#0: Vikings (Last Week: Positive Numbers). My analysis of the Vikings' 24-10 win over the Giants, a team whose number they have for some reason, is going to be half-ass. Monday was the first day at work, and my body was so unaccustomed to getting up for an actual reason, staying up for eight hours, and driving home for an hour that midway through the first quarter I just took off my glasses and conked off until midway through the fourth quarter, where I saw the above score.
This is football, so I don't know how long this formula will last, but for right now, it's winning and it looks solid. Sam Bradford (whispers) has the arm that Teddy Bridgewater doesn't have. Combined with his nice touch and field vision, he's doing the things he needs to do to matriculate the ball down the field through the air, and that's something the Adrian Peterson-led Vikings never did. Don't worry about the running game, though: Backups Matt Asiata and Jerrick McKinnon each scored a Touchdown, and the team racked up 100 yards on the ground for the first time this season.
And what about that defense? They bottled up Odell Beckham, Jr. and picked off Eli Manning once, giving him 15 passes intercepted by Minnesota in the eight games he's played against them. And by the way, Manning is 2-6 against the Vikings. Through the club's first four games they have conceded only 50 points, the fewest among the teams in the NFL who haven't yet had their bye.
At this point the only thing that could derail what they have is injuries, which will probably happen. Sunday they host Houston.
#-1: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0). There hasn't been such a dynamic screening week for a local team in the WMNSS as the U. v-ball corps had this week. Based on a pair of weekend sweeps at both Indiana schools (and that Nebraska lost), the University of Minnesota was named the #1 team in the country, according to AVCA. It was the first time they sat atop of the polls since late September of 2004.
That's great, right? And then they promptly lost their first game after being anointed #1. That isn't the worst thing in the world. They lost at Penn St., they lost in five sets, and oftentimes the #1 team in the country loses their first game after being given that ranking. But the Nittany Lions are suffering a down year and the Goofs coughed up the last two sets to go down in defeat. Therefore they certainly won't be #1 this time next week.
I didn't realize this till now; they are in the middle of a part of their schedule where they play seven-of-eight games on the road. Sunday afternoon comes the only home game in that stretch, against Northwestern. Wednesday they hit the road and face the team that could be replacing the U. as the top-ranked club in the country -- border rival Wisconsin.
#-2: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -1). They are in the middle of a three-game homestand, and even though they immolated Iowa 3-0, they suffered their first loss in conference play, 1-0 to Wisconsin in single Overtime.
Just checked the standings: They are currently tied for third behind Michigan and Penn St. I also noticed two indications that flatter this side: They have scored the most goals of any team in B1G play (12), and they have allowed the fewest in league play (2). Add in non-conference matches and they lead in Goals For (31) by a healthy margin.
But still, you know, they lost. And now they have slipped into the mid-teens, poll-wise.
I'm always surprised that the women's soccer season seems to end so soon. But they've always ended around Halloween. And after Sunday afternoon's home tilt against Nebraska, they play their final three road games back-to-back-to-back, starting with Thursday's visit to Michigan St.
#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -2). Welp, I said that Saturday's game against Penn St. was gut-check time. They checked their guts and they were found to have no guts. In a game that had three lead changes, the Nittany Lions responded to an Emmit Carpenter 46-yard Field Goal in Overtime with a Saquon Barkley 25-yard TD run on their first snap in OT to take the contest, 29-26. Their running game was strong; two Gophs, Rodney Smith (104) and Shannon Brooks (100) broke the century mark.
But still, you know, they lost. Hey, Les Miles is free!
This Saturday early afternoon they fight for Floyd of Rosedale against Iowa at TCF Bank.
#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: -Infinity). Congratulations to the Minnesota Twinks, who finish the 2016 season with not only the worst record in Major League Baseball but the worst record in Minnesota Twinks history, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (loud, thunderous applause)
What a clusterfuck this team is. Right now I wouldn't mind if Paul Molitor followed Terry Ryan out the door. I don't know what he could have done, but based on bad juju alone, I think they need to clean fucking house. But ownership said that the new General Manager or Director of Baseball Operations or whatever title this new person will be given has to generally manage with Mollie in the dugout.
By the way, who is this guy? Thirty-three-year-old Derek Falvey, who is given the positions of Chief Baseball Officer (CBO?) and Executive Vice-President. He has been with the Cleveland organization since 2007, but elevated up to Assistant GM only this year. Sure, Cleveland burst open this year and won the American League Central Division. But I really hoped for someone (someone, by the way, who is allegedly given all powers on the baseball side of the franchise and will stand alongside Dave St. Peter under the Pohlad org chart) who had several -- hell, a couple -- years of success as AGM. I also would've taken somebody from the Boston Red Sox or the Chicago Cubs, two squads that have been blessed by the magic touch of Theo Epstein. I'm willing to take a chance on a noob if he's studied under Epstein. But Falvey hasn't. Not impressed, I guess.
I'll give Falvey credit if he sticks with Molitor and then decides to jettison him as soon as the 2017 season is over. But would the problems leave with him? Based on this shit year, and compared with the 2015 year that I thought was finally a harbinger of good times ahead, where does Falvey begin to fix this club? The pitching is an abortion, and the hitting, save for Brian Dozier, was equally atrocious. But the most troubling thing about the Twinks is that they are in the middle of a deep youth movement. Ryan had cleared the decks, and he did stockpile the farm system. The fruits of that labor had begun to sprout last year, with Miguel Sano and Byron Buxton supposedly leading the way to The Next Twins Renaissance. Instead, to a man, each young Twink took a big step backward. So this raises a question: Is this year an aberration, or last year? God help all of us if the answer is the latter.
Fuck this team. Won't pay any attention to them till April.
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