My Father came home around 11 -- around the time I woke up -- all pissed off because he needed to make an appointment for a consultation and for some reason they didn't leave him any information on where and who to call back (I bet they left him a message, but he doesn't know how to check his voicemail). This contributed to my crisis tonight.
I parked too close to a stop sign for work and got a ticket for it. Thought it was a problem, but I was never caught, so what the hell? Well, I'm $32 in the hole. This also contributed to my crisis tonight.
When I came back for dinner I did not park my car in the garage; rather I left it on the driveway in case he was still angry from this afternoon, turned his anger on me, and wanted to pick a fight. I was ready to argue, maybe even throw a punch, and then have dinner out. But Father was kind and decent tonight, as if his outburst never happened. Well, I told myself that I was committed to going out tonight whatever the case; since he was civil for dinner, I was going to leave and do something afterward.
But what? I was going to go get a lapdance at a stripclub, but I didn't want to stay out too late, and that parking ticket was the clincher; no seats tonight. So I was left with two options; taking the laptop and some old papers out to a coffeeshop and just waste time for a couple hours, or go see Zombieland. Again, money is an issue, but I remember that I have passes that I bought at a discount at the U. Plus, if I go the Regal close by I get popcorn for a buck!
I check showtimes just in case I miss all the screenings. I don't; the last showing's at 10:10, and the running time is 81 minutes. That's great for me now, though I have a personal peeve that all movies should run at least 90 minutes. Anyway, I start thinking which thing to do would be cheaper. This is where the math gets me: OK, if popcorn's just a buck and you already paid for the ticket, then the Coke's, what, $5.50? So it's $6.50 for Zombieland. But then, it's just $3.50 for a mocha at Spyhouse ... unless I want some ice cream at Sebatian Joe's ... hmmm, ice cream ... but that's, what, seven dollars total then?" And then I'm trying to figure out gas and how much money it costs me to drive to Uptown instead of Brooklyn Park ... yadda-yadda-yadda, my head hurts!
Zombieland it is because it's closer; plus, I'd take my laptop with me to the coffeehouse and that adds a potential complication of My Father seeing me with the laptop when I come back home because I don't want him to know I bought a laptop. Anyway, I hope you get that I'm a fucked-up mess.
So I check to make sure I have passes for this particular theater. I do -- except that they're, um, premium/super-duper tickets. I thought they were the regular-duper tickets, which mean that they're subject to certain restrictions. The passes I have can bust through those restrictions and can be used in most cases. But what cases are those? So I'm back to thinking myself into knots: When did Zomebieland come out? More importantly, what restrictions apply to the regular passes, the passes that I don't have? Because if that would prevent me for using the ordinary passes, that means the passes I have would be the only ones I could use, which means I should use them. But if the movie has been in theaters long enough where I can now use those regular-duper passes, that would mean that my super-duper passes would be a waste and should be saved for another film that just came out. But when's the goddamn cutoff? But wait a second ... there was a movie that I saw opening weekend -- was it I Love You, Beth Cooper? -- and I used a regular pass to watch it. Does it even fucking matter? Shit, I don't think I saw that the movie had a "no passes" warning, was there?
My God, my head hurts again.
I thought of my plight as I walked dejectedly and unsteadily to my car. I know my brain was once again overwhelmed by my indecision and that I'd just give up and go grab coffee because it seems simple. As I was backing out, I remembered the one key that could have helped me solve my conundrum: The University of Minnesota has a page listing what restrictions are tacked onto the passes you can purchase for each and every single theater chain in the area. I should've just turned off my car and ran back into the house to check it out on My Father's desktop. But, too late.
On my way the coffeeshop I kept track of the mileage difference between getting to the theater and the coffeeshop, much farther away. It's about eight miles farther, so 16 miles total, which means ... and then I remembered I had to concentrate on driving.
I park next to the coffee place. Oh, what the hell, I have to spend $32, what's another $3.50? So I get that ice cream -- pumpkin, pretty good. $3.50 good? Should ice cream ever cost more than a buck?
I fire up my laptop after I get my mocha. I keep forgetting that the mocha at Spyhouse is kind of stiff. I get to the website. Regal theater regular passes can only be used 12 days after a movie's release. I count the days ... ah, crudfuck, today was the twelth day of Zombieland's release. So the premium passes -- the passes I have -- are the only ones that can be used to watch the film, which means it would have made sense to watch the film tonight. And to top it all off, I failed in spending less money tonight because I got ice cream on top of coffee. If I just got coffee, my night would have been cheaper than going to the movie. But I just had to get ice cream, didn't I? I'm an idiot.
So I'm now trying to justify my move: Well, I did try and like Sebastian Joe's pumpkin ice cream; I think I recharged my battery driving longer than I would have if I just went to the movie; and I walked a few blocks to the ice cream shop, which is exercise, and I really need the exercise. Besides, it's better to save the pass for later use rather than use it and not need it. Wait, Zombieland is in its twelth day of release, the last day only premium passes can be used to watch it. Next week, regular passes can be used to watch the movie, so why use my passes then? But maybe I could've used the ordinary passes tonight; it's not like Zombieland is, like, New Moon or the last Harry Potter film. Maybe it's best that I kept my tickets ... oh, whatever.
Things should come full circle, so when I did get back home, of course I have to dodge My Father, who's up checking stuff. I bring my laptop down to the computer room and put my coat on it in case Father wants to talk to me. He did, and he started yet another sort of boring, very creepy talk with me about Thomas Gainsborough and me going back to school. He even sat next to my coat, but I don't think he saw my laptop under it. Hopefully.
All of this because of My Father's tantrum, the parking ticket I got, and the choice of whether to get coffee or go to a movie.
I hope I just stay home tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment