Up-And-Down Day At Work

OK, I invoice at my current job.  And I left work yesterday with a few invoices in this ... uh, software that I couldn't get out for some reason.  That made me dread and thus hate going back there.

It got worse, but not because of those stuck invoices.  Actually, the guy sitting in the cubicle next to mine helped me; he didn't really solve the problem so much as find a way around it.  I actually felt a sense of relief, but it didn't last long.  First I got an e-mail from a woman who pointedly demanded invoices that I didn't have.  I think she wasn't just upset about that, but was also upset that I had not responded to her first e-mail from last week.

That was what I was kind of going through in the morning: Reading all the e-mails and printing out all the tickets to which I would create invoices.  And there were a lot.  I mean, a lot.  But what really fucked me over is the fact that most of these invoices are for the prior week -- August 28 to September 1.  I don't know if this is best practices (to use a white-collar office term that I hate), but I was told I needed to separate August and September charges.  I forgot that wrinkle this afternoon when I started invoicing, so I had to ask the person next to me how to erase the invoices I already made.  He told me to just delete them.  I still am wary about it; I told my co-worker that it's frustrating to feel as though that I can't come back if I make an innocent step.  I get the feeling that I'm creating a snail trail of papers that I'm not accounting, and that will boomerang on me before this is all over, but really, I was so fucking pissed at how little progress I made that at that point that, frankly, I don't care.  I just want to get this done.

Things got better through the late afternoon.  I printed out all the things I needed to print out.  Better yet, I got a handle (even though I'm not completely done) of the companies whose charges straddle the turn of the month.  Best of all, I started invoicing companies for stuff in August, just like yesterday, and I was able to print.  Don't know what the deal was yesterday, but I'll just count my blessings.

So I feel as though I can muddle through the rest of the week.  There are some invoices from companies I haven't even heard of, but I think I'll just ask what I need to do with them.  Hopefully I won't forget any more steps that I have to backtrack from, I'll push out all the invoices I can tomorrow, and even though I'm not supposed to, I'll get the rest done Friday.  Besides, I am only supposed to work 30 hours a week; if I can't get it done, hey, what can I do?

I know this means I'll have a shitty day tomorrow.  I guarantee it.

Expenses Without Receipt

Starting from Monday, September 4:

• The last day of the Minnesota State Fair is always bittersweet.  Yet I make it a point to go there because I want to honor both the end of the Fair and its symbolism signaling The Death Of Summer.  There were a lot of people there, but it dwindled rapidly around the 7 o'clock hour.  And there weren't as many kids milling around the Midway, trying to hold on to summer as much as they can anymore.  I think the police presence and the flood lights made them scatter.  I took this as one last opportunity to pig out.  This was the only one of the three days where I went just for the Fair itself; I went on Tuesday for the John Mellencamp concert, while on Thursday my main purpose was to help out at my organization's booth.  So I finally could focus on eating.  And, wittingly or unwittingly, I used Andrew Zimmern's list of his favorite Fair foods when he went on The Today Show the first day of the Fair to find foods I would eat.  And a couple of them have been at the Fair for years: The turkey leg at the Texas Steak-Out and a Gizmo.  I also had a few new foods: The One Bad Dog from this hot dog place inside the Food Building, Bauhaus' Shandlot summer beer (very fruity), and the Breakfast Bake from the Blue Barn in the West End Market.  That Bake was the last of five things I ate at the Fair over the course of 2 1/2 hours, and once I started eating very slooooooooooooooowly, that's when I realized my limit.  I'm surprised I didn't shit out my guts before work this morning.  The total amount I spent on the last day of the Minnesota State Fair on food and drink: $43.
• And I remembered to hit the U. building to buy discounted tickets to one men's basketball and two men's hockey games.  Could have charged it, but Sunday afternoon at the Lynx game I took out money that I didn't totally spend at Choice that evening, so I figured I would give my credit card a break.  Then again, I charged a shirt from the DFL kiosk that had Minnesota colored blue surrounded by Wisconsin, Iowa and the Dakotas, all in red, with the words, "Don't Blame Us."  Had to get it, but I couldn't pay cash for it even though I had it in my wallet.  Hmmm.  Anyway, the tickets cost a total of: $40.
• Sunday the 4th ... So I started the day hoping to see this All-Ireland Curling Final or something.  I saw The Local advertise it, so I went downtown.  But I stopped when I saw a sign that said there would be a $20 admission fee in order to watch.  I didn't want to get blindsided by a cover, so even though I would be back out on the road less than half an hour to go to the soccer games at Robbie Stadium, I turned tail and ran.  Turns out that their Facebook said there would be a charge.  Maybe I should have checked there, too.  Anyway, I wasted a drive going downtown, but I went to a soccer game, but not a Gopher soccer game, at least not a complete one.  It didn't occur to me to check to see if there are other teams playing in the Minnesota Classic besides the U.  Turns out there are: Cal-Santa Barbara, the team that beat the Golden Gophers Friday, was playing an 11 o'clock game against Iowa, which apparently did not play a game on Friday.  (Meanwhile, the second match of this Sunday afternoon doubleheader had the Gopher playing Providence, who also did not play Friday.  So there were two teams that stuck around this weekend and two teams that did not?  So the Providence women's soccer program just flew out to Minnesota for just one match?  Could they not have played the Hawkeyes Friday?)  Anyway, because of that, the Gopher match was delayed to 1:30, and at any rate I decided I had to leave at 2 because I really wanted to see the Lynx's last-ever game at Xcel Energy Center, so I left with a third of the First Half remaining.  I bought a hot dog and a Coke inbetween matches and enjoyed it in the shade because it was reaching the mid-eighties, I was sitting on bleachers with the sun beating down on me, and I was still wearing full-length pants, stupid me.  Total: $10.
• I went home after the Lynx game, took a nap, got up, watched the only two college football games going on (both barnburners, including that ridiculous comeback by UCLA) while preparing for my fantasy football draft at night.  After all that was done, I went out.  Man, I'm glad to have the house to myself; that way I can walk out of the house after midnight to do whatever the fuck I want without anybody even knowing.  So I went to Choice for the first time in a long time, and I have to say it was a dud.  No one touched my pee-pee there, even in the midst of no other male customers there.  Cover, tips, one dance from Candy and three from that tease Sabrina: $100.
• But at the LD area I found some loose change.  Don't mind if I do!  Since it was so dark I couldn't make out how much was there, but I will just say it was a quarter and two dimes, so that's an Infusion of: 45 cents.
• On Saturday the 2nd I think I only had one EWR: Pumping some money into our club's 50/50 Raffle.  I was somewhat disappointed in our turnout for the first game of what shapes up to be a promising year.  Don't know if it's because we had to go to a new venue or if the opponent wasn't a big name, but only familiar names came.  Still love them, but I thought there would be more people, at least to play the 50/50: $10.
• To Friday the 1st ... since I was going to take my parents out to the airport very early Saturday morning, I figure I would have to get the car cleaned.  The people who helped me went one step beyond.  One dude opened up the trunk to see all the stuff that's back there, including a blanket I used on the farm in Cerulean, Kentucky to watch the total eclipse, so there was grass and straw all over it.  At first the guy charged me an extra three bucks because he opened up and was about to clean the trunk.  So I figured that if I had to pay an extra $3, let's see if he can clean up that blanket a bit.  So the guy, with two other ladies, spent a good, oh, five minutes taking those hose vacuums and trying to sweep up every piece of grass and straw that was stuck to my pink blanket.  And damn if they didn't get nearly all of it off!  I threw in an extra two bucks' tip because of their effort.  Now I don't have to risk putting the blanket in the wash just so I can get the grass and straw off.  I've never put a five-dollar bill in this place's tip jar before (I charged the car wash), but I figured this is the right time: $5.
• I made it to the library in time to remember that the alumni association needed me to print out, sign, scan and send back the charter I thought I had already printed out, signed, scanned and sent back.  Glad I did it before the Labor Day Holiday: 10 cents.
• Thursday, August 31 was the night (after work) where I went to the State Fair to help my organization out.  I was too late leaving work and got caught up with afternoon traffic to stick to my original plan, which was to walk around and eat before my shift began.  Luckily, my partner, who runs the group, let me take 15 minutes to get this new maple cream nitro cold press coffee to keep me going.  And damn, it was good!  And after we closed up I walked around the Fair some more, getting a Pronto Pup and a Minneaple Pie with cinnamon ice cream.  Total: $17.50.
• Back on Tuesday the 29th I was also at the Fair, this time to see John Mellencamp.  I'm not much of a concert fan, but after Chris Cornell committed suicide I realized that the artist who make the music I've loved all my life aren't getting any younger.  (There was a week where both Paul McCartney and Fleetwood Mac played Target Center.  I've always wanted to see them both live, but for some reason I didn't go.  They may never be back here again.)  I've been a huge Mellencamp fan ever since I was young, so I wasn't going to miss the chance to see him.  His set list is exactly the same as his from virtually the start of his tour, but his voice is still intact.  Anyway, I charged the ticket for that, and I got there early enough to walk around and get what appears to be The Rookie Food Of The Year, this mole tamale from Tejas Express.  It also was good!  Also, through social media recommendation, I got a WarPigs Brewing Lauzerite cup.  With tip for the beer: $16.25.
• Sunday the 27th -- hmmm, I don't recall going to a Caribou/Einstein on a Sunday.  Anyway, I bought a small Brownie Coffeeless Cooler.  Minus trivia, plus tip: $6.25.
• To Saturday, August 26, where I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) because of my ATFs texted me saying she was there.  I haven't seen her in a while, and lately, whenever she texted me saying she's hosted a party I have said no, so it was time for me to see her and get a lapper from her.  I stuck around after shift change because there was a new chick that was hot enough to compel me to stay for a bit.  With tips and coffee the damage comes out to: $33.75.
• Then I went to Glam Doll for a donut and a pourover coffee.  I'm such a regular here that they gave me a donut to go.  Buddha bless them.  Oh yeah, they gave me the first donut free, too!  With tip for my coffee: $3.69.
• So Friday, August 25 was the last day of my eclipse trip in St. Louis.  I stayed at a pretty decent hotel there, even though the owner accused me of asking for a smoking room when I don't smoke.  Anyway, I had hung the No Disturb sign on the door handle pretty much from the moment I got there, and no one came in the four days I was there.  Good.  So I left a buck for each of the days as a thanks: $4.
• I know I shouldn't have done it, but I went to this jack shack I specifically go down to the STL for, even though it meant going east before I had to head north.  It was so quick that I didn't get a beer; I just paid my cover and made a beeline towards A***** so she could give me a handjob and kiss my dick.  Twenty bucks off because no fucking; either she was having her period or she was otherwise not feeling like having sex.  Total: $83.
• My midway pitstop on the way home was in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where, because of the site Roadfood, I had to go to two places, both about a mile apart on the same road.  Because I got there so late, I had to pick up a poppyseed, a fig, and a lemon kolache from Sykora Bakery before they closed at 7 before I went down the street to eat their pork tenderloin sandwich.  I stored them in the fridge and didn't even eat them until several days later; wish I had them as soon as I got home, or even at the bakery itself.  Charged the kolaches, but I threw in a tip of $1.
• Thursday the 24th: After the Cardinals game I went inside; hey, I was allowed to park there, might as well show them some appreciation and go in.  The craps tables were all $10 minimums, so I just played slots.  I think I also tipped a waitress for bringing me a drink, even though I don't remember where.  Total: $10.
• I then went across the Mississippi to the Casino Queen (my second time this trip) because I was determined to play some craps.  And I lost, big-time.  You know, gambling this time around was a total dud.  I broke even playing a slot machine one time up at Argosy on the Monday, but other than that, I lost my shirt.  Not fun at all.  With the shit I lost at slots: $55.
• At that point I was determined to do something productive out of a night where my Cards lost and lost money.  So, possibly against common sense, I went to Coffee Cartel, the 24-hour coffeehouse in town, to work on catching up on balancing my checkbook.  With tip for a medium mocha, I believe, I spent: $6.21.
• Wednesday, August 23 ... one of the things I've always wanted to do in the area and have never done is to go see St. Charles, on the other side of the Missouri River.  St. Charles was the first capital of the state of Missouri, and people boast about its quaintness.  I finally, through a pair of truncated trips, had the means (it wasn't too far from my hotel and I had some mornings to myself) to go up there and walk around, and yep, it is a neat place.  I also wanted to stop by an ATM, of which I heard some of them were no-fee from my debit card.  Turns out that's not true, and if I remember, I'll blog about them later.  One of those supposed no-fee ATMs was at this bar in St. Charles called Lloyd and Harry's.  I stopped to get a Bud Light for Happy Hour before I tried getting money, but when I saw that the owner of the ATM tacked on a fee, I passed.  With tip for the Bud Light I paid: $3.
• This was the evening of the first of back-to-back Cardinals games I went to.  This is the one they won.  I charged everything this game except for the tip for the aluminum bottle of Bud Select: $1.
• I did a lot of mental planning; what do I want to do in the Loo, and when should I do it?  I figured that I needed to get money even if I did have to pay a fee, so after the game (immediately after, and I thinking back, there wasn't a whole lot of traffic I had to fight) I drove south of town to find a Walgreen's -- which impose a fee on the ATM I finally pulled money from.  It was on the way to Ted Drewes, a place I always stop by whenever I'm in town: $5.65.
• This was the night where I decided to hit the two westernmost casinos in St. Louis, both of which were not too far from my hotel.  First was Ameristar, where I just did -- and lost -- slots: $6.
• And then I went to Hollywood Casino where I also hit the slot machine and I also lost: $6.
• Tuesday the 22nd was one of those days where, if I went to this stripclub to get jerked off, it would have alleviated the rest of my schedule so I could have more room to do the things I wanted to do.  However, I really wanted to go to Fairmount Park, a quaint, almost-dying racetrack in the metro area for a second time.  This track is open to live racing only in the summer, and only on Saturdays and Tuesdays.  Moreover, in a move I think is totally ass-backwards, races on Saturdays start in the evening and those on Tuesdays start in the afternoon.  "Horse Hooky Tuesdays," they call it, I think.  Does that make sense, only courting people who don't work during the day?  That's why the crowd was relatively small.  So were most of the fields; three of the seven races didn't offer money for Show.  I don't think that's a good sign of the health of a horserace track.  Anyway, I won my first horseracing ticket since American Pharoah (sp.?) completed the Triple Crown.  And it was an Exacta, too!  That somewhat defrayed the cost of admission (which, admittedly, was only $1.50), my hot dog, (only a buck), the program, the beer for the chick in the bustier who wouldn't give me the time of day, the tip to said chick, and all the tickets on the losers I bet on.  All told, I got out of there spending only: $6.95.
• And yet I don't count all the Powerball tickets I bought there.  Father asked me on this trip to buy him three Powerball tickets for the huge jackpot that was won that Wednesday in each state I drove through from Sunday to Wednesday.  I got these from the state of Illinois.  And I bought a couple for myself, too.  Total, five tickets for: $10.
• After the races I went to the stripclub.  I was going to sneak in for a little bit, but a little bit turned into a lot bit because my ATF, A*****, was there.  And even though I still don't think she knows my real name, we chatted it up bigtime.  As usual we snuck into a corner, where she glided her hands above my pants to get me hard.  And when she did, and she knew it, that's when we went behind the curtain.  She fucked me, and I wanted her to get off of me once I thought I was going to cum because I wanted her to jack me off.  But then I didn't, so I had to do it myself, and I got sad because I couldn't get it up anymore.  I should have told A***** to continue to fuck me.  Oh, well.  She gave me a nice massage after we got done, too -- helped get all the kinks out of the previous day's long roadtrip.  With cover (which was only two bucks this day compared to three on Friday), a Bud Light and tips and it all came out to: $129.
• I eschewed a Cardinals game this night (good thing, they got trounced by the Padres) so I could go to the Hooters in Fairview Heights because two of the girls there competed at the Hooters pageant.  I don't think I saw either of them working there, but the girls that were working were nonetheless hot.  That got me warmed up for Scarlett's Cabaret, the strip club formerly known as Hollywood Show Club.  Heard that the change in ownership has reinvigorated the place, and even on a Tuesday night that was true.  The non-stop porn is gone and the girls have gotten better, and I think they all now wear gowns as a required dress code.  I got two bed dances and three couch dances with a hot and nice girl named Natalie, who was working her first day there and didn't know the prices any better than I did.  Unfortunately, she didn't touch my wee-wee, and I was OK with it because I was similarly intimidated about what the new rules are.  Didn't get a drink there at all, not one, thank goodness.  With cover and tipping Natalie onstage the total amount of my quick trip to Scarlett's was: $161.
• Since I had nowhere to be the next morning, I decided that this would be the night I would go to Coffee Cartel and try and put a serious dent in the years-long backlog of account withdrawal receipts I've accumulated.  I know I should have stayed on top of it, and right now, with no monthly balances mailed on hand (they're all in storage) or way to keep track of expenses I've pulled out of my accounts, this is totally inaccurate.  And that's not even accounting for the fact that I don't have checks and probably won't ever use them again.  But I keep them, and I've always intended to record them on my ledger.  So I took upwards of six hours, till daybreak, to go through one whole register, chronologically (or at least as best I could) taking each receipt and writing down, without other debits, how much money I theoretically have.  I did not remember that I was in the middle of one ledger when I stopped catching up on my receipts (which, ironically, was the last time I was at Coffee Cartel, which was the last time I went to STL), and somehow redid all the receipts that I had already listed in this half-finished ledger.  So I wasted the first half of that ledger and, to make up for it, filled out the back half of it before leaving.  Doing that probably was another 90 minutes, two hours of straight writing.  So of course I needed the largest tub of rocket fuel I could buy, a large mocha which, with tip, came out to: $6.99.
• Monday, August 21 ... ah, I'll remember this day for a long time.  I woke up so early in the morning to not only check out of the hotel I used credit card points to stay for free two nights, but to also make my sojourn to The Point Of Greatest Eclipse, Cerulean, Kentucky.  I actually got to within about 400 yards to the west of it; the exact point seems to be underneath a telephone pole and had a "No Trespassing" sign on it, so I had to go to the nearest place where I could park.  That would be a farm, whose wide field about 40 cars parked in so we could see the total eclipse in one of the two, uh, great points on Earth.  There was a farm, by the way, that also allowed parking, but for $100.  Good God.  At this place, with shade from their trees, I only had to pay a relative bargain of: $20.
• This evening, even after a tiring drive back to the Loo, I drove up to Alton, something I always do every time I take this trip.  I do two things up in this beautiful river town: Go to the Argosy (where, like I said, I broke even pulling a slot machine once) and going to The Pub Room, a bar where the bartenders flash their boobs for money.  That hasn't happened to me the last several times I've dropped by (even though a girl was working in a bikini a couple years ago), but every time I go there in the hopes of receiving a miracle.  Didn't happen this time, either, and it probably won't ever again.  That's because The Pub Room has been re-styled as The Attic, and the lights in the bar have been turned up.  They have started tearing it down, too, and the bartender said it was part of a remake, not just in terms of decor but in culture, too.  "No more tips for tits," is basically what she said, and even though she was really nice, there is now no reason for me to go to The Attic.  So what do I do now?  Coors Light with tip: $3.75.
• Sunday, August 20 -- I didn't see a "Do Not Disturb" sign in my first hotel.  So, just in case someone was going to come in and clean up, I threw a buck on one of the pillows.  I went out to ... where did I go?  Anyway, I came back and I saw everything in immaculate condition -- and the buck was gone.  I don't mind housekeeping if nothing is stolen: $1.
• On Saturday the 19th I went to the Iowa State Fair.  I didn't realize until late in the week that it was going on; if I knew, I would have told AAA to alter my trip down from the quicker route through Cedar Rapids and instead take a detour to Des Moines instead.  I've heard a lot of great things about this, and if there ever was going to be a time I would be able to go, it would be this time.  Now, I am biased, but it looks as though the Iowa State Fair is smaller (attendance for this fair is significantly smaller than the one for Minnesota), less organized, and poorer; their grandstand concert series didn't have Sam Hunt or Phantogram or Usher, like ours does.  But it was still really nice.  Saw the Buttered Cow sculpture, something you have to see at the Iowa State Fair.  I also got a pork-chop-on-a-stick -- two of them, after I realized after eating the first one that the one you have to eat is the one from the Pork Farmers.  There was a large lemonade and garlic cheese curds that were recommended online, too, so I got all those.  I parked on the lot of the Iowa State Capitol, then got the shuttle to the Fair, but the trip cost me two bucks.  Hmmm.  With the ticket, all told, this once-in-a-lifetime trip to the Iowa State Fair cost me: $42.
• Friday, August 18 ... I didn't want to, but I went out after dinner, even though I should have stayed in in preparation for leaving in the morning.  I first went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version), where Madison was there again, and I felt obligated to get a lapdance from her.  She's really nice, but I've gotten several LDs from her, and I think I should cut back.  With coffee and tips: $29.75.
• Then went to Glam Doll -- close to me, I think, not the original one.  With tip: $11.52.

Good through Labor Day.

Dreading Tomorrow

I want to enjoy this day, this Labor Day, this Monday where I don't have to work.  But all I can think about -- all I really could think about since the weekend began, and even since Friday, when I didn't have to work -- is work tomorrow.  My training is done, and the person who trained me (the person, in fact, I'm replacing on an interim basis) is officially done.  There are a host of things I need to do, and frankly, half of the stuff, the stuff she told me about Thursday afternoon, completely went over my head.  It's a lot of Excel stuff, and I think people got the impression (if the person at the temp agency didn't hype me up) that I totally understood everything I needed to do.  I even told my trainer that that shit kind of made my eyes glaze over.

The person I answer to is a scary one.  He's quiet, except that he asks a lot of questions about whether or not I "get it."  I know that come 8 tomorrow morning, he'll come by and say the same thing.  And I'll think about the reports my trainer whipped through on our way out Thursday morning and I'll go, "Uh, sure!" and he'll totally see through me.  I'm so fucked.  And I'm only supposed to be there a month!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1).  I have gone through a little bit of back-and-forth with myself over who really deserves the top spot in this week's survey.  I still am going through it.  But in the end, the U. volleyball team not only winning all three matches in their Diet Coke Classic Friday and Saturday, but sweeping West Virginia, Texas-San Antonio, and Tennessee, was too impressive not to ignore.  It would have put to rest their claim to the head of this list if the Volunteers or Mountaineers were ranked.  Nevertheless, with stumbles from Texas and Washington, they have moved up the AVCA Top 25 Monday from fourth to second.

Next week they will be in Austin, Tex., for the Texas Tournament.  This tourney is unique in that it will be held on Thursday and Friday, and that the Gophers will play two games on Thursday.  Don't know why these games aren't being played Friday and Saturday.  But the two games they play on the same day are against Denver and Texas A&M-Corpus Christi, and the match on Friday is the huge early-season contest many v-ball fans (not just the ones from Minnesota) await: Texas.

#0: Twins (Last Week: -5).  Yes, this is the team that might still deserve to win the screening week.  I cannot imagine the Twins, a team that seemed to have looked for the future at the Trade Deadline, having a better week than the 5-1 they just completed.  It included winning the series at Toronto Sunday and completing a three-game, mid-week sweep of the White Sox, the last game in which was decided by a bases-loaded Hit By Pitch to the Twins' Max Kepler.  After failing to complete a comeback in a 7-6 loss Friday to the Royals, Minnesota set a record for the largest shutout in franchise history by destroying Kansas City last night, 17-0, in which they scored ten runs in the first two innings and chased Royals' Starting Pitcher Onelki Garcia after 1/3 of an inning after shaking him down for the four runs they got in the first.

Better yet, while the Twins have gone just 6-4 over their last ten games (feels as though they've been hotter than that), some of their competitors for ALWC2 have fallen off.  K.C. may have won Friday and they may still win the series with a victory this afternoon, but they've gone 3-7 in their last ten.  Seattle has lost six of ten and the Angels are 5-5.  Baltimore has gotten hot, winning eight of their last ten.  But right now, Minnesota has some breathing room, leading the Angels for ALWC2 by 1 1/2 games.  And don't look now, but because the Yankees have gone 4-6, the Twins are now only a game behind them for ALWC1.  Minnesota is closer to ALWC1 than to missing the postseason.  Couldn't imagine this ballclub being in this position after they got swept by the Dodgers.  Best of all, it feels as though this team has found its personality, and through learning and winning, it feels as though this team likes each other.  I don't know where this will lead, but fans, both diehard and casual, should take a second look at this squad and understand that there is something special, something very organic, in the way they're playing.  Things are coming up Millhouse for the Twins right now.

And so that is why I thought about putting these guys #1 over the volleyball team.  In the end, that loss on Friday is something the v-ballers don't have.  And while it's heart-warming to see the Twins play meaningful games in September -- and to believe they have a shot of winning most of them -- the season is long and it isn't over yet.  So, in a compromise, I put the Gopher volleyball team first and pushed them all the way up to Positive Numbers.  Then I slide the Twins up to 0, because they certainly deserve not to be in negative numbers after the week they had.

Can they continue to put something special together with a three-game series in Tampa Bay starting Labor Night and a return four-game series versus the Royals beginning Thursday?

#-1: Gopher football (Re-Entry!).  The team's oars might not have been rowing in the same direction at the same time -- I have a feeling I'm going to drive Head Coach P.J. Fleck's Row The Boat mantra into the bottom of the sea, and there's another analogy -- but a Gopher head football coach won his first game with the U. for the first time since John Gutekunst debuted with a win over Bowling Green in 1986.  It wasn't pretty -- 17-7 at TCF Bank Stadium Thursday over Buffalo.  They scored a pair of rushing Touchdowns (they outgained the Buffalos on the ground, 169-51) in the First Quarter and only mustered a Field Goal in the fourth.  But hey, for a team that is picked by most to finish the bottom half of the Big Ten West, you take the wins where they come.  Moreover (and this may be because I'm looking at the Twins) when I saw the team take to the field for introductions, where the players were rocking back and forth at the direction of conductor Fleck before storming the turf, I'm getting the feeling that this club is also playing for each other, and for their HC.  I like the energy coming from Fleck.  It's a boisterous and youthful as the enthusiasm from Tim Brewster, except that Fleck has a better track record.

Their next test comes on the road late Saturday night, when they face an Oregon St. team that struggled to beat second-division Portland St. in Overtime yesterday.

#-2: Lynx (Last Week: -3).  By God, this team is hanging on for dear life.  After getting waxed at Los Angeles Sunday, 78-67, it appears as though the Jynx had to win their final three games in order to beat the Sparks for home-court advantage throughout the WNBA Playoffs.  Now, that doesn't mean everything, as my attendance in last year's Game 5 of the WNBA Finals at Target Center can attest.  But this is basketball, where being in front of your people matters.  So yes, it's worth chasing it.

The team bounced back after the loss.  They beat the Fever in Indiana, 80-69 Wednesday and eliminated Chicago (and, I think, set the participants for the postseason) Friday when they destroyed the Sky at Xcel, 110-87.  But those two games illustrated to me how they've gotten to be so shaky.  Sylvia Fowles became the focal point of the Lynx's game this year, and most beat writers believe she's the runaway favorite for Most Valuable Player.  But the Point Guard position has been a little-mitigated disaster.  I thought Renee Montgomery would be a capable replacement for Lindsay Whalen, yet it looks as though she has been such a defensive liability that Head Coach Cheryl Reeve has give Alexis Jones more playing time.  She hasn't been great, but it appears as though Reeve believes she can hold her ground when the other team has the ball.

Really, this shows how important it is to get Whalen back.  But I don't know if she's going to appear in this afternoon's season finale against Washington, a game they have to win to ensure home-court for the playoffs.  The sooner Whalen comes back, the sooner this team can find its chemistry, and damn the week-long wait that comes with a double-bye.

Oh, one other thing.  On Saturday the WNBA and the Lynx announced that the team will host next year's WNBA All-Star Game at Target Center.  And my thought was, how have they not hosted it already?  They are the most successful franchise the WNBA has right now.  They should have hosted one since 2011, when they've started their run of achievement.  And it took till now to get one?  This is kind of puzzling.

#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -2).  With so many teams doing well and reaching some milestones, real or imaginary, the Gopher XI has gotten lost in the shuffle.  They did obliterate Iowa St. Sunday, 6-1; Senior Forward Sydney Squires scored four of those Goals and thus received Player Of The Week honors from the B1G, the NCAA and from something called United Soccer Coaches.  But they followed that up with a 1-0 loss, their first of the season, to Cal-Santa Barbara in the first game of their Minnesota Classic Friday night.  The tally was scored in the 59th Minute by the Gauchos' Amanda Ball after a Handball was called in the box.

They host Providence in the final game of the Minnesota Classic this afternoon.  I thought about going, but then I realize that I have yet to see the Lynx play at Xcel Energy Center.  It should be the last time they ever play there, since they'll have to vacate the X for Wild games and other events.  Plus it's an important game they have to win.  Now that I think about it, for those reasons, I think I need to go to the Lynx game.

#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!).  A pair off off-season teams (well, one won't be off-season very soon, but they seem to be off-season by the way that they're playing, see below) to finish off the WMNSS.  Sophomore Forward/Center Eric Curry was playing a pick-up game and tore up his left knee.  And I mean tore up -- his ACL, his MCL, and his meniscus.  All three of them, gone.  So he's done for the year.  I mean, wow.  As for the the team's chances -- well, he is a reserve, but all reserves serve important roles so, according to a tweet by some guy named Ryan James, Davante Fitzgerald and Bakary Konate will need to step it up.  Curry isn't a starter, but this hurts in more ways than one.

#-5: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  I'm throwing these guys in there just so I can throw them under the bus.  I know they're just exhibition games, and the scrubs managed to beat San Francisco last week at the gun.  But the way the rest of the guys are playing -- the starters giving up a pair of quick Touchdown throws to Brian fucking Hoyer, the second-stringers getting runover by Miami, both games at home -- makes me think bad things are coming for this team.  I don't care if people think this is hypocritical or nonsensical; if a team plays well in the preseason, it means nothing, but if a team does not play well, that portends something horrible.  And the way these guys played, especially for the dress rehearsal game against the 49ers, these guys aren't just not making the playoffs, they might be fending off the likes of the Niners and the Jets for The Worst Team In The NFL.  I'm serious.  I didn't think these guys could win more than five games this year.  Now, I'll say 3-13, and they're a Sam Bradford injury away (and that offensive line has not gotten any better, I don't care what anyone says) from Case Keenum and 1-15.  Book it.

When Passion Becomes Burdensome

So on Thursday night I went to the Minnesota State Fair -- not to enjoy myself or eat, even though I did both, but to work a booth for a group I'm associated with.  (I'll leave it anonymous for now.)  I felt bad that I haven't been to be more involved, but helping out at the Fair was a way to make up for it, plus the organizer of this effort (who also happens to be the President of the club) was still looking for volunteers, so last week I told her I could man the two-person booth.  By the way, since there weren't enough people to volunteer, she, the organizer/President, would be the one I would be paired up with.

As I alluded to in a previous blog post, no, in fact I did not have to physically shut up some smartass who wanted to challenge my intelligence.  In fact the people who came up to us were very nice, and the four hours went a tad quicker than I thought, so that was really good.  If I have time next year, I will certainly do it again.

Nevertheless we had some down time, and that's where we caught up on things.  We work at one of the test scoring places, for example, and we talked about how projects this year went well or didn't.  But we also talked about the club she runs.  And she admitted that after about a decade of organizing this, this will be, without a doubt, her last year doing this at the Fair.  She loves the club, but the schlepping of the stuff and the set-up before the Fair, the tearing down after the Fair, and the constant begging of people to volunteer (and the inevitable failure to fill up all the spots, thus requiring her to come in) have worn on her.  And she hates it.

Again, she loves the club, she is passionate about the club, and she will remain active.  But this part?  She's over it, I gather.  And so we got to talking about this because she asked me if I could get more involved.  I didn't really get the feeling that she wanted me to take over this particular job, dealing with organizing the State Fair booth, but if I spontaneously piped up and said, "I'll do it!" she wouldn't have minded at all.  But I told her that as much as I want to, I can only do so much -- because, as you readers know, I am a member of another club, my alumni club, of which I am President.

And that's when we got to talking about how much we want to love the clubs we run, but how it's a goddamn pain-in-the-ass to do things, especially when the other putative members of the club won't step up and organize or take responsibility to do something, etc.  You see, the busy part of the club calendar starts today, when the first game of the football season kicks off.  We have gone to the same bar for the past six years, but because DirecTV does not carry the Pac-12 Network, I had to make sure this other place is a place we can go to for just this one game.  I think things are good, but I don't really know for sure.  Meanwhile, I will need to go to the other place next week to make sure everything is OK to watch the rest of our season's games over there, because another club might take over the spot, especially if our games overlap.  I tried reaching out to the manager, but I haven't gotten any word back yet.

You see, if someone else would be the one to take care of it, that would make my job easier.  At the very least, not needing to worry about this gives me the time to worry about other stuff -- such as organizing a fundraising activity, something we really need to do.  In the meantime I have yet to squirrel away all the funds I raised through games last year.  That's something I should do before the first game of this year, but in about 90 minutes I'm supposed to wake up and take my parents to the airport, so for all I know I might be sleeping from the time I get back to the early afternoon, at which I point I have to get up, shower, and drive to downtown Minneapolis early enough to reserve tables at the bar where we'll be watching the game.

I just complained about running the club.  A lot.  But please, please understand that I undertake these duties with a loyalty towards my alma mater.  And in much the same way I still care about my club even though I feel burdened by some of the things I need to do year after year, I am sure she feels the same way about the club she presides over and that I am only a participant in.  We don't regret doing what we do.  We just wish we didn't have to do this particular part anymore.  And it appears as though this is the last year for her for organizing for the Fair, regardless of whether or not someone will replace her.  She at least has the luxury of other people helping out.  With the exception of one other person, it's just me.

Alas and alack.

Just One More Night

Just one more night of them in the house.  One more night of them asking me to write things, or to listen to them say I need a schedule or some dumb shit.  One more night of them fighting before they are off on their own, and if they fight then, they'll be far away from me.

There are times I'm afraid when they'll be gone for good.  But after that fight Wednesday night, I am more than ready to have them be gone from the house and out of my hair.  Then I'll be able to not shower when I want and strew my clothes around the floor if I want.

Too bad they'll be back in six weeks to take off from here to Biloxi, sooner if they have real estate issues they'll need to deal with.  But I will breathe deep in relief until then.

Toothbrush Crap

You know, I don't know when it happened (although, come to think of it, it may have started after I got back from Hong Kong after Grandmother's cremation), but my toothbrush has accumulated this noticeable layer of film.  It's in the middle, oh, third of the brush head, and it's even, and considering how small it is, there's a lot of gunk that's built up in that brush.  And it's so weird that I have tried to open up the bristles and pick it out with my fingers and I can't.  Altogether you can totally see that there is build-up in my brush, but when I separate them, there's nothing.  It's there and yet it's not there.

And I'm still using the brush.  It's one of those whose top two rows are blue, so I assume that those are indicator bristles.  The more I brush, the more the blue comes off the top of those bristles, so once it gets to, oh, halfway (I assume it can't rub off any further), that's when I will finally dispose of my brush.  And not before, even with that weird stuff on there.  Right?

I've never seen that before.

Mother And Father Fighting -- Man, That Takes Me Back

My God, my parents just had the biggest goddamn fight I've seen and heard (mostly heard) in years, if not decades.  And it all stems from a letter.  And from me.

They just sold one of their properties here, and they told me last (Wednesday) night to write a letter to the insurance company to cancel the homeowner's insurance policy.  And quickly, My Father and Mother showed they had very different ideas on how to write a cancellation notice.  First, Mother wanted me to write out a letter which she will type at the library later today.  Then, Father said that I could just write it out on a piece of paper because the plan is to fax it, not mail it.  And after I wrote a very perfunctory and quick request to cancel this policy number which is for this property (they came back from some errand) Mother wanted me to write a return address down.  And then she told me to write down the phone number.  And then no, not the landline, but Father's cell #.  (I asked her why she couldn't do it; she said that a letter written two different ways would arouse suspicion.)

So I did it and got up and left in incredulity.  My Mother took the sheet I wrote and walked to My Father, who was finishing up washing the dishes, similarly getting incredulous that I wrote down not one but two phone numbers.  At this point it was apparent that she wanted to be as meticulous as possible with this letter I wrote for them while he wanted to just get the damn thing sent.  And he let her know about as soon as I entered my bedroom: "I told you I wanted a simple goddamn letter!"  And so I heard a yell-fest between the two that rivals anything I heard when I was a kid, and they were arguing as soon as they came home late at night and continued as they went down the stairs and hit the shower.

This fight did not last as long as those childhood memories: Ten or fifteen minutes at the most, long compared to arguments between decent and sane couples but short for my folks.  But they went at it.  Through the Chinese I thought I could make out, My Father was on the attack, berating My Mother for continually ignoring his desire for a quick letter quickly sent.  Mother may or may not have ridiculed him for thinking he could do a half-ass effort for such an important letter, but I think she just started to get defensive about Father haranguing her.

I was just going to let the knock-down-drag-out fight outside as I retreated to my safe space.  But then I heard something slightly different.  Father had already locked the door when they came back from that errand after dinner.  But I heard Mother quickly unlatch all the locks and storm out, with a grunting Father shoving open the screen door after she exited.

Then I heard their minivan start up.  I've heard this a couple times before; after a fight, Mother just takes off.  She would be gone for hours at a time, but she would come back before we went to bed.  That's what I thought she felt like she needed to do, but this time Father chased after her.

So now I had to see what the fuck was going on.  Mother wanted to bolt for parts unknown, but this time Father wouldn't let her.  She started the car; he may have talked her down to the point she turned it off.  She continued yelling and started it up.  He walked away from the driver's-side door, but instead walked behind the car.  The minivan started creeping back before Mother realized she was about to run Father over, so she jerked it to a stop.  Finally, as he circled back beside her, she turned off the car and went back inside.

I didn't see anybody driving or passing by.  I have no idea how no one at least heard them; they were screaming so loudly (at least Mother) that if a cop car was rolling by, I know a cop would have stopped to ask what the fuck was going on.  But as embarrassing as that was, I couldn't help but focus on the behavior of both of my parental units.  Both of them were terrible.  But I don't know who was worse: Mother for storming out of the house and yelling so loudly the neighbors could hear, or Father for manipulating Mother's feelings and then challenging her into staying, even by standing behind a car that could run him over.  She shouldn't have bolted out the door, but he shouldn't have forced her to stay.  Both of them suck.

And so I go back to one of the statements I tell myself whenever I feel the need to sum up my life: I have been ruined because of my parents.  I have both My Mother's penchant for overreacting and My Father's need to be right.  And all my yelling?  Turns out I get it from both of them.  I learned really well listening into downstairs when I was young.

She didn't leave the driveway, but she's sleeping in my sister's room.  Just another day in the Unforgivable Wetness household.

I Am Having A Surprisingly Stressful Week

It kind of blindsided me, but it is stressful.

I found work, and being unemployed is kind of stressful.  But I started yesterday (Tuesday), and there are a lot of things I need to do that I don't have a handle on.  And the person who's training is the person I'm replacing on an interim basis, so if I don't get this down by Thursday, I'm screwed.  And since Labor Day is Monday, there's a damn good chance I'll forget everything she taught me when I come back next week.

Then there's the Mensa thing.  The local Mensa chapter has had a booth at the Minnesota State Fair for years now.  I first thought of joining after passing by it once.  Well, the LocSec (the Local Secretary, aka the boss of the chapter) sets up three daily four-hour, two-person shifts for the booth for the entirety of the Fair, and there were two holes left to fill.  Because I want to be a more-active member of Mensa, I volunteered to staff our booth Thursday.  But that means I have to cut out of work an hour early (thus losing out on a hour's wage), get there on time, be able to solve the puzzles we have on display, stay awake for four hours, and be civil to anyone who comes by our booth.  I'm sure I'll get some asshole who'll ask me a question to which I won't know the answer, to which he'll say, "Ha!  You're not as smart as you think you are, dumbass!" which will force me to commit violence on his ass, and that will mean I'll get drummed out of Mensa.  Just you watch.

And then there's Saturday, the beginning of my alma mater's football season.  Expectations are high, but that's not the reason I'm anxious.  I'm anxious because, once again, I have to find a spot to watch our football game away from our customary home.  This carriage deal is getting ridiculous, but if you're the head of your alumni club and your football team is a traditional power, what is there to do?  Last year, in a similar situation, we went just up the street.  A week or so ago I went back to that place to inquire about watching it there again, and the bartender said I should take it up with the people working Saturday.  That means that there's no reason to do anything before then.  But that means I'm not 100% sure we can go there, and if we can't, it'll be too late to find a different spot.  It's just waiting till we get closer to kickoff.  That hasn't stopped me from telling people that's where we're going this weekend; hope to Buddha I won't be proven a fool.

So Thursday and Saturday are the really excruciating days to deal with this week.  But along with Tuesday, it has been plenty excruciating.  Once I get to Saturday evening, I can breathe a sigh of relief.  Maybe.

The Perils Of Working So Close To Home

So I start a new position today.  It's short-term, but although I was initially led to believe it would be only this and next week, another person who says he has better knowledge of the company says I should expect it to last a month.  At any rate I will be out before the health insurance company asks me back, which is in November, which is a month later than last year, which really scares me.  It also doesn't help that it's part-time, about 24 hours a week.  I mean, I am glad I'm getting any work at all.  But if I'm good enough for 40/week, I should be seeking that out, even if it's going to last only six weeks.

One big advantage is that the job's in the next town over.  In fact, it's in the same city as the high school I went to.  In fact, it's only five minutes away.  But is it really an advantage?  For one thing, I'm so close that my parents might drive past my place of work and my car.  I don't think this will be the case because I'll be driving in a direction my folks don't go.  Famous last words, of course, but they have no reason to be up in that part of our neighborhood.  However, I didn't think till tonight (I agreed to the job basically this morning) that since I'm in a part of town where I went to high school, there's a chance that I'll be working with or even for someone I went to high school with.  I doubt it ... well, now that I think about it, it's a decent chance.  Man, what will I say -- "Hey, how's it goin'?  Long time no see, eh?"

I'm screwed, aren't I?