My grandmother wanted me to explain the coupons she got from the casino tonight.
She loves gambling. I think that's where I got my gambling jones from, and we're not even related (long story). So she's all signed up and I assume the casino knows her by name and they send her these announcements over the mail. Once a month they (like any casino now that I think about it) sends her these coupons -- you know, free hotel stay, five bucks off the buffet, entries for a new car, etc.
She asks me to look them over. The only relevant coupons are the $5 in cash back; you bring that coupon and your card to the info desk and they give you five bucks right there. One if them is for the first half of February, the second for the second. But every single goddamn time I try to explain what the coupons are I can't because I don't know what is Chinese for "These are two coupons where they'll give you five bucks, the first one is for February 1-14 and the second one is for February 15-28." I don't even think I'm coming close to communicating what these coupons are for. I'm guessing she thinks she can only use them the 1st and 15th of the month.
But after stammering through my explanation with the little Chinese I know, she, for I think only the second time ever, set me off with this request: "Write it down for me." Write what down? The dates? The fucking dates when you can use these coupons? The fucking coupons that already have the dates on them? Do you even know what the fuck the number's I'm gonna write down even fuckin' mean?
Well, she's my grandmother, so I write down the numbers "1," "14," "15," and "28" larger than they are printed on the coupon. I tell her that when she goes to the casino next month to let me know; that way I can tell her what to bring. But I'll forget.
These are the times when I wished we spoke English like everybody else.
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