#0: Vikings (Last Week: Positive Numbers). My analysis of the Vikings' 24-10 win over the Giants, a team whose number they have for some reason, is going to be half-ass. Monday was the first day at work, and my body was so unaccustomed to getting up for an actual reason, staying up for eight hours, and driving home for an hour that midway through the first quarter I just took off my glasses and conked off until midway through the fourth quarter, where I saw the above score.
This is football, so I don't know how long this formula will last, but for right now, it's winning and it looks solid. Sam Bradford (whispers) has the arm that Teddy Bridgewater doesn't have. Combined with his nice touch and field vision, he's doing the things he needs to do to matriculate the ball down the field through the air, and that's something the Adrian Peterson-led Vikings never did. Don't worry about the running game, though: Backups Matt Asiata and Jerrick McKinnon each scored a Touchdown, and the team racked up 100 yards on the ground for the first time this season.
And what about that defense? They bottled up Odell Beckham, Jr. and picked off Eli Manning once, giving him 15 passes intercepted by Minnesota in the eight games he's played against them. And by the way, Manning is 2-6 against the Vikings. Through the club's first four games they have conceded only 50 points, the fewest among the teams in the NFL who haven't yet had their bye.
At this point the only thing that could derail what they have is injuries, which will probably happen. Sunday they host Houston.
#-1: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0). There hasn't been such a dynamic screening week for a local team in the WMNSS as the U. v-ball corps had this week. Based on a pair of weekend sweeps at both Indiana schools (and that Nebraska lost), the University of Minnesota was named the #1 team in the country, according to AVCA. It was the first time they sat atop of the polls since late September of 2004.
That's great, right? And then they promptly lost their first game after being anointed #1. That isn't the worst thing in the world. They lost at Penn St., they lost in five sets, and oftentimes the #1 team in the country loses their first game after being given that ranking. But the Nittany Lions are suffering a down year and the Goofs coughed up the last two sets to go down in defeat. Therefore they certainly won't be #1 this time next week.
I didn't realize this till now; they are in the middle of a part of their schedule where they play seven-of-eight games on the road. Sunday afternoon comes the only home game in that stretch, against Northwestern. Wednesday they hit the road and face the team that could be replacing the U. as the top-ranked club in the country -- border rival Wisconsin.
#-2: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -1). They are in the middle of a three-game homestand, and even though they immolated Iowa 3-0, they suffered their first loss in conference play, 1-0 to Wisconsin in single Overtime.
Just checked the standings: They are currently tied for third behind Michigan and Penn St. I also noticed two indications that flatter this side: They have scored the most goals of any team in B1G play (12), and they have allowed the fewest in league play (2). Add in non-conference matches and they lead in Goals For (31) by a healthy margin.
But still, you know, they lost. And now they have slipped into the mid-teens, poll-wise.
I'm always surprised that the women's soccer season seems to end so soon. But they've always ended around Halloween. And after Sunday afternoon's home tilt against Nebraska, they play their final three road games back-to-back-to-back, starting with Thursday's visit to Michigan St.
#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -2). Welp, I said that Saturday's game against Penn St. was gut-check time. They checked their guts and they were found to have no guts. In a game that had three lead changes, the Nittany Lions responded to an Emmit Carpenter 46-yard Field Goal in Overtime with a Saquon Barkley 25-yard TD run on their first snap in OT to take the contest, 29-26. Their running game was strong; two Gophs, Rodney Smith (104) and Shannon Brooks (100) broke the century mark.
But still, you know, they lost. Hey, Les Miles is free!
This Saturday early afternoon they fight for Floyd of Rosedale against Iowa at TCF Bank.
#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: -Infinity). Congratulations to the Minnesota Twinks, who finish the 2016 season with not only the worst record in Major League Baseball but the worst record in Minnesota Twinks history, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (loud, thunderous applause)
What a clusterfuck this team is. Right now I wouldn't mind if Paul Molitor followed Terry Ryan out the door. I don't know what he could have done, but based on bad juju alone, I think they need to clean fucking house. But ownership said that the new General Manager or Director of Baseball Operations or whatever title this new person will be given has to generally manage with Mollie in the dugout.
By the way, who is this guy? Thirty-three-year-old Derek Falvey, who is given the positions of Chief Baseball Officer (CBO?) and Executive Vice-President. He has been with the Cleveland organization since 2007, but elevated up to Assistant GM only this year. Sure, Cleveland burst open this year and won the American League Central Division. But I really hoped for someone (someone, by the way, who is allegedly given all powers on the baseball side of the franchise and will stand alongside Dave St. Peter under the Pohlad org chart) who had several -- hell, a couple -- years of success as AGM. I also would've taken somebody from the Boston Red Sox or the Chicago Cubs, two squads that have been blessed by the magic touch of Theo Epstein. I'm willing to take a chance on a noob if he's studied under Epstein. But Falvey hasn't. Not impressed, I guess.
I'll give Falvey credit if he sticks with Molitor and then decides to jettison him as soon as the 2017 season is over. But would the problems leave with him? Based on this shit year, and compared with the 2015 year that I thought was finally a harbinger of good times ahead, where does Falvey begin to fix this club? The pitching is an abortion, and the hitting, save for Brian Dozier, was equally atrocious. But the most troubling thing about the Twinks is that they are in the middle of a deep youth movement. Ryan had cleared the decks, and he did stockpile the farm system. The fruits of that labor had begun to sprout last year, with Miguel Sano and Byron Buxton supposedly leading the way to The Next Twins Renaissance. Instead, to a man, each young Twink took a big step backward. So this raises a question: Is this year an aberration, or last year? God help all of us if the answer is the latter.
Fuck this team. Won't pay any attention to them till April.
Friday, October 7, 2016
Thursday, October 6, 2016
One thing I have yet to adjust to, and well, is waking up early in the morning. It's weird in a way, because I had been going to bed at 1:30, 2, 2:30 in the morning in the weeks before I had work, and when I got up around the 7 o'clock hour, I would be fine the rest of the day. Now, here, I'm really dragging. I mean, I felt like I was going to fall asleep today during the 11 o'clock hour.
There is a caveat to all this: I was able, most times, to sneak in a nap during my time in funemployment at a parking ramp. I'm not really able to this time, and when I can it's short because I only have a half-hour lunch break. Also, I was spending my day just dinkin' around and doing what I love. I like working, but this is work, so I'm not as enthusiastically engaged in what I'm doing instead of surfing on the Internet for hours at a time.
Should go to bed sooner so I don't feel like the walking dead during the day.
There is a caveat to all this: I was able, most times, to sneak in a nap during my time in funemployment at a parking ramp. I'm not really able to this time, and when I can it's short because I only have a half-hour lunch break. Also, I was spending my day just dinkin' around and doing what I love. I like working, but this is work, so I'm not as enthusiastically engaged in what I'm doing instead of surfing on the Internet for hours at a time.
Should go to bed sooner so I don't feel like the walking dead during the day.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Addendum To: This Is It
I had to research a place that would carry our alma mater's game, so I had to go out after coming back home for dinner. On my way I thought to go to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) to see if the host of the day party I went to on Friday found my keys. It was a long shot, but she was there dancing. Unfortunately, she didn't see any keys. She'll be on the lookout -- like the night host of the party I went to Friday. But my heart kind of sank.
And I still haven't heard from the rental car company about my request for lost keys. I sent another e-mail today, but not hearing from them makes me afraid that the keys they do have don't fit the description. And the 30-day period for claiming lost items comes tomorrow. I would much rather hear that the keys they do have in their possession definitely aren't mine.
At any rate my heart sank even further. Now I don't know what to do.
And I still haven't heard from the rental car company about my request for lost keys. I sent another e-mail today, but not hearing from them makes me afraid that the keys they do have don't fit the description. And the 30-day period for claiming lost items comes tomorrow. I would much rather hear that the keys they do have in their possession definitely aren't mine.
At any rate my heart sank even further. Now I don't know what to do.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
This Is It
Going back to the first set of keys I lost, yesterday (Monday) I finally got around to the two final places I have yet to go back to, just in case I left them there earlier this month.
The first place was the theater, where I went to the day after I dropped off the rental. I don't remember having it the next day, Tuesday, because I thought that, when I closed the door behind me, I realized I didn't have the key that I needed to lock the deadbolt. Or maybe I was wrong and I did have it, and so I might've lost it while going to a movie that day. Wanted to swing by this place a couple weeks ago, but I got there at 10:30 and for some reason they didn't even open because the first showings were at 11. I had somewhere else to go (don't remember it, but I did), so I split. Anyway, the manager there looked through the theater's lost-and-found drawer, and even though there were keys (including a car key -- I don't know about you, but I'd quit my damn job if I lost my car key ... even though I remember losing my car key at the mall closest to our house and I just spent an afternoon looking for it everywhere before giving up), none of them were mine.
So the final stop (barring me going back over to places I have already been to, like the gym I work out at) was going on the rental car company's website. I actually went back to the airport and marched into the rental car center's stand to see if they found anything. In fact, because there was no one there to help me and when no one was looking, I actually saw the minivan we rented for the road trip, went inside and spent a minute looking everywhere for my key. Wasn't there; probably wouldn't be in there after two weeks.
Anyway, I then went inside the center itself, the place where you have to sign out the car, and spoke to the guy there. They don't have a lost-and-found drawer, which kind of surprised me and then, after some more thinking, kind of didn't. What they do is deliver all found items to a central clearinghouse in St. Paul which they share with another rental car company.
I was directed to call the 1-800 I was not eager to call, but I had to, even though I waited till I was in St. Louis to do it. The guy on the line then directed me to the "Lost And Found" link on their website, and now it seemed a lot more formal than it had to.
I didn't get around to going back online until yesterday (Monday), but you know what? This is a little more elaborate than I anticipated, and that's not a bad thing. They compile a list of items that have been collected from rented vehicles. Three of those items were keys. They describe the item and what day it was discovered. There is then a form you click on to fill out a description of what item you lost, the date you think you lost it, and your rental agreement number. If they find it, they'll call you.
There is absolutely no reason for me to put any stock into thinking that they have my keys. But I've got to tell you, seeing this well-organized list and having the means to formally declare a lost item makes me feel good. I feel like I'm finally empowered, that I'm doing something proactive and productive that'll help me find my long-lost keys. And now that I feel that way, I wonder why in the hell I didn't do it sooner.
But at least I did it now, because also on this list is a "Claim By" date. If I had waited until after 30 days after the discovery of the item in the car -- if I had waited until, say, later this week -- it would have been removed from the list and then I don't know where it would be. I made it just in time.
A chance. A chance is all I have, but right now, a chance feels like it's all I need.
The first place was the theater, where I went to the day after I dropped off the rental. I don't remember having it the next day, Tuesday, because I thought that, when I closed the door behind me, I realized I didn't have the key that I needed to lock the deadbolt. Or maybe I was wrong and I did have it, and so I might've lost it while going to a movie that day. Wanted to swing by this place a couple weeks ago, but I got there at 10:30 and for some reason they didn't even open because the first showings were at 11. I had somewhere else to go (don't remember it, but I did), so I split. Anyway, the manager there looked through the theater's lost-and-found drawer, and even though there were keys (including a car key -- I don't know about you, but I'd quit my damn job if I lost my car key ... even though I remember losing my car key at the mall closest to our house and I just spent an afternoon looking for it everywhere before giving up), none of them were mine.
So the final stop (barring me going back over to places I have already been to, like the gym I work out at) was going on the rental car company's website. I actually went back to the airport and marched into the rental car center's stand to see if they found anything. In fact, because there was no one there to help me and when no one was looking, I actually saw the minivan we rented for the road trip, went inside and spent a minute looking everywhere for my key. Wasn't there; probably wouldn't be in there after two weeks.
Anyway, I then went inside the center itself, the place where you have to sign out the car, and spoke to the guy there. They don't have a lost-and-found drawer, which kind of surprised me and then, after some more thinking, kind of didn't. What they do is deliver all found items to a central clearinghouse in St. Paul which they share with another rental car company.
I was directed to call the 1-800 I was not eager to call, but I had to, even though I waited till I was in St. Louis to do it. The guy on the line then directed me to the "Lost And Found" link on their website, and now it seemed a lot more formal than it had to.
I didn't get around to going back online until yesterday (Monday), but you know what? This is a little more elaborate than I anticipated, and that's not a bad thing. They compile a list of items that have been collected from rented vehicles. Three of those items were keys. They describe the item and what day it was discovered. There is then a form you click on to fill out a description of what item you lost, the date you think you lost it, and your rental agreement number. If they find it, they'll call you.
There is absolutely no reason for me to put any stock into thinking that they have my keys. But I've got to tell you, seeing this well-organized list and having the means to formally declare a lost item makes me feel good. I feel like I'm finally empowered, that I'm doing something proactive and productive that'll help me find my long-lost keys. And now that I feel that way, I wonder why in the hell I didn't do it sooner.
But at least I did it now, because also on this list is a "Claim By" date. If I had waited until after 30 days after the discovery of the item in the car -- if I had waited until, say, later this week -- it would have been removed from the list and then I don't know where it would be. I made it just in time.
A chance. A chance is all I have, but right now, a chance feels like it's all I need.
Monday, October 3, 2016
I Should Be More Worried About Work Tomorrow Than I Am
It may be because I'm still obsessed over where all these fucking keys are. But I think that since everything went almost perfectly smoothly there, and with everybody I was in contact with people that I liked and not just tolerated, in the back of my mind I figure that I can just slip in and start right where I left off.
That might not be the case. And maybe it shouldn't be the case. I have been lulled into a potentially false sense of security because the contacts at the temp agency got in touch with me about going back months ago. Maybe I think that with the lead time with which they told me I'd be back, I just figured that the skids back to the very cubicle I was working from have already been greased. But that may not be the case.
First of all, I was told by both my temp agency and the boss I will answer to at the company that they're going to give me some additional responsibilities. I look forward to it -- I think. Today, while walking around the grounds of the Ryder Cup, I thought the worst. What if they want me to ... gulp ... answer phone calls from customers? I told my temp agency no telemarketing and no customer service. Ever. If they want me to do that -- well, frankly, that's a red line, and I won't cross it. My God, I hope they won't make me do that shit.
And now I'm anxious about what will be new. Will I answer to different people? Will I be held to a higher standard than least season? Will I have the same desk as I did before? Will I even be on the same floor as I was before? Man, I was thinking that everything would be the same as before -- I would slip onto my desk, touch base with my higher-ups about what to do, then just hang out and do the things that need to be done only when someone comes by and says, "Hey, I need you guys to do this," and until then, I get to be on the Internet, and everybody's cool with that. But ever since I was told I had a shift -- a shift?! What the hell's that? -- I'm getting the impressions that the cozy, peaceful work situation I thought was manna from heaven wouldn't exist anymore.
I was really hoping that I would have four months of good-sized paychecks so I could pay my credit card statements and fix all the problems I'm having for losing not one but two sets of keys. But if I'm not coming back to the same job I left in February, I'm not sure I can stomach a different job that would give me that money. Will I have to walk away from this because it's changed from the job I fell in love with?
That might not be the case. And maybe it shouldn't be the case. I have been lulled into a potentially false sense of security because the contacts at the temp agency got in touch with me about going back months ago. Maybe I think that with the lead time with which they told me I'd be back, I just figured that the skids back to the very cubicle I was working from have already been greased. But that may not be the case.
First of all, I was told by both my temp agency and the boss I will answer to at the company that they're going to give me some additional responsibilities. I look forward to it -- I think. Today, while walking around the grounds of the Ryder Cup, I thought the worst. What if they want me to ... gulp ... answer phone calls from customers? I told my temp agency no telemarketing and no customer service. Ever. If they want me to do that -- well, frankly, that's a red line, and I won't cross it. My God, I hope they won't make me do that shit.
And now I'm anxious about what will be new. Will I answer to different people? Will I be held to a higher standard than least season? Will I have the same desk as I did before? Will I even be on the same floor as I was before? Man, I was thinking that everything would be the same as before -- I would slip onto my desk, touch base with my higher-ups about what to do, then just hang out and do the things that need to be done only when someone comes by and says, "Hey, I need you guys to do this," and until then, I get to be on the Internet, and everybody's cool with that. But ever since I was told I had a shift -- a shift?! What the hell's that? -- I'm getting the impressions that the cozy, peaceful work situation I thought was manna from heaven wouldn't exist anymore.
I was really hoping that I would have four months of good-sized paychecks so I could pay my credit card statements and fix all the problems I'm having for losing not one but two sets of keys. But if I'm not coming back to the same job I left in February, I'm not sure I can stomach a different job that would give me that money. Will I have to walk away from this because it's changed from the job I fell in love with?
Sunday, October 2, 2016
AND GODDAMMIT I LOST ANOTHER SET OF KEYS!!!
I realized this as soon as I got home from My Bad Day Of Blueballs Friday. I was emptying the pockets out of my porno pants when I reached into my right hip pocket and didn't take out either of the two loose keys I put in there this morning. I brought those two keys with me on the chance that I had time to go to Home Depot to make a copy of them. I didn't ... and now I lost them. And yes, there is some irony in having keys you intended to copy and now losing them.
In order to display my humiliation, I will describe the two keys. One of them was for another cashbox that I had bought when I was a the flu biller place. It was only a buck, and I bought just in case. That "just in case" happened when I lost the first set of keys two weeks ago, but I thought it wasn't that big of a deal because I had this second cashbox. Plus, I learned my lesson; this new cashbox had only one key, and therefore I would, as soon as I had the time, make a copy of that key to put for safekeeping.
The other was the key to the locked cabinet in my desk, where I put both my pornography and cash for the alumni group. I was in a bind after I lost my copy, but then I remembered that a spare key was screwed into the desk. Also, my parents bought two, one for me and one for my brother. My desk lost its key, but the "spare" desk still had the "spare" key, and while my folks were away doing some real estate stuff, I got a screwdriver and took it out -- with the intention of getting a copy so I wouldn't worry about walking around with only one key.
I understand there is some irony to this, seeing as I lost another set of keys just two weeks ago. And that I was walking around with two loose keys with the possibility that I could carelessly lose them is also ironic. Let me just say that I totally fucking hate myself for doing this to myself, and it's taking me all my willpower, plus the fact that I paid $200 to go to the Ryder Cup as soon as I'm done with this blog post and that I'm starting my assignment for open enrollment season tomorrow, to not run my head into a wall for being so goddamn stupid.
It's obvious ... no, I think it's obvious ... wait, I hope to Buddha that the keys are in either of the two stripper parties. It has to be there. It could be at my IRA advisor's office, or the bathroom at Mall Of America where I was changing into the underwear I bought at the Gap, or at the doctor's, or at the U. women's hockey game, or at Glam Doll. But I only took out the contents in my pants at those two parties, and there was a lot of shaking and grinding, so odds are (I hope I hope) they are somewhere there.
Getting cooperation from the two hosts/strippers of those parties to look for them is what I'm worried about. The night host said yesterday she didn't see it, but said she would look again at the upstairs bedroom I got a bed dance in and get back to me. Haven't heard from her since. The day host I'm not connected with because she refuses to give me her contact information. We're not connected on Facebook either; even though we have talked to each other on Facebook, we're not connected because she does not want customers as her friends on it. If she doesn't know I think I left my keys there, she obviously isn't going to look. Time is of the essence; with each passing day, I feel like the key could fall onto the floor or vacuumed up or something.
And, since these are, basically (when it comes to the cashbox) copies of keys I've already lost -- my "bailout" keys -- without them I'm totally fucked. Yesterday I had a locksmith jimmy open the cashbox (at a cost of ten bucks, which is a ripoff, and I might talk about that later). Meanwhile I have no fucking clue what I'm going to do with the locked cabinet key now that I have no copy. I at least snapped a picture of the copy (only because I wanted to note the orientation of the key once I put it back ... after I make a copy), but I have no goddamn clue if someone can just make a key off of a photo. If not, I'm fucked.
So yeah, it'd be really fucking nice if these girls can get back to me. Actually, it'd be really fucking nice if they have my keys. I need them to spare me from the stupid goddamn hole I put myself in.
I totally hate my life right now. My life and myself. I really, really do.
In order to display my humiliation, I will describe the two keys. One of them was for another cashbox that I had bought when I was a the flu biller place. It was only a buck, and I bought just in case. That "just in case" happened when I lost the first set of keys two weeks ago, but I thought it wasn't that big of a deal because I had this second cashbox. Plus, I learned my lesson; this new cashbox had only one key, and therefore I would, as soon as I had the time, make a copy of that key to put for safekeeping.
The other was the key to the locked cabinet in my desk, where I put both my pornography and cash for the alumni group. I was in a bind after I lost my copy, but then I remembered that a spare key was screwed into the desk. Also, my parents bought two, one for me and one for my brother. My desk lost its key, but the "spare" desk still had the "spare" key, and while my folks were away doing some real estate stuff, I got a screwdriver and took it out -- with the intention of getting a copy so I wouldn't worry about walking around with only one key.
I understand there is some irony to this, seeing as I lost another set of keys just two weeks ago. And that I was walking around with two loose keys with the possibility that I could carelessly lose them is also ironic. Let me just say that I totally fucking hate myself for doing this to myself, and it's taking me all my willpower, plus the fact that I paid $200 to go to the Ryder Cup as soon as I'm done with this blog post and that I'm starting my assignment for open enrollment season tomorrow, to not run my head into a wall for being so goddamn stupid.
It's obvious ... no, I think it's obvious ... wait, I hope to Buddha that the keys are in either of the two stripper parties. It has to be there. It could be at my IRA advisor's office, or the bathroom at Mall Of America where I was changing into the underwear I bought at the Gap, or at the doctor's, or at the U. women's hockey game, or at Glam Doll. But I only took out the contents in my pants at those two parties, and there was a lot of shaking and grinding, so odds are (I hope I hope) they are somewhere there.
Getting cooperation from the two hosts/strippers of those parties to look for them is what I'm worried about. The night host said yesterday she didn't see it, but said she would look again at the upstairs bedroom I got a bed dance in and get back to me. Haven't heard from her since. The day host I'm not connected with because she refuses to give me her contact information. We're not connected on Facebook either; even though we have talked to each other on Facebook, we're not connected because she does not want customers as her friends on it. If she doesn't know I think I left my keys there, she obviously isn't going to look. Time is of the essence; with each passing day, I feel like the key could fall onto the floor or vacuumed up or something.
And, since these are, basically (when it comes to the cashbox) copies of keys I've already lost -- my "bailout" keys -- without them I'm totally fucked. Yesterday I had a locksmith jimmy open the cashbox (at a cost of ten bucks, which is a ripoff, and I might talk about that later). Meanwhile I have no fucking clue what I'm going to do with the locked cabinet key now that I have no copy. I at least snapped a picture of the copy (only because I wanted to note the orientation of the key once I put it back ... after I make a copy), but I have no goddamn clue if someone can just make a key off of a photo. If not, I'm fucked.
So yeah, it'd be really fucking nice if these girls can get back to me. Actually, it'd be really fucking nice if they have my keys. I need them to spare me from the stupid goddamn hole I put myself in.
I totally hate my life right now. My life and myself. I really, really do.
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Two Parties And $285 And All I Fucking Got Was Blueballs
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Friday, September 30, 2016
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
Positive Numbers: Vikings (Last Week: 0). OK, now that the Vikes marched into Charlotte and knocked off the defending National Football Conference Champion Carolina Panthers, and by a comfortable 22-10 score, maybe, just maybe, these guys are for real.
What stands out is, like the victories over the Titans and Packers the first two weeks, this team came back from behind to win. Also, it was the Vikes' defense that kept them in this game; only once has Cam Newton ever been sacked more times in a game than the eight provided by Minnesota Sunday afternoon. Three of them came courtesy of Defensive End (and Trojan alum) Everson Griffen, who, for those efforts, was named conference Defensive Player Of The Week. And one of those sacks was a Safety, which finally put the Vikings on the board after Carolina started the game with a 10-0 lead in the first quarter.
And the Panthers didn't score for the rest of the game. The club intercepted Newton three times in the game. Meanwhile, the special teams got into the action, as the steadfast but lightly-heralded Marcus Sherels took a punt 54 yards to the house. (How long has Sherels been the team's Punt Returner? How long has he been with the Vikes?) And the offense remains, uh, efficient, as Sam Bradford connected with Kyle Rudolph for a Touchdown for a second week in a row. And Blair Walsh hit two Field Goals, although he missed yet another Extra Point. The squad's O could be a lot more potent, but it's the defense that's clicking right now, and if they can keep this up and stay off the injury list, the team will be a force to be reckoned with all season.
And they play on national TV again because they host the Monday Night game against the New York Giants, a team who, mysteriously, are the Vikes' bitches. I wonder if there's going to be a regression to the mean, but frankly, I kind of think the chances Minnesota goes 4-0 after Week 4 is pretty good.
#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1). Started off B1G play last weekend with a pair of home wins, sweeping Maryland and beating then-#17 Ohio St. in four sets. Outside Hitter and Eden Prairie native Sarah Wilhite was named Big Ten Player Of The Week for the second time this year for racking up 30 kills in both games. The Gophers are on a nine-game winning streak. And the U. is now ranked third in the Hero Sports poll and second in the AVCA Top 25. They now hit the road to the state of Indiana. Friday they play the Hoosiers, but the greater challenge is Sunday afternoon's matchup against Purdue, which is ranked 14th in the AVCA but 6th in Hero.
#-1: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -2). The volleyball team is going to the state the soccer team is coming from. And even though the opponents weren't exactly world-beaters, the side comes back to Robbie with a pair of clean sheets over the weekend, 3-0 at Indiana Friday and 2-0 at Purdue Sunday. Goalie Tarah Hobbs goes back-to-back as conference Defensive Player Of The Week for keeping her sheet clean. (See what I did there?) They remain a step ahead of Penn St. for the top of the B1G. And the IX is now in the Top X. (See what I did there?)
The Gophers now begin a three-match homestand. Wisconsin comes to St. Paul Saturday; Iowa visits Thursday.
#-2: Gopher football (Re-Entry!). Again, I wish it were Alabama, but Colorado St. is ... a school with a name, and they beat them, albeit at home (where they have yet to leave -- kind of like me!), by a score of 31-24. Remember that this team has been as nondescript a team as I've lived with all my life in Minnesota. There have been several times this program has started a season 3-0, buoyed with a rigged schedule where they have all their non-conference games at home. But it beats being winless.
We will finally have some indication of how good this team actually is now that they finally have to start conference play. And they finally hit the road, too -- Penn St., Saturday afternoon. If they aren't complete paper tigers, the Gophers should win this game. Right?
#-Infinity (tie): Twins and Saints (Last Week: -Infinity and Re-Entry!, respectively). I'm so glad that it's starting to feel like fall, because my God, the boys of summer absolutely suck.
I think it's fair to throw in the local minor league baseball team, but first we have to talk about the (at least in theory) major league baseball team, which is on the brink of the most humiliating of records a franchise can set. After this screening week's four losses (against just two wins), the Twinks now have, as of press time, 102 losses, which ties the execrable 1982 team as The Worst Team In Minnesota Twins History. (Applause!) Weeks like this week's 2-4 contributes to that. Losing streaks like the seven-game skid they finally broke Saturday also contributes to that. But, of course, it comes down to pitching and offense, two things that were in seriously short supply this season.
Which makes the season Brian Dozier is having all the more remarkable. He now has 42 Home Runs, the most hit by a Second Baseman in the American League. The Major League record is 43, by Davey Johnson. Unfortunately, Dozier's last Homer was on the afternoon of Thursday, September 22, and he has three games left, at the White Sox, to beat the record and end this annus horribilis with some value. Fuck the record; the Twinks are going to lose at least one more game and go down in history with awful notoriety. Just throw some softballs Dozier's way, please!
Now to the Saints. I have to write (and ridicule them) because, for a second year in a row, they finished the regular season with a great record and finished first in the North Division ... and lost in the Division Series. Last year they got upset by the Sioux City Explorers in four games. This year may be more excruciating because they had a 2-1 lead in the best-of-five series and lost the last two games -- and since they won their division, they played, and lost, Game 5 at home.
Maybe I shouldn't bitch about the on-field play of minor league baseball squads -- Bill Murray, who has pulled the wool over everyone's eyes, would flip his shit if he knew I was bitching about the team he co-owns -- but let's face facts. For all the success this franchise has enjoyed (parlaying it into a beautiful ballpark that anchors the east side of downtown St. Paul), the Saints last won a league title in 2004. Independent baseball leaves it up to individual clubs to find and sign their own players. You would think that the Saints would get the pick of the litter because of the support from ownership down to the fans. So why in the fuckety-fuck have they not won a championship in a dozen goddamn years? It's about time, for God's sake.
OK, rant over.
What stands out is, like the victories over the Titans and Packers the first two weeks, this team came back from behind to win. Also, it was the Vikes' defense that kept them in this game; only once has Cam Newton ever been sacked more times in a game than the eight provided by Minnesota Sunday afternoon. Three of them came courtesy of Defensive End (and Trojan alum) Everson Griffen, who, for those efforts, was named conference Defensive Player Of The Week. And one of those sacks was a Safety, which finally put the Vikings on the board after Carolina started the game with a 10-0 lead in the first quarter.
And the Panthers didn't score for the rest of the game. The club intercepted Newton three times in the game. Meanwhile, the special teams got into the action, as the steadfast but lightly-heralded Marcus Sherels took a punt 54 yards to the house. (How long has Sherels been the team's Punt Returner? How long has he been with the Vikes?) And the offense remains, uh, efficient, as Sam Bradford connected with Kyle Rudolph for a Touchdown for a second week in a row. And Blair Walsh hit two Field Goals, although he missed yet another Extra Point. The squad's O could be a lot more potent, but it's the defense that's clicking right now, and if they can keep this up and stay off the injury list, the team will be a force to be reckoned with all season.
And they play on national TV again because they host the Monday Night game against the New York Giants, a team who, mysteriously, are the Vikes' bitches. I wonder if there's going to be a regression to the mean, but frankly, I kind of think the chances Minnesota goes 4-0 after Week 4 is pretty good.
#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1). Started off B1G play last weekend with a pair of home wins, sweeping Maryland and beating then-#17 Ohio St. in four sets. Outside Hitter and Eden Prairie native Sarah Wilhite was named Big Ten Player Of The Week for the second time this year for racking up 30 kills in both games. The Gophers are on a nine-game winning streak. And the U. is now ranked third in the Hero Sports poll and second in the AVCA Top 25. They now hit the road to the state of Indiana. Friday they play the Hoosiers, but the greater challenge is Sunday afternoon's matchup against Purdue, which is ranked 14th in the AVCA but 6th in Hero.
#-1: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -2). The volleyball team is going to the state the soccer team is coming from. And even though the opponents weren't exactly world-beaters, the side comes back to Robbie with a pair of clean sheets over the weekend, 3-0 at Indiana Friday and 2-0 at Purdue Sunday. Goalie Tarah Hobbs goes back-to-back as conference Defensive Player Of The Week for keeping her sheet clean. (See what I did there?) They remain a step ahead of Penn St. for the top of the B1G. And the IX is now in the Top X. (See what I did there?)
The Gophers now begin a three-match homestand. Wisconsin comes to St. Paul Saturday; Iowa visits Thursday.
#-2: Gopher football (Re-Entry!). Again, I wish it were Alabama, but Colorado St. is ... a school with a name, and they beat them, albeit at home (where they have yet to leave -- kind of like me!), by a score of 31-24. Remember that this team has been as nondescript a team as I've lived with all my life in Minnesota. There have been several times this program has started a season 3-0, buoyed with a rigged schedule where they have all their non-conference games at home. But it beats being winless.
We will finally have some indication of how good this team actually is now that they finally have to start conference play. And they finally hit the road, too -- Penn St., Saturday afternoon. If they aren't complete paper tigers, the Gophers should win this game. Right?
#-Infinity (tie): Twins and Saints (Last Week: -Infinity and Re-Entry!, respectively). I'm so glad that it's starting to feel like fall, because my God, the boys of summer absolutely suck.
I think it's fair to throw in the local minor league baseball team, but first we have to talk about the (at least in theory) major league baseball team, which is on the brink of the most humiliating of records a franchise can set. After this screening week's four losses (against just two wins), the Twinks now have, as of press time, 102 losses, which ties the execrable 1982 team as The Worst Team In Minnesota Twins History. (Applause!) Weeks like this week's 2-4 contributes to that. Losing streaks like the seven-game skid they finally broke Saturday also contributes to that. But, of course, it comes down to pitching and offense, two things that were in seriously short supply this season.
Which makes the season Brian Dozier is having all the more remarkable. He now has 42 Home Runs, the most hit by a Second Baseman in the American League. The Major League record is 43, by Davey Johnson. Unfortunately, Dozier's last Homer was on the afternoon of Thursday, September 22, and he has three games left, at the White Sox, to beat the record and end this annus horribilis with some value. Fuck the record; the Twinks are going to lose at least one more game and go down in history with awful notoriety. Just throw some softballs Dozier's way, please!
Now to the Saints. I have to write (and ridicule them) because, for a second year in a row, they finished the regular season with a great record and finished first in the North Division ... and lost in the Division Series. Last year they got upset by the Sioux City Explorers in four games. This year may be more excruciating because they had a 2-1 lead in the best-of-five series and lost the last two games -- and since they won their division, they played, and lost, Game 5 at home.
Maybe I shouldn't bitch about the on-field play of minor league baseball squads -- Bill Murray, who has pulled the wool over everyone's eyes, would flip his shit if he knew I was bitching about the team he co-owns -- but let's face facts. For all the success this franchise has enjoyed (parlaying it into a beautiful ballpark that anchors the east side of downtown St. Paul), the Saints last won a league title in 2004. Independent baseball leaves it up to individual clubs to find and sign their own players. You would think that the Saints would get the pick of the litter because of the support from ownership down to the fans. So why in the fuckety-fuck have they not won a championship in a dozen goddamn years? It's about time, for God's sake.
OK, rant over.
Thursday, September 29, 2016
But Which Stripper Party?
Tomorrow cums one of those problems I should be lucky to have. There are two house parties coming up, and in both there is at least one girl who's willing to suck me off. Moreover, there is ***a*, who told me earlier this week that she might have some free time tomorrow to fool around.
It's an embarrassment of riches, yet it's also a crossroads, one of my own making. When I was horny and desperate, not too long ago, I sent out a storm of messages to all the strippers I knew asking if there were any parties they were working. I got a couple replies; one, from *****a, was the only one I would be in town for. Better than that, it would be the last free day before I begin work, which is on Monday.
I was totally down for that. But then things started to get complicated. First of all, I realized that the University of Minnesota women's hockey team would be raising their championship banner (their third in a row!) Friday night. I thought I would be able to sneak into the party before going to the game, or maybe I'd go after, but I thought I would still go. But then, when I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division), another girl, *i****, told me she was going to hold her party Friday afternoon. This was one I went to not too long ago, and I was shocked that a girl (not *i****) blew me.
That was when I made my decision: I would go to this afternoon party, not the one in the evening. I have only so much money and, in my advanced age, only so much, uh, "energy" to do the things I want to do. Moreover, I wanted to build up some loyalty with *i****, and going to that party would do that. I have been to *****a's party a few times, and I think I've built enough trust with her that I could skip this party and she'd be OK with it. Also, since she usually holds her parties at night, I could conceivably go to her parties while holding down this job. Finally, I have in the past texted her about missing her parties, and she's been totally chill with that. I hope to rely on that again tomorrow, when I text her. Maybe.
It's ***a* that bothers me a bit. I've gotten BJs from her several times now. But for some reason I feel as though I need to keep up my visits with her because I don't know if she would take these "house calls" on a regular basis. In fact, I don't know if she has this arrangement with anyone else. Plus, I think she's a bit on the poor side, and giving her money in exchange for sexual services rendered makes me feel better because it helps her out financially. Believe it or not, I do care about her.
But when she texted me Tuesday about having free time Friday, she told me that it would be in the morning, and I planned on doing the WMNSS then. The way I had softly plotted out my schedule, having my sexytime in the afternoon would be best. So, even though I had initially asked her, I ultimately said no. Unlike *****a, I'm not exactly sure she understands or accepts it, and I'm really scared that she'll no longer invite me over from some cock-sucking time in the afternoon once my assignment ends.
I wish I could please everybody and go to all three, but I can't. I made my decision, and therefore I shall stand in judgement for it.
It's an embarrassment of riches, yet it's also a crossroads, one of my own making. When I was horny and desperate, not too long ago, I sent out a storm of messages to all the strippers I knew asking if there were any parties they were working. I got a couple replies; one, from *****a, was the only one I would be in town for. Better than that, it would be the last free day before I begin work, which is on Monday.
I was totally down for that. But then things started to get complicated. First of all, I realized that the University of Minnesota women's hockey team would be raising their championship banner (their third in a row!) Friday night. I thought I would be able to sneak into the party before going to the game, or maybe I'd go after, but I thought I would still go. But then, when I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division), another girl, *i****, told me she was going to hold her party Friday afternoon. This was one I went to not too long ago, and I was shocked that a girl (not *i****) blew me.
That was when I made my decision: I would go to this afternoon party, not the one in the evening. I have only so much money and, in my advanced age, only so much, uh, "energy" to do the things I want to do. Moreover, I wanted to build up some loyalty with *i****, and going to that party would do that. I have been to *****a's party a few times, and I think I've built enough trust with her that I could skip this party and she'd be OK with it. Also, since she usually holds her parties at night, I could conceivably go to her parties while holding down this job. Finally, I have in the past texted her about missing her parties, and she's been totally chill with that. I hope to rely on that again tomorrow, when I text her. Maybe.
It's ***a* that bothers me a bit. I've gotten BJs from her several times now. But for some reason I feel as though I need to keep up my visits with her because I don't know if she would take these "house calls" on a regular basis. In fact, I don't know if she has this arrangement with anyone else. Plus, I think she's a bit on the poor side, and giving her money in exchange for sexual services rendered makes me feel better because it helps her out financially. Believe it or not, I do care about her.
But when she texted me Tuesday about having free time Friday, she told me that it would be in the morning, and I planned on doing the WMNSS then. The way I had softly plotted out my schedule, having my sexytime in the afternoon would be best. So, even though I had initially asked her, I ultimately said no. Unlike *****a, I'm not exactly sure she understands or accepts it, and I'm really scared that she'll no longer invite me over from some cock-sucking time in the afternoon once my assignment ends.
I wish I could please everybody and go to all three, but I can't. I made my decision, and therefore I shall stand in judgement for it.
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
To Cum On Tuesday Or Wednesday?
So right now I am at the library, trying to piece together what to do for the rest of my day. I leave for home tonight, but I have a rental that has to be returned by 5. That means I need to figure out what to do with public transportation while doing what I can do with a car. And neither of those things have anything to do with blogging about this on the library, which is the start of a couple things I feel like I need to do before I go back to sightseeing.
One thing I'm not doing is going to the stripclub to get sucked and fucked by my regular down here in ESL. I saw her Monday and she rocked my world; in fact, I made the decision that I wanted to be inside her, something I held off on for years. It was time.
But I wanted to see her again, and when planning this trip I didn't know which day, Tuesday or Wednesday. I finally decided on Tuesday, but the problem was I had no more, uh, energy to cum. It was embarrassing that I had to finish me by myself.
I should have waited a day. But I didn't know if I would feel I would have the time to spend an afternoon with her and then leave for the rental car center. Plus I would have to find a place to put on my underwear, and I so I thought I would feel rushed ... which, come to think of it, is what I feel right now.
Once again, I'm at one of those times where I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. There are a lot of opportunities, and maybe better organization, I feel like I'm passing up whenever I decide to do something, such as go to the jack shack yesterday instead of today.
Well, whatever the case is, I'm doing a chore now, and every minute I'm here means a minute less of sightseeing. Wherever I'm going to sightsee. Man, I still don't know what I'm going to do after 5. ...
One thing I'm not doing is going to the stripclub to get sucked and fucked by my regular down here in ESL. I saw her Monday and she rocked my world; in fact, I made the decision that I wanted to be inside her, something I held off on for years. It was time.
But I wanted to see her again, and when planning this trip I didn't know which day, Tuesday or Wednesday. I finally decided on Tuesday, but the problem was I had no more, uh, energy to cum. It was embarrassing that I had to finish me by myself.
I should have waited a day. But I didn't know if I would feel I would have the time to spend an afternoon with her and then leave for the rental car center. Plus I would have to find a place to put on my underwear, and I so I thought I would feel rushed ... which, come to think of it, is what I feel right now.
Once again, I'm at one of those times where I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. There are a lot of opportunities, and maybe better organization, I feel like I'm passing up whenever I decide to do something, such as go to the jack shack yesterday instead of today.
Well, whatever the case is, I'm doing a chore now, and every minute I'm here means a minute less of sightseeing. Wherever I'm going to sightsee. Man, I still don't know what I'm going to do after 5. ...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)