#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!). Only undefeated team for the week that won more than one game; that's not damning with faint praise, but I have to put the only mult-winning squad at the top of this week's WMNSS. They swept a two-game series with UMass last weekend at Mariucci, thanks in large part to Senior Forward Jay Barriball, who scored four of the team's ten goals (five in each win) and was named WCHA Offensive Player Of The Week. Honestly, I don't remember the last time they swept a home series.
I did not know this, but they begin their season with their longest homestand, six games over three weekends. This weekend they pop the WCHA cherry of Nebraska-Omaha, transplants from the CCHA.
#-2: Gopher soccer (Re-Entry!). Was at their only game this week, a 4-1 win over Purdue. I haven't been to a soccer match at Robbie Stadium in the afternoon in a long time, but I have always loved the view. It's absolutely gorgeous in the fall -- girls at play in a perfect field, and out in the distance only a humble two-lane road runs through gorgeous trees turning their leaves and verdant rolling farmland. It's a perfect place to have a game in a non-revenue college sport.
Even better, after a scoreless first half, the squad lit up the Boilermakers in the second. The four goals come in two sets of two, the second of both coming rapidly after its predecessors, seemingly when Purdue was demoralized. The second Gopher goal came on a touch pass from about thirty yards out to a streaking Shari Eckstrom in front of the goal 33 seconds after Minnesota drew first blood. And the fourth goal was a doozy; 58 seconds after the Gophers made it 3-0, a touch pass just outside the box was headed (don't know who it was, but her back was facing the Purdue goal) to a cutting Molly Rouse in front of the net. I don't know if I've seen better passing on a soccer goal in person in my life.
This week is, at least according to the school website, the hardest weekend in their conference schedule: at Penn St. Friday and at Ohio St. Sunday. The Buckeyes are ranked, albeit behind Minnesota; both teams currently sit at or near the top of the Big Ten standings. They could cement a bid to the NCAA Tournament with a sweep.
#-3: Wild (Last Week: -5). Shocking -- OK, maybe not so -- that up until Thursday (last) night's win over Edmonton in the home opener the Wild's only victory this albeit newborn season was against some stupid damn club team from Finland. And yeah, maybe the Oilers aren't that much better than that club team. But a win's a win, and assuming that victories will be in short supply again this year, they should revel in the fact that the organization won their ninth straight home opener a little longer than a good team would.
With enough time to overcome their jetlag, the Wild now get into the swing of things with three games this week: vs. Columbus Saturday, hosting Vancouver Tuesday, then at Edmonton Thursday. The Blue Jackets game is the same night as the season opener of the Minnesota Rollergirls bout at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium right next door to the X. They always schedule matches on the same night -- why? Shit, now I'll have a bitch of a time finding free parking. Goddammit.
#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Last week: -1). They drop down mostly because of variety; they'll be good most of the year, so what's one week in the middle of the pack?
They also won only one game that counted, a 1-0 win over Wayne St. (Before that they defeated the local pro club, the Minnesota Whitecaps, 3-2, but only after Forward Jen Schoullis scored twice.) Forward Amanda Kessel scored the only goal in the Gophers' win over the Warriors. As they have many times before, they have started the season undefeated, albeit (I'm using that word a lot this entry) 3-0. They test that record in a home twofer against North Dakota.
#-5: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2). OK, now this is shocking. I still remember last year, when they looked like they didn't have their shit together all year, yet were able to put it all together come tournament time and (thanks to having the regional at the Sports Pavilion) make it to the Final Four.
But last year's team didn't lose to Northwestern. In fact, I can't remember the last time Minnesota lost to Northwestern in four sets, like they did last Sunday. And in a very dispiriting continuation of a pattern, they started off well, winning the first set, before getting swept the next three.
The stat of the match was blocks: The Wildcats doubled up the Gophs, 18-9. Middle Blocker Sabel Moffett got, get this, 14 of them, one short of tying the all-time high in school history.
This team ain't no scrubs; Northwestern improved to 15-2, the program's best-ever start through 17 games, and the team was ranked in the AVCA Top 25 at #24. The 'Cats are now 20th, while somehow, Minnesota is still ahead of them, at 19th.
That should change this week: They're at Penn St. Friday night (tonight). They'll get swept. Will they show some fight at Ohio St. Saturday (tomorrow) night?
#-6: Gopher football (Last Week: -4). You know, I feel sorry for Tim Brewster after his 41-23 beatdown at Wisconsin. Badgers Head Coach Bret Bielema was running up the score when he went for two late. Yeah, yeah, I hear, "Well, if you don't like it, stop 'em!" The Gophs were down by at least two scores and they looked ragged the second half; they weren't stopping anybody. There was no reason Wisconsin had to rub it in.
Now, this proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Brewster will be fired after this year. But for the first time, instead of a shrug, I kind of wanted to give him a shoulder to cry on. These days, he isn't brimming with confidence. In his press conferences he looks like a guy groping for truth, a man existentially lost. But there may be salvation this weekend: They can beat Purdue in Purdue, even if the Gophs are 5 1/2-point underdogs.
Quick overview on the rest of the season: They have a prayer at Purdue, next week at home against Penn St., and next month at Illinois. This can be a 4-win season ... which means Brewster will still be fired. But they can also go 1-11, in which case he definitely will really, really be fired.
#-7: Vikings (Last Week: -3). I've heard a lot of people think they somehow turned the corner late in the third quarter of their 29-20 loss to the New York Jets. Yeah, Brett Favre started clicking with his receivers ... or at least that's what I heard. They were playing so shitty in the first half that I would up watching Hawaii Five-O then turned off the TV and tried to pass out.
Maybe Minnesota fans need to be optimistic after the Twinks pissed down their legs, but I cannot see how anybody can look at this team as a glass with half-full purple Kool-Aid. Brett Favre is now under investigation for sexting his 41-year-old dick to Jenn Sterger. (Aside: Look at her. I can understand Favre wanting to show her his cock. Shit, I'd do it. Fuck, I might show it to her in person!) He has tendinitis in his arm. By suspension or through injury, he might have to sit out for one or two games. Our backups are Tarvaris Jackson and Joe Webb. And we are 1-3.
The Vikes face the Dallas Cowboys at the Dome Saturday afternoon in a game that will go national. Dallas, like the Vikes, are 1-3 and had Super Bowl aspirations. This is a de facto elimination game: No team since the last whatever years have started their season 1-4 and made the playoffs. Shit, the percentage of teams that were 2-3 and made the playoffs aren't very good, either. And do you think either team can win it all right now? This is a game that could feature two dead teams walking.
#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: -Infinity). OK, first of all, to all the guys bitching about people bitching about the payroll disparity: I understand what you're feeling, but they're right. Now, having one-half the salary roster of the Yankees doesn't excuse the team from going 2-for-18, or laying down in Game 3. But they're the best team money can buy, year in and year out, and that allows them the luxury of knowing they're going to be in the playoffs almost every year. The Twins, for all the good they do in the regular season, cannot say that. And that's because the Pohlads cannot and/or will not spend to the level of the Yanks. No team can.
Also, letting players know they will spend money (within a system that allows profligate spending and has feebly tried to level the playing field through revenue sharing) allows the Yankees to not only get the best free agents, but to replace them with other players in case the big-money guys fail. Again, spending so much money allows you to make mistakes. The room for error for virtually every other team is small. You just have to take a look at next year, when everybody knows Cliff Lee will be signing with the Yankees. And the rich get richer. The Twinkies' flameout has nothing to do with payroll disparity, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Those who think the choice for what happened comes down to either performance or money is making a false choice; the answer is both, or yes.
So, what to do about it? Well, this organization could use a lot of things. They could use an ace, a shutdown pitcher. They could use some left-handed power. I really do think they need an asshole, some guy who's going to irritate his teammates but will make them focus on winning a World Series (I think getting back A.J. Pierzynski would be a great move.
And, even though it flies in the face of rewarding good people, I wouldn't mind a switch in Managers. Ron Gardenhire looked impotent in this American League Division Series, and while I'm a huge fan in stability, shit like that ain't gonna fly, not when the taxpayers in the metro area are giving $360 million to this team for a new ballpark they've been bitching for for 15 years. So what if he's going to get AL Manager Of The Year? (And I thought Ron Washington is going to get it. He's going, "Hey, what about me? We actually won a playoff series?" Well, he's probably concentrating on the AL Championship Series, which begins tonight. Either that or snorting cocaine.) Why not get Joe Torre? He's got the talent; all he has to do is flash his rings and they'll play every fucking day if he wants them to.
But the main thing these fuckers need is to grow some goddamn balls. The emasculation these guys took was embarrassing. Until these 25 guys grow a spine, they'll never beat the Yankees. And the decision to give the Twins a new edifice before the Vikings (who play under a salary cap system that forces a much more level playing field for all teams) will remain a big mistake.
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