Father Wants To Get Into The Modem Business

I went downstairs because Mother needed help turning on the computer and Internet connection -- huh? -- when I saw a modem.

I assume My Fucking Father brought it home because he finally got fed up with all the times the modem I bought, the second I bought since we went to broadband, disconnected. It's hard to describe because I don't think this happens to anybody else, but at times, the modem will lose the signal or thing it gets from the Internet and disconnect. Sometimes it comes back, but sometimes it stubbornly goes haywire. It's distressing to see the Internet light on the modems I've had blink, then disappear, then reappear as a red light, then as a green one before blinking and starting the frustrating cycle all over again.

I had been on the phone with my ISP when it first happened, and the Indian rep told me that I had to exchange modems because the first one has had a history of dropping connections. But soon after I installed the second it also happened, so that's bullshit. I'm convinced it's not the modem. If it happens to a second modem, it's not the modem, it's the socket or the wiring. I really think it's because the house or its wiring is so old that it can't maintain connection to the Internet, especially when it goes on for a while or if it's really hot, the two conditions seemingly always present when the damn modem goes on the blink.

For some reason, however, one thing seems to fix it. The ISP person wanted me to test the modem by putting it in other phonejacks. I noticed that after I did that to both my modems, then put it back to where it was, the connection turned out fine, and it stayed fine. So now, after I look at my laptop and see there's no connection, then make sure the internet light on the modem is in fact not solid green, I unplug the whole thing, go into Mother's office, plug it into the power strip and phone jack, wait for half a minute, then take the modem back into the computer room. And except for one weird time, it works.

My Fucking Father doesn't know that. Maybe I told him, but if I did, he didn't care to listen. He thinks it's the modem I bought, which is bullshit, because the problem's with the wiring, which is the house, so it's his goddamn fault.

Oh, another thing: Over the summer he had me dump air conditioning water. Yeah, our HVAC system is so old that when we needed to cool off, the water generated to cool the house down didn't drain to some standpipe in the bottom of our house, but instead through a hose My Father had to connect it to. The other end sat in a pail in the middle of the HVAC room, and every, oh, six hours it would get full, so we had to make sure we took that pail and poured it down the drain. I'm definitely sure no other family with its shit together has to do that. But we do. So it's alright that we have to make sure we pour water waste down the sink, but dealing with a sometimes-spotty Internet means My Fucking Father has to get a brand-new modem? Fuck you, Father.

That's one reason why I got so apoplectic when I saw this modem in the computer room. There may be more, but after I calmed down, I noted the triggers to this:

• This shows My Fucking Father doesn't trust me, or thinks I'm stupid; his judgemental actions have always pissed me off;
• Doing this is a way to show me up -- "I know how to do this";
• He gave up on me -- "I gave you a chance to fix this, but now that you've failed, it's my turn";
• He once again is wading into territory he doesn't fully understand, though that has never stopped him;
• I paid for the modem that still works (I should ask for a refund if he goes through with this);
• I consider this an invasion of my privacy; while him fucking rearranging my room was an invasion of my physical space, this is an intrusion into what I feel is my responsibility and, compared with everyone else living here, my area of expertise -- both things that are mine, I believe;
• And, finally and most importantly, I think this is a way to control me and force me to leave the house.  I pay for Internet.  If he puts this modem in, he can say that he bought the modem, therefore he can dictate how it's used -- and, in my case, when.  If he wants it unplugged overnight so I can't "work," it's his modem, his rules.  Never mind that I pay for the house Internet.  If he takes this away from me, I truly am not at peace in this house.  And then My Fucking Father could throw me out.

To get back at him, I marched upstairs to the deck with his precious modem.  Even though my brother was talking to him, I didn't give a shit about making a scene.  "Just to let you know," I stammered, fumbling through my words, goddammit, "You're going to get the same problems with this modem as you do with mine."  To which he meekly said, "OK," in that tone of voice where you know he's ignoring and will do whatever the fuck he wants.  Once again, Fuck you, Father.

Just for that, I stayed out till 2 in the morning, then came storming down the stairs and into the computer room once I got back.  Well, at least he hasn't switched modems yet.  However, the computer was still on, and I saw the master bedroom was ajar.  Huh?  It kind of looked like there was some kind of incident or something.