#0: United FC (Last Week: -2). It might be a bit jarring to see the Loons, who are still a middle-of-the-road team, taking the top spot in this Week's survey. But I went to Saturday's Match, and their 3-0 demolition of a pretty good Colorado Rapids outfit may have been the most complete Game I have seen this XI turn in all Year. Kelvin Yeboah braced, and he might be the Striker that everyone from Abu Danladi to Teemu Pukki hasn't quite or yet been for MNUFC. Moreover, even though they are tied on Points with Portland for eighth and ninth in The Western Conference (the two final postseason slots), both teams are a whopping eight Points ahead of FC Dallas.
A postseason birth seems assured, so that's why I am putting these guys above Negative Numbers. Now for the club, I think the goal is to amass more Points and avoid the Play-In Game altogether. That goal is complicated by a busy screening Week for United FC, and they play both Matches on the road against squads ahead of them in the West -- Real Salt Lake Wednesday, Vancouver Saturday. There is one Match after that to end the regular season, but this club could sew up a playoff spot before then ... or send every Twin Cities sports fan into a tailspin worrying if the Loons will pull a Twins (see below).
#-1: Gopher women's hockey (NEW SEASON!!). I don't remember the women's college hockey season ever starting in late September. Maybe it's me, or maybe it's because there's a three-week vacation for the Gophs from December 7 to New Year's Day. Anyhoo, the second-or-third-ranked Gopher women icers kicked off their Year at Connecticut over the weekend and swept both tilts against the Huskies, 4-1 and, in Overtime, 3-2. That 4-1 victory on Friday Head Coach Brad Frost's 500th for his career, so congrats to him.
I read on The Athletic what many people believe to be Canada's Next Great Women's Hockey Player, Defender Chloe Primerano. In a huge injection of excitement into the program, she's a Freshman at the U. And she had an Assist in both contests, apparently a sign of things to come.
This Week brings a big name brand who I don't think has played at Ridder Arena in a long time, if at all: Boston University plays Friday night and Sunday afternoon.
Will they have an easier time against Aaron Rodgers and The New York Jets, which lost at home, 10-9, to Bo Nix and The Denver Broncos, in London Saturday morning to go to 5-0?
#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0). I still don't know if this team's rank of 16th is too high, too low, or just right. They began B1G play Wednesday with a big five-Set Win over then-seventh-ranked Wisconsin in front of a raucous Maturi Pavilion crowd. Unfortunately, they followed that up with a five-Set home Loss at the hands of then-tenth-ranked Purdue. Regardless of how the U. does, it's going to be one hell of a dogfight in the conference for women's volleyball. They are in Los Angeles to take on the Southern California schools this weekend ...
#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3). ... which is where the Golden Gopher soccer squad came from, ironically enough. They came back from a 2-0 First Half deficit to salvage a 2-all tie at my alma mater Thursday on Goals from Khyah Harper (her 13th on the season) and Sophia Boman (her third). But they got blasted yesterday/Sunday afternoon at UCLA, 3-1, as the Bruins scored two Second-Half Goals ten Minutes apart in the Second Half to break a 1-1 tie.
Still, I am encouraged with the Gophs' 2-1-2 (Wins-Draws-Losses) in-conference and 8-2-2 overall records. And they have just one Match this screening Week: They host Northwestern Friday night.
#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: -4). Touch me in the morning and then just walk away -- the Gophers almost pulled off the shocker and beat the Wolverines in The Big House. I saw that the score was 24-3 Michigan when I began driving to downtown for my game-watching event. By the time I noticed the TV at the bar I was at, the Gophs had cut it to 27-17. And when Max Brosmer found Daniel Jackson for a 12-Yard Touchdown Pass to make it a three-Point Game, the entire bar and I paid attention.
Onside Kicks don't work ... but this one did! Oh, my God!! But then the officiating crew threw a flag for Offsides. Minnesota had to re-onside-kick, and this one was smothered by a Wolverine to seal the victory for Michigan. I had initially thought one Gopher's arm may have been in front of the Line Of Scrimmage when the ball was kicked, but I have seen several replays and still since then, and now I don't see that. If that's the case, the Gophers got fucking hosed of a chance to kick a late Field Goal and send the Game into Overtime. And that's why I put these guys only third-from-last: Injustice.
They host my alma mater Saturday night.
#-6: Lynx (Last Week: -1). Well, fuck. I thought that the Lynx won their season series with Connecticut this Year. Turns out the Sun won two-of-three. And goddammit, they took Game 1 of their Semifinals series last/Sunday night by three.
I don't know if I've talked about this before, but I have a rule: If a team is celebrating a player before a Game for winning an award such as Most Valuable Player or, in Napheesa Collier's case last/Sunday night, Defensive Player Of The Year, that team will lost that Game. I don't think it's about the other club showing out to prove they're not going to be steamrolled; I think it's more a case that the recipient's team relaxes from the good vibes pre-Game and can't get it back on track. And it cost them dearly in Game 1, even though the Sun may be a superior team on Defense.
It's over. Blah-blah-blah over beating Phoenix in the Quarterfinal series and sending Diana Taurasi into retirement. Connecticut is about to send the Lynx, who had as good a chance of winning the WNBA title as any other squad, into retirement for the season. Goddammit!!!
#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: -5). And speaking of goddammit, fuck these Twins for completing the most humiliating collapse in recent Minnesota sports history. I am such a dumbass for touting for the longest time how safe their spot in the postseason was. The Twinks were 17 Games above .500 on August 17. But they went 12-27 to finish the regular season, including losing two-of-three vs. Miami and getting swept at the hands of The Bastard St. Louis Browns (and they were home this screening Week, by the way) and they're heading off to Cancun with a record of 82-80.
And yesterday/Sunday afternoon -- in the middle of the Vikings Game against the Packers, the sports equivalent of a Friday political news dump -- the front office announced that Rocco Baldelli will return as Manager and then the owner announced that Derek Falvey and Thad Levine will return as, respectively, President of Baseball Operations and Senior Vice-President & General Manager. I know that things got real ugly over the weekend. Many people were holding signs that were being confiscated and many others were wearing shirts upbraiding the Twins for their choke job, of which one was, if I saw this on Twitter/X right, was told by security to leave the ballpark. I just wished that the fans that decided to pay their good money to watch this shit said "Sell The Team!" instead of just "Fire Rocco!" I understand that Managers get fired over seasons like this, but we all know that 2024 was pretty much damned to play out like this because the Pohlads declared that they would cut payroll. They added no one of note, not during the off-season and especially not during the Trade Deadline. The Twinks entrusted that their (cheap) Rookies and newcomers would get the job done, and they didn't, and everybody could see that.
And it feels as though next Year will bring about more of the same. And so, if the fanbase wants to prove they're not a bunch of beta cucks, they'll either not show up and sell out Opening Day, or they'll show up some other day are start raining down boos or start chanting "Sell The Team!" This penny-pinching, half-ass way to operate a baseball club has got to stop, and Twinks fans have to bite the bullet and stop coming to Target Field if they really want something to change.
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