Well, the big day's tomorrow. I've been told that everything is squared away, which means it obviously isn't. But I don't know what to do because I'm scared that I'll do something wrong if I don't do something but I'm just as scared that I'll do something wrong if I do do something. Tomorrow is going to suck.
And it would help if I'm able to bounce ideas off of my VP. But he's busy getting on with his life and, basically, doing stuff away from me. We're not best buds or anything, so I'm not saying that he should be by my side every day. But this week? Uh, yeah. However, he can't; he just moved, he got married, he bought a house and he's moving up north. So the VP is not going to be around for the most important weekend of the club's calendar.
Before I spiral down my tornado of self-pity, I will have to say that he told me all of these plans a few months ago. Also, this event initially was to have taken place last week, so if that were still the case, he would have been around. I think. OK, with all that said, a part of me, frankly, is upset at what he's doing or not doing. You know, this is kind of important, man, and it'd be nice if someone else could help out and be part of the decision-making, because sure as fuck don't know what to do.
But there's another part that thinks that this is the end result of my failure as President. I got this job because only he and I showed up, and he was more worried than I that he would be able to plan things. I told everybody flat out that I don't think I would have the ability to grow this club as it should be tended to. I still got it, and he is my wingman.
Nevertheless I feel bad that I've done only the bare minimum of what this position requires of me. And even though the VP heard me say that I wouldn't be much good, I think that's where I lost him, and where he started to, well, not do his job to the best of his capabilities, either. The first, and maybe big, thing I did/didn't do is not hold regular meetings. We're supposed to update "the board" on what's happening, how are finances, what events we need to plan, etc. I knew from the outset that we're not meeting monthly. I don't have the time. Plus, I don't have time for events, if we can't plan events, what's the use of meeting? Shoot, the previous Prez didn't hold regular meetings, either (although he did more than I have).
When we actually came around to talking about things -- and it may have had something to do with last year's party, where I got undermined -- he kind of let me know he didn't like that. He said something to the effect of, "I don't feel like I'm in the loop, and if this club needs to have things be done, well, we should talk about it." And I agreed with him because I agree with him. And then life got in the way, and so I think we had two more meetings, total. I texted him some more, but that was it.
We meet at a restaurant for games. When it started out, lo so many years ago, he and I were the only two to show up virtually every week. This year, however, he started to not. And for the big games to finish last year, he called me and said he and his fiancee had to visit folks out-of-state, so he wouldn't be there. To be fair, he was the only to show up when he had a game earlier in the season. But without him, it was just me. I wonder if I was more of an actual President he would have worked around it. Well, probably not; he was about to get married, and so maybe he needed to break the news to his family over the holidays. But maybe not.
And now we get to here. I think they are just relaxing at their new place over the weekend. Guess they could drive all the way down here. Yes, they could. Yesterday I think I saw a Facebook picture of the view from his backdeck, a cup of coffee posed still life-style nestled in the unfocused forest spooling infinitely behind it. Yeah, I wouldn't want to leave that, either ... but I would to help out his Prez for a weekend.
See, I want to be mad at him, but I don't know what to see if he wants to hurl accusations of, "Well, you're not doing anything! Why they hell should I come down?" And I would just stammer something like, "Well, uh ..." and then hold my penis in my hand because I couldn't think of anything else to say. That is where that kind of conversation would go, so I don't even bother starting it.
So here I am. Everybody I know seems to be copasetic about it, and maybe there is nothing to worry about. But I'll be going to Taco Bell and exercising and I know I'll get blindsided by something really bad, and I won't know what to do about it. Someone else in on the planning could help me see that. But he's tearing away from the board, the club, and me. Did I drive him away?
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