How could I not understand this sooner? The reason I dread coming back home for dinner each night is I gird myself in anticipation for what bullshit My Fucking Father might throw my way. I can't breathe a sigh of relief if he's a chipper mood because I fear for how he's going to behave the next night. So I keep my guard up at all times when I come home. That takes a toll on my body and my psyche. And that's why I am such an emotional mess.
He hasn't gone after me yet, but coming home, despite the smile on his face, he was acting like an asshole, as usual, to Grandmother. He has a way of dismissing things she says. He always tells her to stop doing things in his typical whine; it's something I'd have to copy for y'all to understand, but I don't want to because it hurts me. And when she volunteers to help him with cooking, he says in Chinese, "I'lldoitI'lldoitI'lldoitI'lldoit," really fast, like it's one word, both telling her to immediately stop what she's doing and to fuck off.
She might be old, and she might screw things up, but she means well. That's no way to treat an elder. God, he's suck a dick.
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