Not to say that I have been ungrateful going to my psychiatrist. But today was the first session where I had an epiphany, one of those things I always thought you would get when you go to a psychiatrist.
Not to get too bogged down in it, but the reason I am paralyzed with my career and life choices now has to do with -- tada! -- my parents. Their constant nagging, criticizing and judging made me unable and unwilling to do anything for fear I would be doing something wrong, and thus reaping their wrath. So now, whenever someone innocently gives me advice, I instinctively go back to when I was a kid getting yelled at for doing something or for not doing something, and I don't do it. It's my parents' fault!
So my psychiatrist has told me to stop, think and talking myself through it: Am I not doing it because I really don't want to, or because I'm afraid my parents will disapprove? That is something I need to work on, because that may be the one through-line, the one thing that might tie all of my problems together. If I can fix this, maybe I can fix everything else in my life!
No comments:
Post a Comment