OK, so my sperm pills, at least for the first two weeks, came in two large plastic books. Open up the book, and there are seven rows of two capsules, one for morning and one for night. And there are these two black half-circles on each end.
I had no idea how to open these things, and the graphic instructions on the book were no help. Finally I realized that you were supposed to pop the moon tab, go around to the back of the book, and rip open the perforation from that tab. That would expose the flimsy aluminum casing, and you pop the capsule through that, of course.
The first capsule was a disaster. I almost tore the whole book just getting to it. I was using my finger, just like the graphic instructions said, and I had to use superhuman strength to punch that half-moon tab through.
So I needed a tool. And then, on my desk, I saw a bottle opener. It's emblazoned with the Metromix logo and URL. I guess Metromix is this online entertainment guide for cities in the country. I don't even remember where or when I got it.
I thought what the hell; use this before getting a knife from the kitchen. But when I applied the bottle opener to the tab, I saw something extraordinary, even miraculous: The top part of the bottle opener, the handle I guess is what it's called, was the same length across as the length of the half-moon tab! It is perfect!!
So for the next two weeks I just took the bottle opener, pressed hard into the half-circle tab, and it immediately gave way. Easy as pie. No jeopardizing the integrity of the book, no frustration, I have gotten to all the capsules with ease. And I got some use out of a free thing for the first time ever.
Too bad it's too late. With my two-week supply gone, I now have to go the researchers to replenish my stash, and I've been told these will come in a bottle. And with the cap that screws open, so I won't need the bottle opener. Damn it.
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