Expenses Without Receipt

Starting from Monday, September 4:

• The last day of the Minnesota State Fair is always bittersweet.  Yet I make it a point to go there because I want to honor both the end of the Fair and its symbolism signaling The Death Of Summer.  There were a lot of people there, but it dwindled rapidly around the 7 o'clock hour.  And there weren't as many kids milling around the Midway, trying to hold on to summer as much as they can anymore.  I think the police presence and the flood lights made them scatter.  I took this as one last opportunity to pig out.  This was the only one of the three days where I went just for the Fair itself; I went on Tuesday for the John Mellencamp concert, while on Thursday my main purpose was to help out at my organization's booth.  So I finally could focus on eating.  And, wittingly or unwittingly, I used Andrew Zimmern's list of his favorite Fair foods when he went on The Today Show the first day of the Fair to find foods I would eat.  And a couple of them have been at the Fair for years: The turkey leg at the Texas Steak-Out and a Gizmo.  I also had a few new foods: The One Bad Dog from this hot dog place inside the Food Building, Bauhaus' Shandlot summer beer (very fruity), and the Breakfast Bake from the Blue Barn in the West End Market.  That Bake was the last of five things I ate at the Fair over the course of 2 1/2 hours, and once I started eating very slooooooooooooooowly, that's when I realized my limit.  I'm surprised I didn't shit out my guts before work this morning.  The total amount I spent on the last day of the Minnesota State Fair on food and drink: $43.
• And I remembered to hit the U. building to buy discounted tickets to one men's basketball and two men's hockey games.  Could have charged it, but Sunday afternoon at the Lynx game I took out money that I didn't totally spend at Choice that evening, so I figured I would give my credit card a break.  Then again, I charged a shirt from the DFL kiosk that had Minnesota colored blue surrounded by Wisconsin, Iowa and the Dakotas, all in red, with the words, "Don't Blame Us."  Had to get it, but I couldn't pay cash for it even though I had it in my wallet.  Hmmm.  Anyway, the tickets cost a total of: $40.
• Sunday the 4th ... So I started the day hoping to see this All-Ireland Curling Final or something.  I saw The Local advertise it, so I went downtown.  But I stopped when I saw a sign that said there would be a $20 admission fee in order to watch.  I didn't want to get blindsided by a cover, so even though I would be back out on the road less than half an hour to go to the soccer games at Robbie Stadium, I turned tail and ran.  Turns out that their Facebook said there would be a charge.  Maybe I should have checked there, too.  Anyway, I wasted a drive going downtown, but I went to a soccer game, but not a Gopher soccer game, at least not a complete one.  It didn't occur to me to check to see if there are other teams playing in the Minnesota Classic besides the U.  Turns out there are: Cal-Santa Barbara, the team that beat the Golden Gophers Friday, was playing an 11 o'clock game against Iowa, which apparently did not play a game on Friday.  (Meanwhile, the second match of this Sunday afternoon doubleheader had the Gopher playing Providence, who also did not play Friday.  So there were two teams that stuck around this weekend and two teams that did not?  So the Providence women's soccer program just flew out to Minnesota for just one match?  Could they not have played the Hawkeyes Friday?)  Anyway, because of that, the Gopher match was delayed to 1:30, and at any rate I decided I had to leave at 2 because I really wanted to see the Lynx's last-ever game at Xcel Energy Center, so I left with a third of the First Half remaining.  I bought a hot dog and a Coke inbetween matches and enjoyed it in the shade because it was reaching the mid-eighties, I was sitting on bleachers with the sun beating down on me, and I was still wearing full-length pants, stupid me.  Total: $10.
• I went home after the Lynx game, took a nap, got up, watched the only two college football games going on (both barnburners, including that ridiculous comeback by UCLA) while preparing for my fantasy football draft at night.  After all that was done, I went out.  Man, I'm glad to have the house to myself; that way I can walk out of the house after midnight to do whatever the fuck I want without anybody even knowing.  So I went to Choice for the first time in a long time, and I have to say it was a dud.  No one touched my pee-pee there, even in the midst of no other male customers there.  Cover, tips, one dance from Candy and three from that tease Sabrina: $100.
• But at the LD area I found some loose change.  Don't mind if I do!  Since it was so dark I couldn't make out how much was there, but I will just say it was a quarter and two dimes, so that's an Infusion of: 45 cents.
• On Saturday the 2nd I think I only had one EWR: Pumping some money into our club's 50/50 Raffle.  I was somewhat disappointed in our turnout for the first game of what shapes up to be a promising year.  Don't know if it's because we had to go to a new venue or if the opponent wasn't a big name, but only familiar names came.  Still love them, but I thought there would be more people, at least to play the 50/50: $10.
• To Friday the 1st ... since I was going to take my parents out to the airport very early Saturday morning, I figure I would have to get the car cleaned.  The people who helped me went one step beyond.  One dude opened up the trunk to see all the stuff that's back there, including a blanket I used on the farm in Cerulean, Kentucky to watch the total eclipse, so there was grass and straw all over it.  At first the guy charged me an extra three bucks because he opened up and was about to clean the trunk.  So I figured that if I had to pay an extra $3, let's see if he can clean up that blanket a bit.  So the guy, with two other ladies, spent a good, oh, five minutes taking those hose vacuums and trying to sweep up every piece of grass and straw that was stuck to my pink blanket.  And damn if they didn't get nearly all of it off!  I threw in an extra two bucks' tip because of their effort.  Now I don't have to risk putting the blanket in the wash just so I can get the grass and straw off.  I've never put a five-dollar bill in this place's tip jar before (I charged the car wash), but I figured this is the right time: $5.
• I made it to the library in time to remember that the alumni association needed me to print out, sign, scan and send back the charter I thought I had already printed out, signed, scanned and sent back.  Glad I did it before the Labor Day Holiday: 10 cents.
• Thursday, August 31 was the night (after work) where I went to the State Fair to help my organization out.  I was too late leaving work and got caught up with afternoon traffic to stick to my original plan, which was to walk around and eat before my shift began.  Luckily, my partner, who runs the group, let me take 15 minutes to get this new maple cream nitro cold press coffee to keep me going.  And damn, it was good!  And after we closed up I walked around the Fair some more, getting a Pronto Pup and a Minneaple Pie with cinnamon ice cream.  Total: $17.50.
• Back on Tuesday the 29th I was also at the Fair, this time to see John Mellencamp.  I'm not much of a concert fan, but after Chris Cornell committed suicide I realized that the artist who make the music I've loved all my life aren't getting any younger.  (There was a week where both Paul McCartney and Fleetwood Mac played Target Center.  I've always wanted to see them both live, but for some reason I didn't go.  They may never be back here again.)  I've been a huge Mellencamp fan ever since I was young, so I wasn't going to miss the chance to see him.  His set list is exactly the same as his from virtually the start of his tour, but his voice is still intact.  Anyway, I charged the ticket for that, and I got there early enough to walk around and get what appears to be The Rookie Food Of The Year, this mole tamale from Tejas Express.  It also was good!  Also, through social media recommendation, I got a WarPigs Brewing Lauzerite cup.  With tip for the beer: $16.25.
• Sunday the 27th -- hmmm, I don't recall going to a Caribou/Einstein on a Sunday.  Anyway, I bought a small Brownie Coffeeless Cooler.  Minus trivia, plus tip: $6.25.
• To Saturday, August 26, where I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) because of my ATFs texted me saying she was there.  I haven't seen her in a while, and lately, whenever she texted me saying she's hosted a party I have said no, so it was time for me to see her and get a lapper from her.  I stuck around after shift change because there was a new chick that was hot enough to compel me to stay for a bit.  With tips and coffee the damage comes out to: $33.75.
• Then I went to Glam Doll for a donut and a pourover coffee.  I'm such a regular here that they gave me a donut to go.  Buddha bless them.  Oh yeah, they gave me the first donut free, too!  With tip for my coffee: $3.69.
• So Friday, August 25 was the last day of my eclipse trip in St. Louis.  I stayed at a pretty decent hotel there, even though the owner accused me of asking for a smoking room when I don't smoke.  Anyway, I had hung the No Disturb sign on the door handle pretty much from the moment I got there, and no one came in the four days I was there.  Good.  So I left a buck for each of the days as a thanks: $4.
• I know I shouldn't have done it, but I went to this jack shack I specifically go down to the STL for, even though it meant going east before I had to head north.  It was so quick that I didn't get a beer; I just paid my cover and made a beeline towards A***** so she could give me a handjob and kiss my dick.  Twenty bucks off because no fucking; either she was having her period or she was otherwise not feeling like having sex.  Total: $83.
• My midway pitstop on the way home was in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where, because of the site Roadfood, I had to go to two places, both about a mile apart on the same road.  Because I got there so late, I had to pick up a poppyseed, a fig, and a lemon kolache from Sykora Bakery before they closed at 7 before I went down the street to eat their pork tenderloin sandwich.  I stored them in the fridge and didn't even eat them until several days later; wish I had them as soon as I got home, or even at the bakery itself.  Charged the kolaches, but I threw in a tip of $1.
• Thursday the 24th: After the Cardinals game I went inside; hey, I was allowed to park there, might as well show them some appreciation and go in.  The craps tables were all $10 minimums, so I just played slots.  I think I also tipped a waitress for bringing me a drink, even though I don't remember where.  Total: $10.
• I then went across the Mississippi to the Casino Queen (my second time this trip) because I was determined to play some craps.  And I lost, big-time.  You know, gambling this time around was a total dud.  I broke even playing a slot machine one time up at Argosy on the Monday, but other than that, I lost my shirt.  Not fun at all.  With the shit I lost at slots: $55.
• At that point I was determined to do something productive out of a night where my Cards lost and lost money.  So, possibly against common sense, I went to Coffee Cartel, the 24-hour coffeehouse in town, to work on catching up on balancing my checkbook.  With tip for a medium mocha, I believe, I spent: $6.21.
• Wednesday, August 23 ... one of the things I've always wanted to do in the area and have never done is to go see St. Charles, on the other side of the Missouri River.  St. Charles was the first capital of the state of Missouri, and people boast about its quaintness.  I finally, through a pair of truncated trips, had the means (it wasn't too far from my hotel and I had some mornings to myself) to go up there and walk around, and yep, it is a neat place.  I also wanted to stop by an ATM, of which I heard some of them were no-fee from my debit card.  Turns out that's not true, and if I remember, I'll blog about them later.  One of those supposed no-fee ATMs was at this bar in St. Charles called Lloyd and Harry's.  I stopped to get a Bud Light for Happy Hour before I tried getting money, but when I saw that the owner of the ATM tacked on a fee, I passed.  With tip for the Bud Light I paid: $3.
• This was the evening of the first of back-to-back Cardinals games I went to.  This is the one they won.  I charged everything this game except for the tip for the aluminum bottle of Bud Select: $1.
• I did a lot of mental planning; what do I want to do in the Loo, and when should I do it?  I figured that I needed to get money even if I did have to pay a fee, so after the game (immediately after, and I thinking back, there wasn't a whole lot of traffic I had to fight) I drove south of town to find a Walgreen's -- which impose a fee on the ATM I finally pulled money from.  It was on the way to Ted Drewes, a place I always stop by whenever I'm in town: $5.65.
• This was the night where I decided to hit the two westernmost casinos in St. Louis, both of which were not too far from my hotel.  First was Ameristar, where I just did -- and lost -- slots: $6.
• And then I went to Hollywood Casino where I also hit the slot machine and I also lost: $6.
• Tuesday the 22nd was one of those days where, if I went to this stripclub to get jerked off, it would have alleviated the rest of my schedule so I could have more room to do the things I wanted to do.  However, I really wanted to go to Fairmount Park, a quaint, almost-dying racetrack in the metro area for a second time.  This track is open to live racing only in the summer, and only on Saturdays and Tuesdays.  Moreover, in a move I think is totally ass-backwards, races on Saturdays start in the evening and those on Tuesdays start in the afternoon.  "Horse Hooky Tuesdays," they call it, I think.  Does that make sense, only courting people who don't work during the day?  That's why the crowd was relatively small.  So were most of the fields; three of the seven races didn't offer money for Show.  I don't think that's a good sign of the health of a horserace track.  Anyway, I won my first horseracing ticket since American Pharoah (sp.?) completed the Triple Crown.  And it was an Exacta, too!  That somewhat defrayed the cost of admission (which, admittedly, was only $1.50), my hot dog, (only a buck), the program, the beer for the chick in the bustier who wouldn't give me the time of day, the tip to said chick, and all the tickets on the losers I bet on.  All told, I got out of there spending only: $6.95.
• And yet I don't count all the Powerball tickets I bought there.  Father asked me on this trip to buy him three Powerball tickets for the huge jackpot that was won that Wednesday in each state I drove through from Sunday to Wednesday.  I got these from the state of Illinois.  And I bought a couple for myself, too.  Total, five tickets for: $10.
• After the races I went to the stripclub.  I was going to sneak in for a little bit, but a little bit turned into a lot bit because my ATF, A*****, was there.  And even though I still don't think she knows my real name, we chatted it up bigtime.  As usual we snuck into a corner, where she glided her hands above my pants to get me hard.  And when she did, and she knew it, that's when we went behind the curtain.  She fucked me, and I wanted her to get off of me once I thought I was going to cum because I wanted her to jack me off.  But then I didn't, so I had to do it myself, and I got sad because I couldn't get it up anymore.  I should have told A***** to continue to fuck me.  Oh, well.  She gave me a nice massage after we got done, too -- helped get all the kinks out of the previous day's long roadtrip.  With cover (which was only two bucks this day compared to three on Friday), a Bud Light and tips and it all came out to: $129.
• I eschewed a Cardinals game this night (good thing, they got trounced by the Padres) so I could go to the Hooters in Fairview Heights because two of the girls there competed at the Hooters pageant.  I don't think I saw either of them working there, but the girls that were working were nonetheless hot.  That got me warmed up for Scarlett's Cabaret, the strip club formerly known as Hollywood Show Club.  Heard that the change in ownership has reinvigorated the place, and even on a Tuesday night that was true.  The non-stop porn is gone and the girls have gotten better, and I think they all now wear gowns as a required dress code.  I got two bed dances and three couch dances with a hot and nice girl named Natalie, who was working her first day there and didn't know the prices any better than I did.  Unfortunately, she didn't touch my wee-wee, and I was OK with it because I was similarly intimidated about what the new rules are.  Didn't get a drink there at all, not one, thank goodness.  With cover and tipping Natalie onstage the total amount of my quick trip to Scarlett's was: $161.
• Since I had nowhere to be the next morning, I decided that this would be the night I would go to Coffee Cartel and try and put a serious dent in the years-long backlog of account withdrawal receipts I've accumulated.  I know I should have stayed on top of it, and right now, with no monthly balances mailed on hand (they're all in storage) or way to keep track of expenses I've pulled out of my accounts, this is totally inaccurate.  And that's not even accounting for the fact that I don't have checks and probably won't ever use them again.  But I keep them, and I've always intended to record them on my ledger.  So I took upwards of six hours, till daybreak, to go through one whole register, chronologically (or at least as best I could) taking each receipt and writing down, without other debits, how much money I theoretically have.  I did not remember that I was in the middle of one ledger when I stopped catching up on my receipts (which, ironically, was the last time I was at Coffee Cartel, which was the last time I went to STL), and somehow redid all the receipts that I had already listed in this half-finished ledger.  So I wasted the first half of that ledger and, to make up for it, filled out the back half of it before leaving.  Doing that probably was another 90 minutes, two hours of straight writing.  So of course I needed the largest tub of rocket fuel I could buy, a large mocha which, with tip, came out to: $6.99.
• Monday, August 21 ... ah, I'll remember this day for a long time.  I woke up so early in the morning to not only check out of the hotel I used credit card points to stay for free two nights, but to also make my sojourn to The Point Of Greatest Eclipse, Cerulean, Kentucky.  I actually got to within about 400 yards to the west of it; the exact point seems to be underneath a telephone pole and had a "No Trespassing" sign on it, so I had to go to the nearest place where I could park.  That would be a farm, whose wide field about 40 cars parked in so we could see the total eclipse in one of the two, uh, great points on Earth.  There was a farm, by the way, that also allowed parking, but for $100.  Good God.  At this place, with shade from their trees, I only had to pay a relative bargain of: $20.
• This evening, even after a tiring drive back to the Loo, I drove up to Alton, something I always do every time I take this trip.  I do two things up in this beautiful river town: Go to the Argosy (where, like I said, I broke even pulling a slot machine once) and going to The Pub Room, a bar where the bartenders flash their boobs for money.  That hasn't happened to me the last several times I've dropped by (even though a girl was working in a bikini a couple years ago), but every time I go there in the hopes of receiving a miracle.  Didn't happen this time, either, and it probably won't ever again.  That's because The Pub Room has been re-styled as The Attic, and the lights in the bar have been turned up.  They have started tearing it down, too, and the bartender said it was part of a remake, not just in terms of decor but in culture, too.  "No more tips for tits," is basically what she said, and even though she was really nice, there is now no reason for me to go to The Attic.  So what do I do now?  Coors Light with tip: $3.75.
• Sunday, August 20 -- I didn't see a "Do Not Disturb" sign in my first hotel.  So, just in case someone was going to come in and clean up, I threw a buck on one of the pillows.  I went out to ... where did I go?  Anyway, I came back and I saw everything in immaculate condition -- and the buck was gone.  I don't mind housekeeping if nothing is stolen: $1.
• On Saturday the 19th I went to the Iowa State Fair.  I didn't realize until late in the week that it was going on; if I knew, I would have told AAA to alter my trip down from the quicker route through Cedar Rapids and instead take a detour to Des Moines instead.  I've heard a lot of great things about this, and if there ever was going to be a time I would be able to go, it would be this time.  Now, I am biased, but it looks as though the Iowa State Fair is smaller (attendance for this fair is significantly smaller than the one for Minnesota), less organized, and poorer; their grandstand concert series didn't have Sam Hunt or Phantogram or Usher, like ours does.  But it was still really nice.  Saw the Buttered Cow sculpture, something you have to see at the Iowa State Fair.  I also got a pork-chop-on-a-stick -- two of them, after I realized after eating the first one that the one you have to eat is the one from the Pork Farmers.  There was a large lemonade and garlic cheese curds that were recommended online, too, so I got all those.  I parked on the lot of the Iowa State Capitol, then got the shuttle to the Fair, but the trip cost me two bucks.  Hmmm.  With the ticket, all told, this once-in-a-lifetime trip to the Iowa State Fair cost me: $42.
• Friday, August 18 ... I didn't want to, but I went out after dinner, even though I should have stayed in in preparation for leaving in the morning.  I first went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version), where Madison was there again, and I felt obligated to get a lapdance from her.  She's really nice, but I've gotten several LDs from her, and I think I should cut back.  With coffee and tips: $29.75.
• Then went to Glam Doll -- close to me, I think, not the original one.  With tip: $11.52.

Good through Labor Day.