Sunday, February 14, 2010

"Handicapping" 2009's Playboy Playmates For 2010 Playmate Of The Year

I was too harsh on last year's crop.  I shouldn't've been, but I was.  I think that way now that I persued through all of '09's Playmates and have a lot less quibbles.

Well, maybe I have a few.  Miss March, Jennifer Pershing, has these eyes that are very vacant-looking, and whenever she finishes a sentence in her Playmate Video Data Sheet, she exaggerates her smile.  But she has a sister who's autistic, so I feel bad for ragging on her more than that.  Kelley Thompson, Miss November, does the same thing.  Is it a mere coincidence that both girls are the only Playmates that are married?  One other thing about Kelley: If you look at her Playmate Video Data Sheet, she's a hell of a lot more tan than she looks in her photos -- kind of bothersome.

I have reasons for hating the twins, Karissa and Kristina Shannon.  They are, respectively (I think), Misses July and August, but this was Playboy's first-ever double issue.  It's an effort to cut costs since they're losing money hand over fist, but I think it's a sad disgrace that they're going down this path in a possibly futile effort to stay in existence (they did this again for the current January/February issue).  Also, they're felons.  And from what I saw in their video, they might be airheads.  And they fucked Hef, which either ensures that either they definitely will be Playmates Of The Year or they definitely won't.

Offshoots that bug me about the Shannon twins also taint my initial appeal towards two other PM's.  Crystal Harris, Miss December, is stripper-hot, but she's now Hef's steady (the Shannon twins have stopped fucking Hef and moved out of his Mansion).  Other Playmates are taken, but when one particular one is taken by "The Man," you can't avoid that no matter how much you close or avert your eyes.  Meanwhile, another Crystal, Miss May Crystal McCahill, was busted for DUI early in 2009.  Also, she's the daughter of another Playmate from the '60's, Miss August 1968 Gale Olson; not to be too harsh, this is Ms. Olson now, and even though it's inevitable, she is fat.  And I get the feeling that in her later years McCahill will get as fat as she gets older as well.

The others I have no serious problems with.  Jessica Burciaga, Miss February, loves the Lakers, a team that was stolen from us, but since she's so cute and real in her video I'll give her a pass.  I also love her smoky voice.  Another girl with a deep voice is Miss June, Candice Cassidy -- a turn-on.  I've done some research on her; did you know she owns a studio in Ohio, and it looks like she's very active in it and that all her kid students like her and they're totally cool with her showing her hot bod and shaved pussy even though she lives in extreme south-central Ohio?  She really does seem to have her shit together; you get the feeling that she'll be totally fine after her relationship with Playboy is over.  That's really sexy.

Miss September Kimberly Phillips is active on facebook and I think she's walking sex.  Plus, she confesses that her tits are totally fake, and that's awesomely honest!  And Miss October is Lindsey Gayle Evans, a former Miss Louisiana until she also was arrested, for skipping out on a paying for a dinner and for possessing pot.  Another pageant winner going rogue?  That gets my dick hard like no one's business!

But if I had to pick a favorite, I'll go with Dasha Astafieva, Miss January and the 55th Anniversary Playmate.  She probably will get no love because her layout came out so long ago and because she's not American.  But if you look at her photo, you can see she not only shaves her pussy but shapes it too.  I mean, how naughty is that?!  I also like how real she seems to be as she struggles with her English in the PVDS.

Ah, hell -- I'd fuck all these ladies regardless.

(ETA: I totally forgot about Miss April, Hope Dworaczyk.  There are many "experts" who speculate that she's actually the favorite for Playmate Of The Year, and there are many good reasons.  She is a host of a TV show on E! Canada, so she is very comfortable and well-spoken in front of a camera.  But the best reason, at least to me, is her last name.  First of all, with all the common surnames of Phillips and Evans and Shannon and Harris, it is beyond refreshing that a hot girl has a unique last name.  Moreover, it's incredibly fuckin' sexy that she is modeling naked under her real last name.  She is absolutely honest about who she is and what she does, and she has nothing to be ashamed of, and she knows it.

But of course, I'd still fuck all these ladies regardless!)

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