#-1: Swarm (Last Week: -7). The only team this week to go undefeated. Sure, they only played one game. But it was a hell of a game, from what I hear: A 16-12 home win against previously undefeated Washington which featured a bench-clearing brawl at the end of the first quarter. After that three players were given game misconducts and thrown out, including Swarm leader Sean Pollock. But apparently fighting is supposed to work in box lacrosse the same way it does in hockey; the Stealth cut the 5-2 first quarter score to an 8-6 deficit at the end of the first half. Symmetrically, however, they repeated the exact same scores in the second half -- 5-2 Swarm in the third quarter (like the first), 4-3 Stealth in the fourth (like the second). The result, of course, is a Minnesota win that "catapults" them out of fifth and last place in the Western Conference. Tomorrow (Saturday) night they host Colorado at the X. Please keep this streak going, guys; I have no faith the teams below you will turn it around.
#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5). Once again, it is to the shame of the entire state that the second-best team in this week's survey. They had that game at Northwestern Sunday, they had it! But once again they pud out come crunch time and give the Wildcats faint false hope they'll make the NCAA Tournament with their three-point overtime win.
Still, I'm surprised the Gophers throttled nationally-ranked Wisconsin last night at the Barn by 17 (and by the way, why are these teams only meeting once this year? These guys share a border!). They're still going to the NIT. But did you know this is their third-straight win over the Badgers? They continue their homestand this week, hosting Indiana and Purdue.
#-3: Wild (Last Week:-4). The Atlanta Thrashers recently traded their two-best players ... and the Wild lose to them, at home?!?!?! This loss, on Friday the 12th, is when this team officially gave up. Yeah, they're only five points away from the last spot in blah-blah-blah, but they're also the third-worst team in the Western Conference. Being so close to the playoffs and so far away at the same time should be contradictory, but such is life in the NHL. They're not going to make it. And they don't deserve to, even if they tried to make it up with a 6-2 win over Vancouver before breaking for the Olympics. They're off until the Games are over.
#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -6). They have another "tie!" I still don't get it -- they have a point, but they decide who wins and loses via shootout. Whatever. They "lost" on the shootout at home, then lost for real at St. Cloud St. (and they got their asses kicked too -- 6-3!), to be swept by the Huskies. The entire building called the Gopher women's hockey season is falling down on them: this broke their undefeated record at home, they lost to St. Cloud St. for only the second time ever, and they have now lost four in a row. This club is the Indianapolis Colts -- always strong in the regular season, but piss down their legs when it matters the most.
Worse yet is that this squad will be gearing up for the postseason just as their best players are in Vancouver for the Olympics. They host Wisconsin for a pair this weekend. Could the losing streak reach six?
#-5: Wrestling (Last Week: -1). Gone are the days when the Goph grapplers could beat a storied program such as Iowa. Gone also are the days when they could at least hold their own against the Hawkeyes at the Sports Pavilion. The #-1-ranked Hawks beat the living shit out of Minnesota Sunday night, 28-9. It's their first loss in Big Ten play -- I guess it's good to wait for this loss until near the end of the season. And despite this embarrassment, they're still ranked fifth in the NWCA poll. If polls are going to stay this stagnant, maybe they shouldn't come out with polls anymore. They host 10th-ranked Penn St. tonight (Friday night); if I get off of dinner early, maybe I'll go.
#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -3). Randy Shaver of KARE11 News said this is as low as the program has been since being revived from the dead almost a decade ago. I don't think it's that bad -- single-digit-win seasons were de rigueur -- but this feels like a settling back to the bottom of the barrel from the 2004 Final Four season. They gave it their all at Williams against a great Ohio St. team and fell short by five. They thus seem spent last (Thursday) night in being Iowa's bitch by 21. Pam Borton's team is below .500, and she's still in danger of having a losing season at Minnesota for the first time ever. This week: at Indiana Sunday, then hosting Michigan Thursday.
#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2). I feel stupid in saying this, but I really thought the Woofie Dogs turned a corner. Never mind; they returned from the All-Star Game with back-to-back losses on the road against a mediocre team (Detroit) and a horrible team (Washington) by allowing 108 points and being unable to break triple digits both times. Before the trade deadline, they shipped Brian Cardinal (actually Brian Cardinal's contract) to the Knicks for the Human Victory Cigar (and former second-pick overall) Darko Milicic. I feel stupid in saying this as well, but last year Cardinal was a pretty effective bench player. I'll shut up now. This week: home to Chicago and the Bastard Seattle SuperSonics, then at Miami and at Atlanta.
#-8: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!). These guys have yet to hit rock-bottom. They're still hurtling through standards I've never seen him fall through in a decade, and I fear that they could suck some more. Got swept at second-ranked Denver last weekend by a combined score of 8-2. What good is coming from this team? Seriously, why aren't more people bitching and moaning about this program? Host Colorado College for a pair this weekend -- goddamn, everything's at the U. this weekend. ...
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