Positive Numbers: Vikings (Last Week: 0). The team's 33-31 win over the Bastard Cleveland Browns was a lot closer than it seemed in the first half, but it was just as tight as I thought it would be going into the game. No, the Vikes' D collapse in the fourth quarter, where the Ravens were able to run and pass at will, is very disconcerting. But although three drives ended in field goals, Brett Farve and the passing O had almost as much room to roam on a suddenly medicore Baltimore passing D. And if you're going to be a championship team, you're going to need a lucky break to win a game, as Bastard Browns K Steven Hauschka hooked a sure game-winning FG wide left. Turns out Favre's early two touchdown strikes were the difference. They may face the next best team they've faced all season this Sunday afternoon: Pittsburgh on the road. Win this and they're 7-0 for the first time in nine years.
#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2). Went to the Gophers game against then-sixth ranked UMD on Friday. I was afraid they were going to fold against the Bulldogs like they did the game I went to last year. But their defense was very solid in their 3-1 win, and the followed that with a 3-0 shutout on Saturday with the help of two short-handed goals. And trust me, the Goalie, Noora Räty, is really good. Reflexes are quick, and the goal that got past her was in a lot of traffic. She's WCHA Defensive Player Of The Week. And the team is still ranked second the poll. I didn't put them at 0 because, well, I put them up that high a lot last season and they underwhelmed with a semifinal loss. I will not be so lenient this time around. This week: a home-and-home with St. Cloud St.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -4). More troubling news for the team indicating they're not going to be around the final weekend of the NCAA Tournament. Although they beat Northwestern in four sets Saturday, they were swept big-time by Illinois Friday night. They were playing in the undercard of the Fighting Illini's "Midnight Madness" program at Assembly Hall, the bigger arena where the basketball teams play. Seems like they kind of turtled in front of 7,632 fans who wanted to watch the b-ball teams but wanted to support the v-ball team anyway. That loss drops the Gophs into third place in the Big 10 and pushes them down three spots to #9 in the AVCA poll -- and it further adds to the prospect of them losing on their home floor (the U. hosts a regional this year) for the second consecutive season. They play at home this week against potentially pesky Michigan St. Friday and Michigan (in their annual match at Williams Arena as part of their "Dig Pink" breast cancer charity effort) Saturday. I will be at the former game and expect a close match but win for a team that I had hoped, before the season began, would have no trouble disposing of a team like the Spartans.
#-3: Wild (Last Week: -5). Geez, after seeing their 1-2 week, it looks like this team will win all their games at home and lose all their games on the road. 41-41? I'll take it for this team. Injuries aside, it's kind of sad to see that both of their wins this season were by a vicious three-goal comeback so they wouldn't look bad against the Twins showing some balls and coming back in that game against Detroit and a shootout win. Meanwhile, on Tuesday Mikko Koivu becomes the first player in franchise history to wear the Captain's "C" on a permanent basis. There are many things that need to be changed from the Jacques Lemaire regime, but rotating captains isn't one of them. I mean, Mikko may be the best skater on the team, but is it that important that the refs know they talk to one and only one guy? This week: at St. Louis Friday, hosting the Bastard Hartford Whalers Saturday night, at Chicago Monday, at home vs. Nashville Wednesday.
#-4: Gopher football (Last Week: -3). Did you know the Golden Gophers have the fewest number of snaps per game in top-flight college football? Is that the reason they were blanked at Penn St. Saturday 20-0? No -- that fourth and goal sweep left is the reason. This really is their season in microcosm; dreadful anticipation as to what the team will do, avoiding tacklers in the hopes of getting to the end zone before the other defenders catch RB Kevin Whaley, having initial thoughts of, "Yes, he'll make it! No shutout!! Partay!!!" followed by, "Shit, that guy's slow -- and those Nittany Lions are gaining on him," then seeing Whaley get double-teamed down to the line of scrimmage. Will there be no hope that they'll be able to spring an upset against a top Big 10 team at all? What's worse is that this week's opponent, Ohio St., lost to Purdue last week. If they won, I could see them overlooking this game. Now, they're going to fucking kill them!
#-5: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -1). Things were going so good for this team. Alas, they dropped two games this past weekend at home to Penn St. and Ohio St. by identical 1-0 scores. The loss to the Lady Lions Friday night was particularly heart-breaking; the Gophers were called for a foul, and PSU's Katie Schoepfer bent a free kick past the Gophs' D and G Cat Parkhill for the only goal with six seconds left in the game. They are just one-goal losses, but the fact that they lost twice, and at home, should be considered a serious setback for this team. This week, they travel to Michigan and Michigan St. The good news: both Michigan teams are a combined 1-9 in their last ten games coming into this weekend.
#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!). They did tie in their second game against North Dakota, so they had a 0-1-1 weekend. I put these guys under the soccer team for a few reasons: 1) on Friday night they got their dicks blown off 4-0; 2) although this is their first two games, they're winless for the year; 3) this seems to be a continuation of their very disappointing season last year. I'm waiting for this team's pro prospects to say, "Fuck this" and leave these guys high and dry -- unless they already left, in which case we will have the worst team we can possibly have. They host Denver for a pair this weekend. Good luck.
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