I have this routine, usually: I fill two insulin shots for Grandmother every night, but the caps that they're shipped in so they don't shift during shipping I keep, for a day. The next night, when I refill again, I keep those caps and throw the previous day's caps away.

Why do I do this? I have OCD. And I have developed this ... thing where only a days' worth of caps (either two or one because Grandmother sometimes forgets to inject herself twice; big problem) can go into the garbage. Every night -- for now anyway, gulp -- Father bags up that day's garbage and puts it in my parents' work minivan. And so I have a "fresh" garbage bag I can throw the previous days' caps into. A days' worth of caps for every bag of garbage: That's the self-brokered rule I have.

Well, maybe it's the combination of being busy, thinking too much and anxiety, but I broke from routine today when I thought I didn't. I dumped the previous night's caps in the garbage this afternoon, or at least I think so. My thinking was is that the garbage bag was "new," so I might as well throw them away now, while I'm going through the kitchen to do something, say, in the bathroom. Only I didn't figure that I had to wait till after dinner tonight (even though I was not having dinner at home tonight because I was working) so Father can refresh bags. Although I'm sure I couldn't, I may have dumped both last night's and the previous night's insulin shot caps in the same bag.

I realized this just now, when I filled up Grandmother's insulin. I usually put the caps to the right of my laptop on my desk, and when I saw that there was none I thought, "Oh, shit!" I mean, it's not life or death or anything. But now I can't throw caps into the trash tonight. I have to wait till tomorrow to throw 'em (in this case one) away. And it kind of bugs me, in an OCD way.