Friday, December 9, 2022

Laugh It Up, Garbagemen

OK, so ****e* got done cleaning my house last night, and after I felt up her new titties and sucked on her nipples, I had a choice of whether I would go out and have a beer or stay home and ... do something.  I decided on the latter because I went out for a beer the previous night and I would have, at best, 45 minutes to quaff a beer or a cider, and that wasn't worth going out.  But I kind of just ... well, doomscrolled and did a whole lot of nuttin' until I got tired.

What I forgot to do was put out the trash and recycling.  When I slowly lolled around when I got up at around 7:30 yesterday/Thursday morning, I realized as much, and then decided not to dart out there and roll both bins down the driveway.  I am kind of paralyzed right now; I know I have to start packing, but I don't know where to start, plus I wanted to see Grandmother's friend (more on that in an upcoming blog post -- hopefully), plus I wanted to shave.  All the stuff made me think about whether I could do it all, and if so, in what order.  So I just laid in bed until I absolutely had to get up and go.

Once I finally decided I was going to get a shave first, I grabbed the remaining recyclables in the paper bag I store underneath the kitchen counter and went out to dump those in that bin, then bring both that bin and the trash bin down to the end of my driveway.  But just as I stepped out, I saw the garbage truck roll right across the house.  Oh, shit!  The two garbagemen saw me, and that was my signal to drop the bag, run on the ice and snow of my driveway to the garbage bin, and roll it down so they can pick it up and take my trash away.  But when I grabbed the bin and started hauling ass, the truck sped away.  You fuckers!

But then I paid attention to the side of the truck.  Whoops -- wrong garbage company.  I think we had them before, but we use a different one now.  I'm guessing they saw from their perch high on the garbage truck that my garbage bin is a different color from theirs.  Now, did they have to be so rude about skedaddling?  Probably not, but maybe they were in a rush and it didn't behoove to slow down and tell me they're not the guys picking up my trash.

I looked back at where I dropped my bag of recyclables and gloves.  And then I imagined how I looked from their point-of-view.  And they had to have laughed their asses off once they got back to the garbage dump: "So there was this guy who saw me roll right past his house, and he panics because he thought that we were going to pick up his trash.  So he drops his bag and gloves on the ground and slips over to the bin and starts bringing it down on the driveway.  But then we see it's green and not black, and so we just blew past him!  And he was just standing there with his dick in his hands, that dumbfuck!   Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!  We're so superior to him!!

Ok, that last sentence might have been my self-hate coming out.  But I'm sure they thought I looked funny when I freaked out at seeing them, not realizing they're not my garbage company.  Laugh it up, garbagemen.  You might be a necessity, but you're still fucking garbage.

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