Now, I talked about this guy before. He offered me something a couple weeks ago. I told him I'd be busy until now. And since it's now, he decided to call me. Well, I was in a state of just waking up, but my concerns over liking this job has not gone away. Also, this job starts on Monday, and I scheduled a session at the U. hearing lab then. It certainly isn't a 40-hour job, but honestly, I'd rather do that then this, certainty (I'd be working for the year) be damned.
Still, I hemmed and I hawed. And when I audibly sighed into the phone, I think it was the last straw with this guy. I told him, once again, I had other stuff I'm working on, but I lied and said I had an interview scheduled for Monday afternoon. I wanted to pass it up and, if possible, ask me the next time assignments roll in.
He wasn't having it, not anymore. My training was back in early November, and pretty soon it'd be too old for it to be good to just go into an assignment. Moreover, he didn't like offering me jobs which I passed up on the past two or three phone calls. He suggested that he take me off his availability list ... "because I don't know if you're going to get many more of these calls."
And you know what? That really pissed me off because he threatened me ... and then I realized I understood where he was coming from. I have to realize that I'm not really hot for this job. He has called a couple times, and each time I said no. The only reason I'm still considering this is because I need the money and all the other "jobs" that I have might go away. But as much as I felt I needed the money, especially after my car needed major repairs, I don't feel that anymore. Well, it's either that or I really, really don't like this job and I'll only take it if I have absolutely nowhere else to turn.
Maybe I would have thought differently if I were fully awake, but I decided that there needed to be some finality to this back-and-forth. "You know what?" I told ProStaff guy, "You're right. Take me off the list." And then I started saying that I was an asshole for jerking him around. To that, he immediately went from stern to apologetic, saying that he was sorry for not having something lined up immediately after training (which was something I thought would happen) and that was his fault, and we all went, No, no, it's my fault. Typical nonsense conversation: I cave in, and the other guy immediately steps back from his assertive pose and offers conciliation to look like the good guy. I hate myself when I put my tail between my legs like that.
And honestly, I hate that he went from all "I'm not going to stand for your bullshit" to "I'm sorry for yelling at you, but I wanted to make you do what I want first." The epitome of passive-aggressive. But I think that's just a visceral reaction to a tone that I've always hated, even if it was justified. And it was justified. He's working hard, and I just led him on with my, "Well, I'd rather do something else, but I don't want to let this go if everything else falls through, so can I just pass for now?" I can't go on like this. So, even though I might regret it, I'm not taking the job.
I'm going to regret this, won't I?
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