Just finished a night and day of feeling like I was going to shit my organs out. Had pizza (which Mother seemed to be pissed at me arguing the price over with the Pizza Hut), but in an all-time low, I had only four slices. Maybe it was her behavior towards me, maybe it was the small pizza I had yesterday afternoon for lunch, or maybe it was the cheese stuffed into the crust of the pizzas, but I just didn't feel like eating more.
And I guess for good reason, because around midnight my bowels began raging. I felt like that guy in Aliens when that monster popped out of its body. Surely it didn't come out of my stomach, but my anal sphincter was no match for the excrement that forced its way out of my bunghole. Have you ever felt that massive internal pain that seems to tighten your intestines whenever you have a movement? Hurts like a bastard, doesn't it? Was in the bathroom for 45 minutes dealing with the pain.
(And boy did it smell. Not just from me, but from my Grandmother, who used the crapper just before me. It once again felt like a nuclear bomb went off in there, peeling paint and everything. Maybe she went through the same shit, literally, I did. Had to open up the window at night in 20-degree weather; didn't help.)
By this afternoon it seemed to pass, though I had these phantom movements where all I eventually shat were this pucker farts and little drabs of poop. Again, it could be the extra cheese in the crust, but right now I feel that the reason I had such a massive episode isn't the wrong type of food but that I ate so much food. If I were 15 years younger, man, I could've plowed through a whole large pizza and not even pee for a day.
I'm old.
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