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The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  This team went 4-0 over the past Week.  I don't remember the last time The fucking Minnesota Timberwolves have done that.  I don't remember if they have ever done that.  And so for all those reasons, as well as a couple more I will outline below, they totally take the top spot for the Week.

Of their four Wins this past screening Week, two stand out.  I was at Tuesday's In-Season Tournament Game vs. The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics, and hate that I have to admit it, but those fuckers can play.  But so can the Timberwolves.  Rudy Gobert has finally rounded into the paint Minotaur Tim Connelly envisioned he would be when he mortgaged the franchise's future to get him from Utah.  And even though Anthony Edwards left the Game after falling hard on his hip on a spectacular dunk attempt (he hasn't played since), the rest of the team buckled down and came back from an eight-Point Halftime deficit to win, 106-103.  There has been some questions regarding this team's bench, but on this night, Troy Brown, Jr., of all people, kept the fire burning after Ant lit up Oklahoma City in the beginning of the Second Half.  Brown's And-1 effectively sealed the Game, even though The Bastard Sonics had a chance to tie it at the end.  When role players are able to step up at home, you have a good, and potentially a very good, team.

The other Win is yesterday/Saturday evening's 123-117 victory at Charlotte.  Against a rebuilding team on the road, coming off a scintillating run of victories that include Memphis and Utah, you see good and even very good teams mail it in and take the Loss.  Not these Timberwolves.  They pulled out the six-Point Win behind a 26-Point, 12-Rebound night from Gobert, 28 Points from Karl-Anthony Towns, 14 Points and ten Assists from Mike Conley, Jr. (him coming in to orchestrate the Offense may be overlooked in this franchise's makeover), and a 23-Point performance coming off the bench from Naz Reid.  There is something different, something special, about this team, and I believe.  I know I definitely want to after season after season of ineptitude.

There is a statistic I saw on Twitter that grows even more staggeringly awesome the more I think about it.  I believe that the Timberwolves have racked up their 14th Day as The Team With The Best Record In The Western Conference.  Before this season, the organization spent ten Days atop The Western Conference total.  These are not your older siblings' Timberwolves club, thank Buddha.

This Week was set aside to hastily cobble together Games for teams that didn't make the In-Season Tournament Knock-Out Round.  That includes the Wolves, even though they finished 3-1.  (They lost the Pool to The Bastard Rochester Royals/Kansas City-Omaha Kings because they beat Minnesota at Target Center on the 24th, and they lost out on the Western Conference Wild Card to Phoenix based on Point Difference.)  They host San Antonio and Victor Wembanyama Wednesday (in a Game for which I scored tickts) and visit The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies Friday that begins a three-Game road trip.

#0: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -4).  A very busy Week for the female Gopher hard-courters -- three Games ... and three Wins, over Stony Brook, Norfolk St. and Drake.  I believe these three opponents are of a greater caliber below the Golden Gophers than the foes the Timberwolves defeated, and that (plus the fact that the T-Wolves haven't been this dangerous, like, ever) is why this club takes the second spot (even though they nose above negative numbers).  Also, that Win over the Bulldogs on Saturday came after two Overtime periods; they beat Drake 94-88.

Maybe a better team would not need to go to Double OT to defeat Drake.  But we will soon find out how good this program is.  On Wednesday, they finally leave Williams Arena and play a road Game for the first time all season, at Lexington, Ky., against Kentucky Wednesday.

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1).  Just manhandled Bemidji St. at Ridder Arena by scores of 9-2 and 9-1.  But a truer test comes calling this screening Week, both in terms of quantity (three tilts!) and quantity (after visiting St. Cloud on a rare Tuesday matchup, they host defending champ Wisconsin for a two-Game series Friday and Saturday).

#-2: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  Defeated South Dakota St. at Maturi last Sunday afternoon, 19-13.  And that's all I really have interest in typing about this club -- well, also that their next Dual is at home to North Dakota St. on the 10th.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -8).  Sunday's 4-1 Loss at lowly Detroit appeared to be the last straw for General Manager Bill Guerin.  He did what many people didn't expect he would do and fired Head Coach Dean Evason.  I truly think Guerin wanted to wait out the season (at the very least), but Owner Craig Leipold told Guerin to shitcan Evason.  If so, rack up yet another instance of owner-meddling.  I think he had an outsized influence in getting then-GM Chuck Fletcher to sign Zach Parise and Ryan Suter, and now this.  He has stated in the past his belief that his franchise should always be in "win-now" mode, and that absolutely stinks, especially when the squad is struggling to make moves because they have around $15 million less in cap space this and next Year.  With all those handicaps, Leipold and Guerin decided to sacrifce Evason.  Guerin was at least honest when he talked about the move: "You can't fire 25 guys."

So he brings in someone he knows from his early GM days: John Hynes, who was fired from Nashville back in May.  And actually, the coaching change has apparently lit a fire under the team: They beat St. Louis at home Tuesday, 3-1, then blasted the Predators in Nashville Thursday, 6-1.  Whether or not this is basically a "dead cat bounce" remains to be seen.

This Week: Hosting Chicago this/Sunday afternoon, then off to the Pacific Northwest for a four-Game road trip, with stops this screening Week in Calgary, Vancouver and Edmonton.

#-4: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -6).  Split a two-fer at Penn St. over the weekend.  This squad is good, but championship good?  I don't think so.  Two contests at Ohio St. this upcoming weekend.

#-5: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2).  I don't know how good San Francisco is supposed to be, but appears as though the Dons had very little trouble dispatching the Goofers in San Fran, dispatching them by 18 last Sunday night.  Sure, the U. bounced back by defeating (The University Of) New Orleans by 33 Thursday.  But Big Ten play starts this/Sunday evening in Columbus against Ohio St., then continues Wednesday vs. Nebraska at The Barn.  I'm afraid that the outcomes from those contests will more closely resemble the defeat to San Francisco than the victory over The Privateers.  Oh, they revert back to non-con play Saturday when they host Florida-Gulf Coast.

#-6: Vikings (Last Week: -7).  How in the hell did they lost to The Chicago Bears at home on Monday Night Football when the Bears didn't score a Touchdown is a damn puzzle.  But that Loss basically burned away all the cushion they got from their other MNF appearance this season, a surprise Win over San Francisco (also at Das Bank v.2.0), and their chances of making the postseason now seem very slippery.

There should be more scrutiny regarding the turnaround from the Defense.  After three Years of middling-to-poor results, the first two costing Mike Zimmer the head coaching job and the third ending The Wildest Viking Season Ever in humiliating fashion, new Defensive Coordinator Brian Flores has implemented a crazy, blitz-heavy-or-drop-everybody defensive scheme that has confused opposing Offensive Coordinators.  Read this piece from Kevin Seifert of ESPN.com for all the details.  But like with the Timberwolves, you know you have a good team when you see unheralded players step up and become stars, people like Josh Metellus and Rookie Mekhi Blackmon.

Unfortunately, the Offense, the area of expertise for Vikings Head Coach Kevin O'Connell, has taken a few steps back lately.  The Loss on Monday should squarely be set at the feet of that side of the ball and, if you want a scapegoat, it should be (unfortunately) on Quarterback Josh Dobbs, who was responsible for four Interceptions (even though I think at least a couple of them aren't completely his fault.)  The bloom of the "Passtronaut" (I wanted to call him "Rocket Man" because it sounds cooler) has completely fallen off the rose, even though Dobbs hasn't played real well since the end of the First Half versus New Orleans.  That's what you get when you latch onto memes of an out-of-nowhere feel-good story: The story turns bad and you hope that dude disappears back into nowhere.

O'Connell is taking the bye Week to assess whether Dobbs is the Quarterback going forward; Jaren Hall, the team's back-up QB coming into this season, is back from concussion protocol.  Nick Mullens is also available.  Which of them is under Center when they visit The Bastard Oakland-by-way-of-Los Angeles Raiders in Las Vegas on the 10th?

#-Infinity: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -5).  Well, they did make the NCAA Tournament, and even though they were an unseeded squad this time around, they not only upset regional 6-Seed Utah St. (is this the first Year the NCAA seeds teams 1-8 in each of the four Regionals?), but swept the Aggies Friday, 17-14-23.  Unfortunately, they then faced Regional 3-Seed and host Creighton last/Saturday night and got swept themselves, 21-20-27.

I repeat my mantra that since this is the first Year of a new Head Coach, throw this away.  Still, it's jarring to see this perpetually underachieving program (IMHO) with a fervent fan base they don't deserve bow out in the Second Round of the tourney.  Moreover, according to fans who follow and chat about the club, the jury's out on whether the team's two main Outside Hitters, Mckenna Wucherer and Taylor Landfair, will stay or hit the Transfer Portal.  While this obviously was a season in transition -- they finished the Year 17-13 -- fans noticed that there wasn't a whole lot of chemistry with this particular edition.  There might be further disruption if players leave or come in via transfer.  Where the program goes from here in reaction to this reset season is the main task Head Coach Keegan Cook has to navigate in order for Minnesota to become a bona fide contender again.

So It Wasn't The Batteries???

My temper continues to get the better of me.  A couple or few weeks ago, I was fuming because the Wild were crushed by The Bastard North Stars.  Couldn't help but think and ruminate and just stew in my anger.  Once I allow this red mist to descend upon my mind, it's very hard to get myself out of this anger spiral.

I was lying in bed thinking about it.  My thoughts in this state often turn into revenge fantasies whereby I am at the X and see some Dallasshole rooting for The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0. and he starts to fight me and I kill him.  Like it usually happens, I kind of snap to from this fugue state and realize I should get my mind off something else.  I think I was going to grab something from the fridge to drink because I was thirsty, so I flung the blanket open so I could hop out.  I did not remember, however, that I had recently turned off the TV set and placed the remote control beside me on top of the blanket and not at the corner of the dresser where it would have been safe.

Since it was not safe, that poor remote control went flying -- Whooooomp! across my bedroom onto the wood floor.  It was still intact, but I couldn't change the channel or turn the volume up or down.  I took apart the whole thing the next day hoping that I could put back something that got loose from the hit.  But nothing seemed out of place and I still couldn't use the remote.  This reminds me of the time way, way back when I was watching the Vikings play The Tampa Bay Buccaneers when the Bucs were permanently shitty.  Or was it The Detroit Lions?  Anyway, the team the Vikes were playing were bad, but the Vikings this Year (and really most Years) were underachieving, and so in this Game they were struggling to take the lead late.  A pass was thrown to, I believe, Wide Receiver Anthony Carter, but it went through his hands and into the hands of the defender behind him for an Interception.  And I got so fucking angry that I threw the remote I had in my hand across my room.  It hit the floor and shattered into a dozen pieces.

So based on experience, I was sure that, once again, because of my temper and because I didn't put the remote where I should have, I have ruined another remote control.  So I bought another one through eBay.  Got it, took it out, exchanged the batteries in the old remote into the new one ... and it still didn't work.  Man, did I get suckered into buying a lemon remote control?

But then I stopped and thought.  This new (well, actually used) remote has to work.  So ... is it the batteries?  I grabbed two new AAs and put them into the remote control I bought -- and it worked.  And so I put those same new batteries into the remote that I flung across my bedroom -- and it worked, too!  So the remote wasn't broken, but the batteries just didn't work?!  I was able to use that remote up to, oh, 30 minutes before it got catapulted by my blanket, and that is precisely when the batteries decided to run out of juice???

I don't believe it, and I still don't fuckin' believe it.  Now I got a back-up remote I don't need (no way am I returning that to the person who sent it; I have some sense of pride and I can afford to waste eight bucks) and two batteries I'm still puzzled as to how it suddenly died on me at the exact same time I should have broken my remote control.  But hey, I don't have to get up to change the television any more like I used to when I was a kid, so maybe this will be the last thing I say about it.

Driveway Head!!!

So this morning/afternoon I am going to see ****e one more time before she spends a month in Mexico.  I didn't think I would see her for another week or two -- I figure I could fuck her monthly -- but she's leaving soon, and the winter so far has, well, not been winter, so I figure I should take advantage of the lack of snow and the relatively balmy weather and drive down there while it's surely to be incident-free.  (I plan on using the minivan, though -- wish me luck it makes it down there and back!)

About three weeks ago when I last saw her, she immediately bolted out of the front door when I rang the doorbell.  ****e asked if I could take her to the nearby liquor store so she can buy some alcohol for herself and for the person who lives in the basement part of the house -- he drinks a lot, she says.  I don't mind.  It gave me a chance to surprise her by whipping it out in the car!

I started the car while she went back in to grab a coat and lock the door.  I made sure no one was around, then took out my cock.  She got in, we kissed, and I said, "We're both happy to see you!" as I thrusted my dick at her.  Now I've taken her to the liquor store once before, so she has touched my pee-pee before I exited down the driveway.  She dutifully did that this time.  But this time, I may or may not have said, "Now, do you wanna kiss it?"  And she readjusted herself, tipped her head down, and sucked my dick while I was sitting in the driver's seat.  I don't think anybody caught us.  How fucking wild is that shit?!

Don't know if she's going to ask to be taken to the liquor store again.  But if she does, hope she gives me driveway head again.  Hey, I was going to watch the EPL in downtown for the first time in a long time, but she said today would be the best day to see her, so if the opportunity for driveway head presents itself, I'm fuckin' taking it!

No, Vegan Dumbass, That's Not What You Just Said

I hate that rude interactions bother me so much.  But I went to Glam Doll Donuts today and corrected the guy at the cash register who was ringing up my order.  I asked for three donuts.  He was talking out loud and pressing the buttons for the donuts he believed I ordered.  He got one wrong; he said "Sweetheart" when I ordered the "Coffee Cake."

"Actually," I said, "it is the Coffee Cake, Ginger Betty and Fall On Me."

"That's what I just said," he mumbled under his breath.

Excuse me, asshole?  That just bothers the fuck out of me.  And then, once I was done, he shoved a cup of coffee in front of me even though I didn't ask for one.  Then I realized the guy behind me asked for the cup of coffee.  Hey, maybe wait till I'm fucking done and out of the way before you shove a cup of coffee in front of me, yeah?

And after I left, I think that motherfucker overcharged me.  Donuts are expensive at Glam Doll, so I didn't really think it was that obscene.  But then I thought about it and I think it's a buck or two over what it should be.  Whether that asshole was trying to rip me off or if he is as incompetent as he is rude, I don't know.

I have to remind myself that this is just him.  The person who bagged the donuts for me was real nice -- said goodbye to me as I was out the door and everything.  I don't know if I'm going back to Glam Doll anytime soon, so I won't have to see that piece of shit again for a while, if ever.  And once I take in my whole relationship to this place (which has taken somewhat of a beating on social media, which I don't quite understand), I have to remember that they have often given me free donuts in the past.  Even if this prick overcharged me in this case, I have gotten way more for free.

This dude had a "I (heart; don't know the character code for a heart_) PLANTS" black t-shirt.  Maybe if he ate some animal flesh he'd be nicer.  Or be able to do basic math.

I Was Supposed To Do Data Entry, But I Didn't!

I'll be honest: These days I don't look forward to the days I have to work in The Main Department.  It's kind of ironic since I initially interviewed just for that position.  But I now work in three other departments, and the autonomy and the relative lack of structure over there are factors that have become much more important to me.  Meanwhile, I have to wake up at the crack of dawn to get to this particular skill set in time because I am working pretty closely with other people (so they'll notice when I'm not there in time).

Yesterday/Thursday, my only day of the week in The Main Department, I was hit with another curveball: Go into the lab and help cut open packages so we can all process the samples that come in ASAP.  People in The Main Department rotate doing that job, but I have to tell you that it's been more than a year since I have been in the lab.  I pretty much forgot what to do.  Add that it's no fun picking up samples of piss that have leaked, and I spent the first half of my workday on my butt, putting labels on plastic bags (technically I didn't open a single package at work yesterday/Thursday), hoping to God piss didn't seep through my latex gloves and get on my hands, and holding my nose so I don't have to smell said leaky piss.

On top of that, for the second half of the day I was assigned (and I knew this on Wednesday) scanning duties.  These scanners, which have been workhorses scanning tens of thousands of forms I'm sure, now break down with regularity.  If a form gets jammed in there, I have to take it out and smooth it over.  If it jams again, I have to make a copy of it.  I did that several times; add to it that the shipment of packages I was sent into the lab to open was late, and, well, we were all late.

But in another irony, what I did not do was the very thing I was initially brought to this company to do, the skill set I thought I was going to deploy when I got this job: Data entry.  I really thought I was going to be banging away on my keyboard entering data into our database.  I didn't do that at all.  I was busy in the lab putting labels on packages in the morning and scanning forms (from the packages that were being opened in front of me) in the afternoon.  I just was not able to sit down and key.  For some reason, I find that to be very, very funny.

Can I Just Go Home From Work Just Once? (No, Probably Not)

I could totally be wrong about this, but I don't remember the last time I got home from work early enough in the afternoon whereby I could just change clothes, crawl into bed, take a nap, and have the rest of the evening in front of me.  I would have time to do whatever the heck I want: Do the laundry, clean the dishes, start going through the mail and/or my stuff, etc.

But honestly, it feels as though I have gone from work to somewhere else, and I get home around 10 or so.  For example, I was working the Monday night Game Monday.  On Tuesday I went to the Timberwolves Game.  Last/Wednesday night I watched the prequel to The Hunger Games (and I gotta tell you, I have been impressed with the installments of this series that I've seen, and I really, really like The Ballad Of Songbirds And Snakes).  I have gone somewhere, and that somewhere wasn't home to cocoon.

Now, do I have to go to these places?  Well, no.  Like I don't have to go exercise tonight/Thursday night.  But I have my physical tomorrow/Friday, and I am under the delusion that blasting out some exercise the night before (after not working out for well over a week) will significantly improve my health.  But that means that I can't veg out at home, so that's another night out on the town.  I will look forward to Friday, where I can plop my butt down and watch the intriguing Pac-12 Football Championship ... well, after I go out and grab some food to eat, I guess.

My Defective Right Pinky

It seems to have gone away during last/Tuesday night's Timberwolves Game, but suddenly at work I felt pain in my right pinky.  I couldn't really tell if it was on the surface of my pinky or somewhere inside of it, but I had never felt that kind of pain before.  It immediately made me think it was some runaway bacterial infection and it'll get so bad that I'll have to have it amputated.  So let's hope it's not that, yeah?

Addendum To: A Good Break

I was basically a pack mule for the Vikings Game, and all my body parts hurt as a result.  But there are a lot of good things to working the Game instead of watching it like I had planned to.  Obviously it's great to make money the same day you earn money through paid time off at work.  Moreover, even though I was afraid strike would keep me at the stadium way past my bedtime, we actually got out of there, oh, 2-2 1/2 hours after the Game was over.  I usually stay that late after a Game just eating food.

Best of all, because the Vikings lost, I'm glad I didn't see that because I was too busy working.  And making money on top of that?  Even better when you combine all the good things together.  Plus I saw this really cute babe who was wearing a barebelly shirt.  Yowza!

A Good Break

Wouldn't you know it ... I took this day off because I thought I would be working the Game tonight.  But then I didn't hear till Friday that they had everyone they needed.  I still took the day off because my supervisor built an appointment to a doctor around seeing that doctor after filling in for me at work today.

Well, well, well ... got home just now after getting my shoes shined and eating some Cyber Monday deals at Potbelly and Chick-Fil-A for lunch.  I was planning on exercising this afternoon -- but I just got a text from the MNF contact saying that someone got sick.  Can I fill in?  Hell yes I can fill in!

Hey, sometimes things go my way!