Sunday, January 25, 2009

Analyzing The Race For 2008 Playboy Playmate Of The Year

Playboy's Playmate Of The Year may just be more imporant than Miss America these days. They just crowned their winner on The Learning Channel, for crissake. I remember reading back in high school the TV ratings for a week in 1980; that Miss America pageant was the #1 show. My how times change, and how Miss America has fallen so far.

Anyway, there's a page that allows you to vote on who's your favorite, but it's fairly well documented that it's all bullshit. There are PR things you do that I would imagine would be looked on favorably by the company, but in the end Hugh Hefner decides who is PMOY. Not that I'm complaining; he could kill my parents and burn my house down and I'd be OK with it because, hey, he's the one that made porn OK in America. But don't think you voting for your favorite makes a difference.

Here's how I break the ladies down. Sandra Nilsson doesn't have a MySpace, so no go there. Ida Ljungvist has a page, but won't let me in because she wants me to put down her "real" last name. Uh, maybe it's "Not Gonna Get My Vote." The Campbell twins' eyes scare me; they look vacant. A.J. Alexander does not have a video accompaniment to her page, so I think that reflects badly on her. Grace Kim is Asian, and since I'm Asian and raised in a white neighborhood, it reminds me of my family, and that's gross. Juliette Fretté uses a lot of fancy words in her video. That's great that you know them, but such logorhhea (look that up, Juliette) is totally unnecessary when we're staring at your tits and twat. Plus, she's a Bruin.

The other half I'm fine with. But check on the interviews for both Michelle McLaughlin and Kelly Carrington have deep voices, like they smoke. I think chicks who smoke are fuckin' hot, but they tend to go for other smokers. Plus, how can we plan a long future together when you die of lung cancer, or if I die before you because of secondhand smoke? Laura Croft likes monster trucks. That means she's probably white trash who doesn't go for minorities. I'll have a language barrier with German Regina Deutinger, and I already have to deal with that shit with my family. So that leaves Kayla Collins and Valerie Mason. From what little scuttlebutt I can glean from people who follow the PMOY race online, the least popular playmates are the Campbell Twins and Mason, and the favorites are Carrington and Collins. I should add that I have received at least a half-dozen messages from Collins imploring for me to vote for her on the link, and although she sounds hot, it's kind of getting annoying.

Oh who am I kidding, I'd love to fuck any of them.

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