So it was the employees' last day of work, and even though I've been promoted, I decided to go back to stick to a tradition of sorts and give everyone in the room chocolates. Today was bittersweet. A few blog posts ago I was bitching about how busy I was, yet I knew that with a snap of my fingers all of this will be gone and I will regret complaining because I would not have any work nor any job prospects for the future. That happens at the end of this project every year, so I get these chocolates as a celebration/memorial.
Just when I should present them to the room Wednesday, however, became an issue. First of all I didn't even know if anybody would be around to eat them. Last week I ordered them to come when I came home from work Tuesday in order to give to the room the next day. But on Friday I was told that they were on a pace to get done early Wednesday, if not Tuesday. I know all of us like chocolate, but only seven us eating 70 pieces of chocolate was not going to happen.
Then, on Monday afternoon, the minions wised up and, apparently, decided to slow down, almost to the point where my boss was afraid that not only were we going to work Wednesday, we might not even get done Wednesday. She was livid, but at least my decision to stick with my guns and not cancel the order was correct. At least those things were going to get eaten.
So, to Wednesday, the Big Day. They decided to pick up the pace after a stern talking-to Monday, so even though they may have been here a few hours later than initially expected, we knew fairly early into the day Tuesday that Wednesday would be the last day. My first thought, then, was that everybody comes back from morning break, they'll settle down and get back to work, and that's when I'll quietly march out onto the snack table with them, and they'll discover them, slowly, and it'd be nice. I thought I did something like that the previous years, and if it ain't broke, why fix it?
After coming back from break my boss, who sits next to me, asked, "So, did you bring out the chocolates yet?"
"No. My thought is that I'd wait till about 15 minutes after break, let them settle down, then surreptitiously bring them out."
"Well, I figure that they'll make a commotion once they realize there's chocolates, and that'll be very noisy," she said. She's been very, uh, upset with how people have been coming back from break late and making more noise than she felt was necessary. I thought it was a tad overblown, but I can see over these past weeks how she has felt the room has been generally, um, unruly. Anyway, I took that as a cue that she wanted me to take them out now.
Generally, as a way of calming down the rule and getting them back to work, she makes a quick announcement, usually talking about how far along we are on projects and/or issues that have come up. The people have gotten, for lack of a better word, trained to dick around until she says something, then they all quiet down after announcements. I didn't actually know, however, if she was going to do it this time around. I just got up and took the chocolates out to the table. In the back of my mind I was afraid they would see them and, instead of getting ready to go back to work, they decide to extend the break and gorge on the chocolates. That's the noisiness my boss wanted to avoid, which is why I thought not saying anything and taking them out 15 minutes later (when people are concentrating on their work) would have been quieter and ultimately better, but whatever.
My boss, though, followed me out of our desks, and while I was opening up the box and making sure the group message from us to them would be displayed for all of them to see, she started to go into her announcements, ending with, "And Unforgivable Wetness (of course she didn't say that, but I sure as hell am not going to reveal my name) has a special treat for us!"
And that was my cue. To say ... something. I was not prepared for that. Shoot, my original plan did not require me to say anything. So as I was finishing this display of chocolate I turn around and look at my boss, who looked at me back.
I don't know if this came off as defiant. I hope it didn't. I was just, you know, unprepared. But I know what I said next made me sound like an idiot. I stammered a little bit, of course, and then I said -- and I think I said this but I think my mind has already tried to blot this out of my memory permanently -- "... uh, maybe this should be self-explanatory? I think this is self-explanatory?" The questions marks should be there, by the way. I was up-talking when I said this.
Guess my boss felt she needed to cover for me. I don't know, maybe she thought I was undermining her. But she had her thoughts together; as I got done with this display of chocolate, she chimed back in, "He got us all gourmet chocolates." And you should have heard the "Oooohhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!" that swept through the room. It was like a trained studio audience in an infomercial. They then clapped, to which I took a quick bow, which probably made me look like a self-absorbed jackass, but this just shows how bad I am at thinking on my feet.
Anyway, they came up to grab some chocolates -- well, several. It wasn't a stampede, but there was some commotion as those that wanted the first piece got it. (By the way, I took the first piece; while I was making the presentation one of the chocolates stuck to the top of the paper divider. So I helped myself to it.) Some thanked me, one (who was on my team) effusively so. I'll take it. Hey, I don't know if they respect me as a supervisor, and I guess I proved I'm an inarticulate boob, but I'm A-OK bribing them with chocolate.
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