She told my sister that this would be my first time driving in a new island, and I would be unfamiliar with where I am going, and it's a night, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Yesterday she saw me try and park a minivan into a tight space in my sister and brother-in-law's parking garage and need help from My Fucking Father to pull it in. My Fucking Mother went on and on about it, so my sister typically did an el foldo and told me to get out of the driver's seat. And I did, just like a fucking cuck, just like I have every single time I've "listened" to My Fucking Mother.
I feel pathetic admitting this, but that was the time I realized she has pulled this shit on me all my life. She has always, always believed I couldn't do anything, and that I would do something wrong, so she would tell me not to do it, and I have listened to her. This is the damage that made me who I am.
If I write any more, I probably would either start sobbing uncontrollably or run up to where My Fucking Mother is sleeping and kill her. So I just displaced my anger and hurt and has just masturbated for the first time on this trip. I couldn't really enjoy it because I couldn't really "let go" because I didn't want to the splooge all over the sink and toilet because my family is going to use this half-bath.
I need to talk to my shrink.
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