Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: Positive Numbers). New #1 after beating the shit out of Ohio State by a combined score of 21-3 (feels good to be better than Ohio St. at something). That makes it 14 in a row. Hey Twin Cities, you want a winner? These ladies are it. They're at home this weekend for two against a probably overmatched Bemidji State squad. Go! Me ... um, it's going to be cold this weekend and there might be snow on Saturday, uh, I'll go later in the season.

#0: Swarm (First Appearance!). This is how high the local pro lacrosse team's profile is: I thought their first game was their win against San Jose Saturday when in fact they began their season with a win at Portland the Saturday before, and so I didn't put them in my inaugural survey last week. Sorry! But this team is undefeated, and they will be undefeated because theyy don't play this week. Hopefully they're on their way to the playoffs again -- and this time they won't fuck up and lose at home!

#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -1). A great win at Iowa proves that they can win on the road in a bad season for the Big 10. Followed it up with a 20-point victory at the Barn against Penn State. Although there are more successful teams, this is the glamour squad in the Twin Cities right now. But will they do anything in the tournament? I feel so good about this club I give them a fighting chance going to Wisconsin and Northwestern.

#-2: Timberwolves (Last Week: 0). A gutty win at Target against the Bucks extended their streak to five, but it ended now that they faced a good team, Miami, even though they played them tight. Banishing Rashad McCants may have been the best thing to this team. Does McHale really not suck as a coach? He certainly could go back to sucking because the Woofie Dogs go out to the warm Southwest for three this week.

#-3: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -3). Ho-hum -- a win at home against Indiana followed by a loss at Iowa. The latter takes a shine off their gutsy victory at Illinois the week before. I like women's basketball (partly because I can get a good seat at a decent price, unlike the men, but still) even though I have no idea who's on top of the conference and whether the Big 10 is strong this year. As far as I know, this horse trading is giving the Gophs no chance at the tournament. Could be another 1-1 week.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -5). They went on the road for two and lost both; they come home and whip the Bastard Winnipeg Jets, a team whose number the Wild apparently have. They still can't score with any consistency, though, and no matter how much Mikko Koivu steps up or how many role players rise up and have a great game (like Cal Clutterbuck in their win Tuesday), they're not going anywhere. Do you resign the up-and-down Niklas Backstrom with Josh Harding, who made a huge mistake in going out and failing to grab that loose puck on that goal against Columbus, waiting in the wings, thereby continuing this franchise's history of shuffling through goalies like Elizabeth Taylor did with husbands? They're loading up with four games this week before the All-Star Break.

#-5: Wrestling (Last Week: #-4). Finished sixth at National Duels. Sixth. For a program of this stature, that should be unacceptable. But the title they won just two years ago seems farther and farther away now that they have slipped into mediocrity. At least we know where these guys now stand; in their 3-2 weekend they beat ninth-ranked Wisconsin but lost to sixth-ranked Ohio State. So they're no worse than 9th, no better than 6th. Great. Enjoy your break.

#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2). Got humbled at unranked North Dakota State by scores of 6-3 and 6-1. Are they so lost without their coach that they shouldn't be ranked even thirtieth let alone third? Or is this talented-on-paper team going to screw the pooch late in the season again? At least Lucia will be back for their home-and-home this weekend versus the most racist university in the state, St. Cloud State.

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