I thought their luncheon was going to be held tomorrow (Friday) afternoon, but I guess it was this (Thursday) afternoon, because looking for a splash page of a list of all of last year's Playmates, I saw that the background behind revealed who the winner is: Kennedy Summers, aka Miss December.
I can tell you right now that there are a lot of Playboy aficionados who are absolutely pissed off over this decision -- and by the way, please disabuse yourself of the notion that this is a fan vote. They are invited to vote, somewhere, but ultimately this is the decision of Hugh Hefner and, assuming that he is in a seriously debilitated mental state, his minders at Playboy. Your vote means shit if Hef & co. decide otherwise.
They did. They voted for Ms. Summers, and there is a handy ulterior motive you can serve up lickety-split: I swear I heard she is currently dating Cooper Hefner, Hugh Hefner's son (with Playmate Kimberly Conrad) and currently-groomed successor to his old man's empire. Something similar kind of happened with Crystal Harris, like Summers a Miss December, only this time she was actually dating Hugh Hefner (they were engaged to be married, she broke it off, then became re-engaged after she changed her mind, and now they're married). But I kind of thought that being an item with a Hefner would enough -- that that is the trade-off for not being named PMOY, so as to avoid any conflict of interest. Well, guess not, if the rumors are true, and I swear that they are.
So, who is my pick? Let's first eliminate all the others. There is a paradox for 2013: Many of the PMs, in particular the last four of the year of Bryiana Noelle, Carly Lauren, Gemma Lee Farell and Summers, are instantly forgettable (at least beyond the fact that Farell, Miss November, is British). And yet there are more than a few magazine followers who say this has been the best year in a long time for strong centerfold photos. The themes have gone back to their thought-out eighties heyday. Lauren, Miss October, had a circus theme, where she was dressed up (well, besides showing her tits and twat) as an emcee. Miss January had a ski lodge theme, and the pictorial for Miss February, Shawn Dillon, was set nearly entirely at sea. Unfortunately, those settings had to make up for what I thought were pretty, but not memorable, Playmates.
Going back-and-forth between here and the splash page, I'm trying to remember the spreads for Miss March, Ashley Doris, and Miss May, Kristen Nicole. But I can't, so I'll have to lump them into the forgettable pile. Same thing with Audrey Aleen Allen, Miss June, although I want to give her some slack because she was born in the Twin Cities suburb of Edina, Minn. before moving away at a young age.
I want to favor those Playmates active on social media. Surprisingly, none of the dozen stand out. The that I think is (actually was) most active of the 2013 Playmates is Jaslyn Ome, Miss April. I remember that she posted occasional pictures of her and her roommate, which happens to be Miss August, Val Keil. And I also that one photo showing her body in a bikini with the paraphrased caption, "Trying to get my body in beach shape." She was totally fucking hot; I know that if she stepped onto the beach while she was that "fat," all the guys (including the gay ones) would sprout wood right in front of her. Alas, she hasn't posted anything I remember in months, and Keil not at all.
So that leaves one Playmate: Miss July, Alyssa Arce. She is my choice for Playmate of the Year. Moreover, she is the hands-down favorite of most of the people I know online who follow Playboy. In fact, I would say that she and her centerfold pictorial are the strongest in a long, long time for the magazine.
You have to see her spread. It's a racing theme, and she's posing in various states of undress in and out of cars and shit. There is something about her, first of all; she's like a sexed-up version of Anna Kendrick, who's pretty goddamn sexy in her own right. And moreso than any of the other Playmates, she wears clothing that pops out her tits, or is moved just so so we can peek at her pussy. This is a perverted pictorial, one where the clothes aren't draped around the female body parts so much as pulled to expose them, like Arce isn't supposed to be naked but she wants to show you her naughty bits while no one else is looking. Finally, many of the photos of her show her with sunglasses on, and I have to say that that makes her even sexier because it ... I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way ... de-humanizes her. When you can't see her eyes, it makes it a lot easier to just see her ample bosom and beautiful hips and glistening cunt. You don't see a woman in those photographs; you see a sex object. And Arce seemed more than willing to play that role in horny men's eyes, which is a daring revelation I haven't seen in many years in Playboy.
So it should've been Arce. Alas, it is not. Oh well, congratulations to Kennedy Summers, 2014 Playmate of the Year and aspiring doctor.
And, say it with me, class: Of course, I'd fuck all of them.
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