#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7). They're going nowhere this year, but when will I ever get to put the Wolves on top of TWMNSS again? Playing only two games facilitated this meteoric rise; playing them both at home helped even more; and when the opponents are the Clippers and the Knicks, you have to cash in. The back-to-back wins put an end to their five-game losing streak. One thing that's helping: Ryan Hollins being installed in the starting lineup. If somehow the third-year man out of UCLA can blossom, that'll mean that ... the Woofie Dogs will have another overachieving role player on their roster. Oh yeah, and that winning streak will end this week; they play four games against Dallas, Memphis, Philadelphia and Charlotte.
#-2: Wrestling (Last Week: -1). They also enjoyed a 2-0 week, beating visitors Wisconsin and Purdue (the latter in their Endowment Meet). Kudos for beating ranked opponents. However they still rate as the fifth-ranked team in the nation. And they're still in the gauntlet of ranked Big Ten teams; this week the Gophers head to Illinois and Indiana. Like the Badgers and Boilermakers the Illini and Hoosiers are ranked much lower than the Gophers, but this is on the road, so who knows what could happen? By the way, Jayson Ness returns to the top of his class at 133 lbs.
#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3). Like I always say with this squad, a 2-0 weekend is great, but let's wait till we see 'em in the postseason. RW Brittany Francis was named WCHA Offensive Player Of The Week for her role in the Gophs' home sweep of MSU-Mankato by a combined 8-3 score. They have now won six in a row (including shootout wins) and is named by some polls as the new #1 team in the country. But now they face a formidable opponent in an unforgiving situation: at #5 UMD. We'll see how tough this team is after the weekend.
#-4: Wild (Last Week: -2). In a pattern that's getting to be familiar, they won the one game they were at home (against Edmonton, this season's NHL shit-eater) and lost the two games they played on the road (at San Jose and against the Bastard North Stars). This is the sixth consecutive game where they win while at the X but lose away from it. Guy Latendresse remains a revelation. And that's all I know about this team this week. Their win over the Oilers begins the five-game homestand that takes the team and the league to the Winter Olympic Break. They have two on the docket, against Philadelphia and the Bastard Winnipeg Jets.
#-5: Swarm (Last Week: -5). I don't know if lacrosse follows the player development model of the NBA, where you hold onto your draft picks as long as you can and get to enjoy cultivating them into stars for as long as you like, that of the NFL, where you have a hard salary cap and you either decide to sign a guy or convince him to take less money or just outright cut him, or that of MLB, where you can spend as much (or as little) as you like and player development is a mere suggestion. The Swarm, with talent that's been selected in-house or gathered through free agency, appears to be following a similar pattern, that of being very mediocre. They gave the Buffalo Bandits their first win of the season on Saturday, 11-7 at Buffalo. The Swarm now stand at 1-3. And they now go from facing the NLL's sole winless team to the league's last undefeated team, the 5-0 Washington (State, not D.C. like I thought) Stealth, in Washington Friday night (tonight).
#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -8). They did win a game. The reason I put them below the Swarm, which lost its only game this past week, is because they also lost a game. To Alaska-Anchorage, a team that's allowed Michigan Tech to escape the label of WCHA doormat. The Gophers usually paste the Seawolves, regardless of home or away. Yet somehow they follow up a 7-4 win with a 2-1 loss to these patsies??? These. Guys. Have. No. Heart. And yet, inexplicably, F Zach Budish was named WCHA Rookie Of The Week. Whatever. They're going to get their asses kicked on the road against Denver this weekend.
#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -4). Totally uncompetitive in their lone game this past week, an 85-63 pasting at Ohio St. This Evan Turner person must be really good. This is Tubby Smith's third year as coach, and there are now some rumbling starting as to whether he should be shitcanned. I'm not exactly happy that he hasn't had success, but I have to give him at least a couple more years of bringing in the players he can recruit in order to gauge his effectiveness. No, it doesn't help that Trevor Mbakwe, Royce White and Al Nolen all are no longer playing for the Gophs, but it's better that they be barred from ever donning the jersey and doing damage to actual team records. Now, will they get into the tournament? Uh, no, not after losing four of five. They do have two winnable games this week, however: at Penn St. Saturday, then home to Michigan Thursday.
#-8: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -6). Meanwhile, the distaff ballers have officially hit rock bottom for the year. They had many chances Thursday (last) night, but a steal in the lane sealed Wisconsin's 76-74 win over the Gophs at the Barn in double overtime. That completed a week to forget for the squad, for they lost by 13 to Illinois on Sunday afternoon. How in the hell can you lose both games in a homestand and expect to get into the Big Dance? They've lost five in a row -- just like old times when this program was nonexistent. Williams Arena will get to host tournament games this year, but they'll be one of those sites that take in teams that have no following on their home floors, because the Gophers sure as fuck won't be playing in them. At Michigan Super Bowl Sunday, then at Penn St. Thursday.
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