Before I begin, I want to take one last look at what is supposed to be the nadir of the length of the WMNSS for a long while. Fall's beginning soon. Believe it or not, the college sports season begins this weekend when soccer starts; for the survey's purposes, that means that the University of Minnesota women's soccer team will be ensconced as a third item. The week after that the Gopher football comes aboard, then the Vikings come the week after that, and we're ramping up the busy season, all the way until March. This week's putatively barren survey is somewhat busy, since there is very heavy news concerning the Vikes, who have you to play a meaningful game yet. But the WMNSS is still manageable now; writing this in the middle of the winter will be hell, and I'll look fondly at the survey when I can do it quickly and with some justice.
#-1: Vikings (Re-Entry!). When the team that is tops in the survey for the week loses a starting player for the year, you know that times are now tough, very, very, tough, for the local sports scene. But yet, they are the only team to be above .500 for the week. Yeah, it was an exhibition win over Tampa Bay (and by the way, Jameis Winston did not look that bad in that game; that one drive where he dove the ball in for the Touchdown was pretty good), and really, that doesn't count. But really, the other two teams' weeks were way worse than what the Vikes experienced, losing Right Tackle Phil Loadholt, aka The Load, for the rest of the season because of a torn Achilles. Their Offensive Line was downright shitty last year, and now they lose one of their few starters. Then again, Loadholt was part of the line that was awful last season, so maybe this is an improvement. As for Teddy Bridgewater, he was the efficient game manager the Vikes are making him out to be. Maybe he has the decision-making to be a difference-maker, but right now, on this one game, he made all the right moves before he was yanked.
But still, needing to retool an already-retooled O-line? Geez, that sucks.
#-2: Twins (Last Week: -2). The more I write this, the more this becomes my least favorite WMNSS of all-time. They fail to sweep The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0 on Thursday, then they get their only two victories of their screening week in winning their series against Cleveland at Target Field (the first time they have won back-to-back series since the All-Star Break), but then go to the Bronx and promptly put on the ball gag and spread their anuses wide open for those goddamn Yankee oppressors to put their dicks in them, three times in a row. The most submissive of these was the bullpen, which was touted as a strength earlier this year, and stupid me came around to believe that, even though I should have stuck to my guns in the pre-season in thinking it remained an Achilles' heel. They blew leads in all three games -- has that ever happened before? Wait, what am I saying? Of course it's happened before. It's the Twinks, and they're playing the Yankees.
Do you know how fucking shameful this is? Some Triple-A call-up whose been with the Yanks only a week named Greg Bird hit two Home Runs yesterday (Wednesday). The Pitcher who got shook up by a minor-leaguer was Ervin Santana, who has been shit since he was allowed to pitch with the club. We waited as Santana did an 80 game-bit for drugs for this bullshit? And there's something seriously, seriously wrong with Glen Perkins, who has an ERA of, like, 80 since the ASG. Reports say he'll avoid the Disabled List; knowing Twinks fans, he's probably safest there.
They have a four-game series at Baltimore they start today (Thursday). Then they begin a three-game series against the Tampa Bay Rays Tuesday. God, I'm done trying to figure out this fucking team.
#-3: Lynx (Last Week: -1). OK, something is now very, very wrong with the Jynx. First, they had to come back from double digits to be the Dream in Atlanta. They then laid in egg in Washington. After that, Head Coach Cheryl Reeve met with Maya Moore, Lindsay Whalen, Seimone Augustus and Rebekkah Brunson in a private meeting to discuss just what the hell is going on. It took 3 1/2 hours, so long that they had to skip practice.
Closed-door meetings like that usually means the team will come up with vim and vigor the next game. Guess what? They scored ten fucking points in the third quarter and the Mystics took the other fucking game of the home-and-home Wednesday night, by 18 points. EIGHTEEN FUCKING POINTS?!?!?! This club has now lost four out of their past seven games. Also, even though they remain the only team to have clinched a playoff spot, they technically have lost the best record in the WNBA to New York. It is for those reasons, although it's mostly for that absolute after-meeting shit show they put out last (Wednesday) night that prompts me to place this team underneath the Twinks this week.
What the fuck is wrong with this team? If you respond after a closed-door panic session with a blowout loss, I ... I don't know what to say. Except I'll make this prediction this right now: The Jynx, who went all-in on winning the championship this year, won't. And it'll be absolutely fucking embarrassing.
And now they go on the road to play San Antonio and Phoenix this week. Goddammit, I'm done trying to figure out this fucking team, too!
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