in this fucking town fucking sucks.  Don't ever be a sports fan.  You'll lose years off your life if you do.

Against that backdrop, it's the Minnesota Lynx that once again redeems all the other pitiful teams playing this time of year.  (And thankfully, they didn't play yesterday/Saturday.)  Don't look now, but this club has won five in a row after avenging in earlier home Loss to Indiana on Wednesday and defeating Phoenix Friday, both at Target Center.  Sure, their five-Game winning streak has come against squads currently in the draft lotto: Said victory over the Fever, two Wins over the Mercury, and two over Seattle.  But hey, they don't control the records of the opponents they meet.

I think they would be the seventh-Seed and thus face New York in the First Round of the WNBA Playoffs.  That "superteam" hasn't put it all together yet, but they lead Connecticut by 1/2 Game, so they might be.  (By the way, the Lynx and Dallas are tied for second in the Western Conference, but they trail first-place Las Vegas by seven Games.)  At any rate, I can't see them winning that series, let alone the title, so I'm not exactly enthused about them righting the ship from an 0-6 start.  As I've said many times, it would be a lot better for them if they tank for the lottery.  Then again, if they start to lose, then every fucking team in this fucking town really is fucking losing, and then I would probably lose my mind.  And beyond that, the Chicago Sky are currently in eighth but recently lost their Head Coach, who skedaddled in the middle of the WNBA season to be an Assistant Coach with the Toronto Raptors, so the Lynx might be in the postseason anyway.

But this screening Week, the last one before the All-Star break, brings in two teams that are ensconced in the playoff picture: Said Aces tonight/Sunday night, said Wings Wednesday.  These two help Minnesota finish their four-Game homestand and the first half of the regular season.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -2).  Believe it or not, the Twins have not been more than 1/2 Game behind the leader of the AL Central all Year.  Good, because as of press time they are now in second place by that 1/2 Game behind Cleveland after having a 3-3 screening Week.  Failed to complete the sweep of the Orioles in Baltimore, swept the Kansas City Royals at Target Field across Independence Day (on Wednesday Pablo Lopez, called up yesterday/Saturday as a replacement for the All-Star Game, pitched a Complete Game Shutout, winning 5-0), but then dropped the first two Games of a three-Game series versus The Bastard St. Louis Browns, also at home).  They can't rely on the Guardians sucking when they do; they have done just enough to nose ahead of the Twinks for only the fourth time all season.

Yesterday/Saturday afternoon, Twins Pitcher Sonny Gray, who was called up to the ASG in the official announcement of reserves and Pitchers, got shook down for six Runs, all of them surrendered in the Second Inning.  Manager Rocco Baldelli let him stay, and he didn't yield another Run as he went six Innings.  Obviously the starting pitching has been the strength of this ballclub, not just subjectively but objectively.  For all of the faults I point out about it, the relief pitching, according to advanced stats, has also been a rock.  It's just the hitting that has failed them.  And I am afraid that the current output of this team is not going to last.  This is a long season, and I can definitely see the pitching regress violently to the mean in the second half of the season.  That doesn't bode well when it comes to fending off Cleveland.

They finish up the first half of the season this/Sunday afternoon.  While Gray and Lopez travel to Seattle for the All-Star Game, the rest will be taking a load off, I assume.  (Me, I have no fucking plans to watch that exhibition.  I think I'll either go to a show or take in a movie.)  They resume Friday for a three-Game set at Oakland vs. the soon-to-be-stolen Athletics.

#-3: United FC (Last Week: -3).  Right now is another of those times I want to beat myself over the head asking myself why in the hell do I have season tickets to this shitty club.  Off far and away their most impressive Win of the season, 4-1 over Portland at home last Saturday, they follow that up with possibly their most unforgivable Loss of the season, 4-1 by Austin at home last/Saturday night.  They looked really good in the First Half; they had chances, but they just couldn't finish them.  Then, late in that half, Austin struck twice.  It was pretty much over by that point, but once they got that third Goal in the 51st Minute (the second by Sebastian Driussi in the Match), that's when I devoted my attention to scrolling through my phone.  Missed their final Goal in the 95th, although Devin Padelford did get MNUFC on the board in the 85th.

Both Michael Boxall and, wouldn't you know it, Head Coach Adrian Heath were unavailable because both were suspended this Game for Yellow Card accumulation.  Would their presence have made a difference?  Believe it or not, I think so.

This ass-kicking at home is probably service as a cold splash of water to the face of the fanbase.  We're more than halfway through the season and United FC sit in 11th in the West.  Sure, they're only a Point behind Vancouver for the final spot, but this side has had numerous chances to climb up the standings and have been unable to do so.  And I don't know if new Striker signing Peemu Pukki is going to turn things around.  (Man, the hype around this guy is so huge -- the organization posted a video of state dignitaries such as Gov. Walz and Minneapolis Mayor Frey welcoming him to Minnesota -- that I am frightened he will fall on his face during his stay here.  He didn't look all that impressive coming on as a sub in the Second Half.  Just sayin'.)  They are the only team in the Western Conference to have reached the postseason five Years in a row.  That's in serious jeopardy right now.

Busy Week this Week: At Houston, scene of the only other contender for Shittiest Performance Of 2023 By Your Loons (a 4-0 beatdown that eliminated MNUFC from the U. S. Open Cup), Wednesday, then at home to play out-of-form LAFC Saturday.  I will not be at that Match because I agreed to go to the Nickel Creek concert that evening after buying a ticket from some guy I have never seen nor even spoken to online.  I should talk more about that leading up to the concert.

#-Infinity: Aurora FC (NEW SEA ... WELL, NOT REALLY LOL).  Maybe I shouldn't beat up on a semi-professional team.  But when you follow up a second straight perfect regular season with another upset Loss -- well, isn't Minnesota Aurora living up the "Minnesota" part of their name?  This was played on the road even though they have (of course) the better record.  I think, however, that the Vikings' practice field, which is the Aurora's home pitch, is reserved for some lacrosse showcase, so they couldn't host.  And besides, they hosted the WSL Championship last season and got beat.  So maybe there isn't a fucking difference where they play.  Maybe they're soft.  Maybe they're getting a (deserved) reputation for not coming through when it counts.  Maybe they're just a bunch of fucking show ponies who can roll up scores of 8-0 and 10-0 over feeble competition during regular season play, but then once the finish line comes over the horizon, they piss down their legs.

There is a small but passionate fanbase that tweeted thoughts that basically were, "That's OK.  We'll get 'em next time."  Bullshit.  Fucking bullshit.  A team supposedly so good they're bulldozing foes should still be getting it done in the postseason.  The fact that this fucking organization has failed to do it not once but now twice in a row is an indictment on the whole fucking organization.

I don't care if these players are semi-pros.  Fucking do something.  My fucking God, every fucking team in this fucking town fucking sucks.

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