First of all, and I wonder if I just blog posted about this, I got my credit card statement in the mail the other day, and hoo boy, there's a non-zero chance that I will max out my credit card by the time I come home from this vacation. I didn't think I spent that much money, but I did, and on vacations all you do is spend even more money. Fuck me.
Second of all, I am leaving the house on its own for two weeks, in the winter. I have read up on making sure the thermostat is kept on but not too high (I think 62 degrees is just about right) and to open all cabinet doors to help ensure the pipes don't freeze. But it's going to be by itself for two whole weeks, and I have no idea what's going to happen at this house while I'm gone. The pipes could still freeze. Maybe the alarm will go off an hour after I leave for the airport and it'll be ringing the whole goddamn time I'm gone. There could be a leak and the basement cold flood for two entire weeks. And it's possible someone breaks into the house and steals everything. Who knows? Nobody's gonna be here to make sure everything's fine. I hate that, because I am terrified of what condition the house is going to be in when I come back.
Third of all, and this is a corollary to the second of all, I am scared as hell for Father's plants. I still have no idea how and how frequently I need to water his plants, but I'm pretty sure they won't survive two weeks without water. Last night I asked my folks if anybody is going to drop in on the house and make sure it's standing while I'm gone. No, they said, that's not the plan. I have half a mind to walk over to my sister's (maybe ex-; it's complicated) best friend's house mere yards away from us, give her the key to the house, and ask her and her girl to come in and water the plants ... and make sure no one's squatting in my bedroom. I have relatives who live close and I'm fairly sure that not only do my parents not want them to check on the house, they don't want me telling them I'm going on vacation. So these plants, these things My Fucking Father has yelled at me often enough over the years to make me believe he cares more about them than he ever did about me, are just gonna die because my sister's graduating. And there's nothing anyone is going to do about it.
Finally, and this is probably worse than anything, I am spending two solid weeks with my family. My sister and brother-in-law, they're cool, but I think I'll be living with them, and they keep saying their place is really small. The living arrangements have already been made, and I think that I and my folks will be staying with them, and my sis and bro-in-law keep saying it'll be an extremely tight fit. That will only exacerbate any negative feelings that might bubble up between us as we are lashed together for two entire weeks. Yeah, it's a vacation, but another way of looking at it is we're being forced to have fun on multiple occasions every day for (say it with me now) two whole fucking weeks. This damned family has argued on long vacations before and road trips before; how will this be any way different besides the possibility we'll be yelling at each other in flip-flops on Waikiki Beach?
Seriously, the family dynamics are toxic enough that a spark might explode this powder keg of a family. My sister and brother-in-law remain the most normal segment of the family, but they're under the stress of hosting six other people and organizing events for two whole weeks. Mother and Father are their usual fucked-up selves, and they may be even more fucked-up than usual because they're on vacation and will use their status as the elders to get what they want, no matter how expensive or problematic their ask may be. And shit, there's my brother, sister-in-law and niece. I am convinced that all they do is fight with each other. I can't imagine it getting any better when they're stuck together with each other and the rest of us goblins for two solid motherfucking weeks.
Now, consider that, and then consider that I don't like most of these people and will be set off based on one nasty comment, and then you'll possibly understand how afraid I am that this "vacation" will go sideways. By that I mean that if one of my parents ask if I have a girlfriend yet, I might throw my drink in their faces. And if My Asshole Brother gives me the silent treatment when I need to ask him something, I might take a knife and slash him across the face to let him know I won't be ignored. I am dead serious that there is a non-zero chance that one member of this family doesn't survive the vacation. By Day 12 of this traveling disaster I could kill someone, or someone could kill me. But I'm not going to say it can't happen.
All this bullshit is what I have to look forward to on vacation. Now, I'm sure that if I was planning this vacation -- if I wanted to go to Hawai'i -- I would feel different about all this. Maybe my bad thoughts and violent ideations over this vacay revolves around my umbrage that someone else planned this trip and not me -- that, moreover, I am being summoned at the behest of another, even if it is my sweet and smart sister, even if it is to Hawai'i. I don't like to be told what to do, even if it is going on a vacation to somewhere warm in the middle of winter.
So this is what I have to look forward to. Oh, and I need to buy swim trunks. Double oh, and I have to prepare for a family photo shoot on the beach. I have no idea why we need to hire Glamour Shots to document this graduation, but we are. And each family segment will get a mini-photo shoot, which means there's my sis and bro-in-law, my parents, my bro and sis-in-law and niece ... and me. Just me? Really? And I still have to pose for this when I don't have anybody to take a photograph with? Isn't that ... pathetic? Do I have to treat this like my senior photoshoot, because I never did a senior photoshoot. And what is taking pictures of me going to entail? Am I going to, like, pose next to a rack of surfboards or something? Jesus fucking Christ, this is going to be awkward as fuck. ...
No comments:
Post a Comment